a short entry on having a short fuse (or a quick entry on being quick tempered)

It may surprise you but honestly, I have a pretty short temper. However, it usually takes something very specific to set me off; I'm not the type to get mad about little things, like bad drivers, having to wait in line at a store, inappropriate comments or getting put down, etc. But I AM the type who will get mad real quick about something to do with job ethics, illogical production decisions, or something else that I feel strongly about.

Today was a rare exception.

There wasn't any one thing that went wrong or set me off, but more an unfortunate piling of many small and stupid things that on a normal day, I would have shook off and dealt with just fine. But a few things happened at school (one having to do with changing my plans/curriculum (AGAIN, which is aggravating), other things student attitude related), so I left in a semi-bad mood. . . and then I was trying to nap, and I kept getting interrupted. . . and then I went to go to dinner with friends and my car was overheating (this was very close to the breaking point). . . and then I got lost on the way to a restaurant (because Google Maps HAD THE WRONG LOCATION. Let me take an aside here and say that I have absolutely no inherent sense of direction. I'm good at finding a place for the second time, but that first journey to ____________ is always a little stressful for me. On the flip side, I have a photographic memory, so if I look at a map, I'm usually OK. If the map is wrong, though, there is no hope), and the combination of stupid car and stupid being lost set me off on a rampage. I was absolutely furious. I was yelling in my car, punching the roof, just being completely ridiculous. And then I got home to shove some food in my face before my meeting/rehearsal and I tried to quickly download a file for tomorrow's lessons AND THE LINK WOULDN'T WORK.

Needless to say, I was over it all.

I was still steaming when I got to the annex. I had a little time to myself and started to calm myself down, trying to take my mind off the rest of the day (since I couldn't do anything about any of it at that moment anyway), and by the time rehearsal got started, I was in a better place (and rehearsal went well, so that's always helpful).

I just got home. . . maybe an hour ago, and I look back at the day, and I'm just sad that I got that worked up. I know that everything happens for a reason. I don't know why I allowed myself to become totally self-focused and upset by all those different things. I know I'm human, but I also know that I know better.

So I've decided that this is the lesson I was supposed to learn today:

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." -Philippians 4:4-8

In fact, I'm pretty sure I wrote about this before. It's a longer entry about peace. If only I had read it this morning- "'Our inner attitudes do not have to reflect our outer circumstances.' It's a matter of perspective."

Thanks for being there for me, Past me.

And now that I'm talking to myself, it's probably time to go to bed.