My brain and heart are super-saturated at the moment, and at some point in the near future (hopefully tomorrow, perhaps while I deal with my car tire. . . . . .) I'll do some more fleshed out thoughts from the Send Conference, but there was one thing in particular from this afternoon that I've been mulling over and it's important enough that I don't want to lose grasp of it overnight.
Before I get into it, I feel I should give this warning: I have tried to be as transparent as possible from the beginning with what I have shared about my journey after Cam died (and even before I suppose, though my blog before then was a mess of half finished book projects and random things that were coming into my life as an early disciple). I am not pretending that I have revealed every single struggle and victory, but I have also tried my best to be clear that I do not have everything 100% figured out. Especially with eloquent writing (and being able to sit and think and hide behind a keyboard) it is very easy to come off too authoritatively. At the same time I want to share what I'm discovering in this kind of forum because I want people to be able to see Jesus in my search for hope, comfort, solace, whatever. And really at the end of the day, I am an internal processor, and doing this helps me to straighten out my thoughts easier than having actual conversations (not that I never want to talk, but actually it is easier for me to begin to talk to people after I have sorted out my thoughts. Otherwise my brain goes much, much faster than my mouth can and I end up incoherent. Or feel like it anyway), so in most ways these writings were always meant to be a public sharing of a personal processing.
That all being said. . .
One of the sessions I attended today was about changing the corporate prayer life of the local church. There was a lot of great stuff, some things I knew and had left at the wayside and other things I hadn't considered. It focused primarily on the Lord's Prayer as a template for all prayer life. Near the end of the session, the speaker focused on Jesus' last prayer in Gethsemane. There was some interesting commentary on some of the details around the story, but the primary thing that struck me in the context of dealing with grief (and Heather's death and my emotional response to not just last week but really even the past two and a half years) comes from Matthew 26:39-
And going a little farther he fell on his face and prayed, saying, “My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.”
The speaker said something very telling about this (not an exact quote): if you continually pray to God to do impossible things that only He can do, and you do not take in to consideration His will and sovereignty, you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of disappointment in prayer. Basically, there is every reason to come to the Creator of the universe and make requests that can only be completed by Him. . . but it is just as important to recognize that, just as Jesus said, "not as I will, but as you will."
My personal epiphany lies not in a changing of my prayer approach, but instead in realizing that someone, probably more than one someone, taught me to pray this way well. The analyst in me couldn't help but research my own past. . . so I found this from a couple years after I moved down here to Florida, and then this (which I am not linking but am pasting instead. . . I kept a journal for myself as I grieved, see processing concepts above, but I'm not ready to make that a public display yet) from six months after she died:
God is good. Sometimes I take that thought for granted. But yes, God is still good. I don't understand, but I look at my life circumstances and see His Hand all over. Making new friends (some even my age!!) and His provision in gigs (because now I'm not only a master's student but also going to be a full time musician rather than a teacher) and I can still praise Him even through the insanity of circumstances. I was reminded of that today. And my life wouldn't look like this at all if she were still here- in fact I would be in a very difficult situation and don't know that I would have made the right choice, since cancer came above all in those last few months. That doesn't mean I don't miss her, but even in this short time out I see Providence, which is encouraging. The places where I am plugging in were prepared in advance for me, and there is great comfort in that.
I can't help but think that this is the answer to the questions I have been semi-consciously asking myself- when will the grief finally break me? When do I have the big fallout, not just what happened right after, but where's the part where I lose my mind? When do I get stuck in bed for months on end?
The answer? As I cling to the truth of Scripture, in knowing the sovereignty of God and see that He is good and does good, that sometimes bad things happen through no one's fault, I do not have to worry about those things. Like the post I linked at the very top of this, I shouldn't expect to grieve like the world. . . and part of that solidity comes from a prayer life that is focused primarily on God and not on me. Do not get me wrong; from the time we got engaged (and probably before) my prayers were often centered around the quality of life Cam and I would share because of her history with cancer. . . and unfortunately I have no proof in my prior blogs because I stopped writing for a while, so boo on that, I would love to pull insight from there. . . anyway. But in all of that, both of us said "whatever God has in store, we trust Him, and we will go through it." I promise you I would not have been that strong if my wife had not been able to say that. . . but man, that was her personality. She even said to Heather (this was right after she was diagnosed and before Cam's re-cancer was discovered) that cancer is just a pause button in life, not pressing stop. Like. . . how do you go through 23 months of treatment and not be bitter? I posit and I am sure Cam would agree that that is only through God. Not that she or I had a perfect relationship with the Father, not that there weren't fights and anger toward Him and wondering why. . . but in the end, deep down the root of our faith was in the firm belief that God knows best and would walk with us through it all.
And He is still walking with me.
I feel like I got off the rails a bit there at the end, but I'm very tired and I need to wrap this up, so I guess my point is this: the prayer life of the Christian must be rooted in God's promises and character. It's something I am still learning, but for those people who have called me "strong" in this journey. . . just please know that it is not my strength, but God's. And if you lack that strength, if God doesn't make sense, or you don't know Him. . . then reach out and talk to me.
7/26/2017
7/15/2017
The ghost arm
So a few months back I made an analogy about grief being like a rock-
Today I have found it has shifted into something stranger. Specifically the past few days, and I don't know why, but now it's a ghost arm.
Now, to be fair, more than one someone mentioned this idea to me way back after Cam first died. They made a comparison to the feeling that one might have in a phantom limb after having lost it in an accident, that there's something that's attempting to be exercised or feels like it's moving but it isn't there. I didn't think there was much merit to that analogy, as it seems offensive to the person who is actually dealing with loss of limb.
But. . . . I've discovered that I do indeed have a ghost arm. Maybe it's been there since the beginning, maybe it's been slowly growing and now it's big enough to be noticed, I couldn't tell you. But it's there. And wreaking a little havoc.
That's not to say it is all bad- for the first time possibly ever I am emboldened to talk more openly, to not shy away from conversation or to shut it down once it begins. . . but that also means I am spewing it all out, or at least that's what it feels like. It's like the ghost arm is grabbing people, reaching out, slapping, waving, trying to bring as much attention as possible, and that's the part I don't like.
I know another part of this is that I've just been on a manic streak for a few days, so I'm doing a lot of writing and talking and e-mailing because there's a huge surge inside. And while it still ebbs and flows, it is tending to be more on the front edge of things rather than swirling in the background.
So, if I say something that's kind of random...that's why.
Today I have found it has shifted into something stranger. Specifically the past few days, and I don't know why, but now it's a ghost arm.
Now, to be fair, more than one someone mentioned this idea to me way back after Cam first died. They made a comparison to the feeling that one might have in a phantom limb after having lost it in an accident, that there's something that's attempting to be exercised or feels like it's moving but it isn't there. I didn't think there was much merit to that analogy, as it seems offensive to the person who is actually dealing with loss of limb.
But. . . . I've discovered that I do indeed have a ghost arm. Maybe it's been there since the beginning, maybe it's been slowly growing and now it's big enough to be noticed, I couldn't tell you. But it's there. And wreaking a little havoc.
That's not to say it is all bad- for the first time possibly ever I am emboldened to talk more openly, to not shy away from conversation or to shut it down once it begins. . . but that also means I am spewing it all out, or at least that's what it feels like. It's like the ghost arm is grabbing people, reaching out, slapping, waving, trying to bring as much attention as possible, and that's the part I don't like.
I know another part of this is that I've just been on a manic streak for a few days, so I'm doing a lot of writing and talking and e-mailing because there's a huge surge inside. And while it still ebbs and flows, it is tending to be more on the front edge of things rather than swirling in the background.
So, if I say something that's kind of random...that's why.
7/11/2017
Romans 5:3-5
Been a rough couple days emotionally. I would love to be able to say why. . . but really I don't know. I'm always finding my emotions coming a few days after things happen, and sometimes things blindside us, but I spent a two hour car ride trying to find a conclusion and I couldn't reach it. So maybe chalk it up to grief/mood swings/whatever. I hate to blow things off to not having a cause but sometimes it's more important to focus on what's next.
So. . I went to Romans. And it's this sentence that I've been mulling over.
Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
A familiar passage, and encouraging. . . but there is so much more there if we look at the original language.
(PS- I just go here for basic research. I have a desire to learn the intricacies of language and verb forms and such but I do not have that knowledge on my own).
So, some interesting words. The word "rejoice" sometimes is translated "glory" or "boast," which is a much closer idea. The word means to have one's "head up high." Paul uses this word a lot in 2 Corinthians as he is defending his character and ministry position. The imagery behind "suffering" is a literal pressure, being in a narrow spot and being abraded on either side. "Endurance" is pretty straightforward (some translations "steadfastness"), the idea of remaining under. "Character" is another interesting word; the idea of something that has been tested and proven to be good, or to pass the required marks. It's a positive word, the idea that a standard has been met and it gets a stamp of approval- it's a proof of being found genuine. The word "hope" here specifically has the flavor of an expectation of something that is certain to happen. There is anticipation, there is activity- it is not a dormant, passive hope. Finally, the verb for "poured" is the image of something being filled beyond its capacity, like the wineskins overflowing. And that is the picture here of God's agape love.
So here is the Ben Beck Expanded Translation of Romans 5:3-5 (©2017 BBET, v. 1)-
And while that is great, there's also enough of God for the hard times. We can hold our heads up in spite of the pressures of this life; the abrasions and stresses bring us the opportunity to hold fast to God's strength, and it's in those times of enduring under the weight that we will be made genuine. When we pass the test, we will know that God has brought us through. We can confidently give God the glory for this work, because His great love is gushed into our hearts in endless quantity from the Holy Spirit, which God gave us for this reason.
So. . I went to Romans. And it's this sentence that I've been mulling over.
Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
A familiar passage, and encouraging. . . but there is so much more there if we look at the original language.
(PS- I just go here for basic research. I have a desire to learn the intricacies of language and verb forms and such but I do not have that knowledge on my own).
So, some interesting words. The word "rejoice" sometimes is translated "glory" or "boast," which is a much closer idea. The word means to have one's "head up high." Paul uses this word a lot in 2 Corinthians as he is defending his character and ministry position. The imagery behind "suffering" is a literal pressure, being in a narrow spot and being abraded on either side. "Endurance" is pretty straightforward (some translations "steadfastness"), the idea of remaining under. "Character" is another interesting word; the idea of something that has been tested and proven to be good, or to pass the required marks. It's a positive word, the idea that a standard has been met and it gets a stamp of approval- it's a proof of being found genuine. The word "hope" here specifically has the flavor of an expectation of something that is certain to happen. There is anticipation, there is activity- it is not a dormant, passive hope. Finally, the verb for "poured" is the image of something being filled beyond its capacity, like the wineskins overflowing. And that is the picture here of God's agape love.
So here is the Ben Beck Expanded Translation of Romans 5:3-5 (©2017 BBET, v. 1)-
And while that is great, there's also enough of God for the hard times. We can hold our heads up in spite of the pressures of this life; the abrasions and stresses bring us the opportunity to hold fast to God's strength, and it's in those times of enduring under the weight that we will be made genuine. When we pass the test, we will know that God has brought us through. We can confidently give God the glory for this work, because His great love is gushed into our hearts in endless quantity from the Holy Spirit, which God gave us for this reason.
7/10/2017
Lyric analysis- Grace So Glorious
So we sang this song yesterday morning:
It's not a new song to Grace Life by any means. But I realized that even though I've sang it many times, I could not 100% tell you what I sang. It is easy to get caught up in the beauty of a song without recognizing what words are there. I do it constantly, especially when it's a well written song that's enjoyable to sing (great key, great harmonies, interesting dynamic structure, etc... this is one of those songs). And even when we look at lyrics, connected ideas are spaced out because they are written poetically, or if they are on a screen, they are spread out onto different slides. So as I was driving yesterday after church, I was thinking to myself. . . what is in that song? There are certainly pieces of it that are easy to connect to, good "holy words," but what's the whole message?
So I typed it out in more sentence form with some added punctuation:
I love interpretation when it comes to lyrics, and there's a lot of good stuff here. The first image, that the cross provides no place where our sin is not exposed, is powerful. It completely reveals our inadequacy. When we come before Jesus, we cannot hide anything. And why are there no shadows? Because the source of light, the Redeemer, is there. And He is there, taking on the death which we deserve. He literally died in our stead.
That is a glorious grace.
Immortal day. . . I think there's several things here. First, a day that would never be forgotten- the Church continually celebrates it, not just at Easter or during communion/Lord's supper, but hopefully weekly as we gather and daily as we struggle. But also a day that would prove immortality- the necessary death but the great conquering of death by being alive again! And God, being merciful, endured a literal crown of thorns as He hung there. Not the crown the King deserves (but the imagery to come! so this is intentional). Upon dying, we see a tear in not only the literal veil, but also that which denied access to God himself. No longer would we have to rely on earthly priests to mediate our requests, prayers, offerings, whatever, to God, because Jesus grants us that. And we are no longer bound to a system to try and earn perfection, no longer enslaved to follow a nature that goes against God.
That is a glorious grace.
When we come together here on earth to praise God, it is only a microcosm of the celebration that will be in heaven. I would love to jump into the King of righteousness but this is already getting pretty long. There's some really fascinating stuff there though. And eventually, everyone will recognize Jesus. . . and what He has done for us, it's not because we are so great. It is because God is great.
That is a glorious grace.
And then. . . the great hope that helps us to face the difficulties of this life. . . that we will eventually see Jesus face to face! We will be with Him! And we will work alongside Him, which should inspire and incite us to holy living (a living, by the way, that is not only about what we do but also what God does in us). We aren't just left to our own devices, because if we were, we would be hopeless.
That is a glorious grace!!
And then, my favorite part to sing-
Oh the glory of the Savior's love surrounding our surrender...
To know forever we are welcomed home...
When we finally give up control, the freedom found in God's love. . . . still something I am discovering and finding areas of life that I need to give over to God. I think that's why Paul prays we would understand how great God's love is. That we could say boldly, "It's not my life anymore, it is Christ's!" That's what we strive for. And even though we stray, we do dumb things, we mess up. . . God never gives up on us.
And then the chorus! The part we sing over and over!
Crowned in glory to glory; Worthy is the Lord of all the glory forever. Holy is the Lord!
Reminds me a lot of this scene from Revelation. The lyrics here are pretty straightforward. . . but just love the throwback to being crowned in glory rather than with thorns, crowned to glory as King rather than to wrath.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Part of why we sing in church is an emotional response; part of why we sing is an intellectual response. For both the person who struggles in feeling the song and the one who gets caught up in the emotion but doesn't know why, it may be time to explore the deep truths that are embedded in the lyrics.
This went longer than I expected. . . but I need to do this more.
It's not a new song to Grace Life by any means. But I realized that even though I've sang it many times, I could not 100% tell you what I sang. It is easy to get caught up in the beauty of a song without recognizing what words are there. I do it constantly, especially when it's a well written song that's enjoyable to sing (great key, great harmonies, interesting dynamic structure, etc... this is one of those songs). And even when we look at lyrics, connected ideas are spaced out because they are written poetically, or if they are on a screen, they are spread out onto different slides. So as I was driving yesterday after church, I was thinking to myself. . . what is in that song? There are certainly pieces of it that are easy to connect to, good "holy words," but what's the whole message?
So I typed it out in more sentence form with some added punctuation:
Beneath the cross of Jesus Christ, no shadow remains for shame to hide. Redemption shone for all to see perfection bore our penalty with a grace so glorious.
Immortal day, the veil was torn when mercy donned a crown of thorns: as law gave way to liberty and freedom for humanity with a grace so glorious.
Oh the glory of the Savior's love surrounding our surrender...
To know forever we are welcomed home...
Crowned in glory to glory; Worthy is the Lord of all the glory forever. Holy is the Lord!
Triumphant praises without end, all hailing the King of righteousness. And every eye beholds the One our hearts were undeserving of with a grace so glorious.
O wondrous day when I will see the face of Him who ransomed me. I'll fall in worship at His feet and rise to reign eternally in a grace so glorious!
Immortal day, the veil was torn when mercy donned a crown of thorns: as law gave way to liberty and freedom for humanity with a grace so glorious.
Oh the glory of the Savior's love surrounding our surrender...
To know forever we are welcomed home...
Crowned in glory to glory; Worthy is the Lord of all the glory forever. Holy is the Lord!
Triumphant praises without end, all hailing the King of righteousness. And every eye beholds the One our hearts were undeserving of with a grace so glorious.
O wondrous day when I will see the face of Him who ransomed me. I'll fall in worship at His feet and rise to reign eternally in a grace so glorious!
I love interpretation when it comes to lyrics, and there's a lot of good stuff here. The first image, that the cross provides no place where our sin is not exposed, is powerful. It completely reveals our inadequacy. When we come before Jesus, we cannot hide anything. And why are there no shadows? Because the source of light, the Redeemer, is there. And He is there, taking on the death which we deserve. He literally died in our stead.
That is a glorious grace.
Immortal day. . . I think there's several things here. First, a day that would never be forgotten- the Church continually celebrates it, not just at Easter or during communion/Lord's supper, but hopefully weekly as we gather and daily as we struggle. But also a day that would prove immortality- the necessary death but the great conquering of death by being alive again! And God, being merciful, endured a literal crown of thorns as He hung there. Not the crown the King deserves (but the imagery to come! so this is intentional). Upon dying, we see a tear in not only the literal veil, but also that which denied access to God himself. No longer would we have to rely on earthly priests to mediate our requests, prayers, offerings, whatever, to God, because Jesus grants us that. And we are no longer bound to a system to try and earn perfection, no longer enslaved to follow a nature that goes against God.
That is a glorious grace.
When we come together here on earth to praise God, it is only a microcosm of the celebration that will be in heaven. I would love to jump into the King of righteousness but this is already getting pretty long. There's some really fascinating stuff there though. And eventually, everyone will recognize Jesus. . . and what He has done for us, it's not because we are so great. It is because God is great.
That is a glorious grace.
And then. . . the great hope that helps us to face the difficulties of this life. . . that we will eventually see Jesus face to face! We will be with Him! And we will work alongside Him, which should inspire and incite us to holy living (a living, by the way, that is not only about what we do but also what God does in us). We aren't just left to our own devices, because if we were, we would be hopeless.
That is a glorious grace!!
And then, my favorite part to sing-
Oh the glory of the Savior's love surrounding our surrender...
To know forever we are welcomed home...
When we finally give up control, the freedom found in God's love. . . . still something I am discovering and finding areas of life that I need to give over to God. I think that's why Paul prays we would understand how great God's love is. That we could say boldly, "It's not my life anymore, it is Christ's!" That's what we strive for. And even though we stray, we do dumb things, we mess up. . . God never gives up on us.
And then the chorus! The part we sing over and over!
Crowned in glory to glory; Worthy is the Lord of all the glory forever. Holy is the Lord!
Reminds me a lot of this scene from Revelation. The lyrics here are pretty straightforward. . . but just love the throwback to being crowned in glory rather than with thorns, crowned to glory as King rather than to wrath.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Part of why we sing in church is an emotional response; part of why we sing is an intellectual response. For both the person who struggles in feeling the song and the one who gets caught up in the emotion but doesn't know why, it may be time to explore the deep truths that are embedded in the lyrics.
This went longer than I expected. . . but I need to do this more.
7/06/2017
On life and tario...
Well, I got back from Canada Friday night and then slept for most of Saturday, so my plans to have a fresh reflection went out the window pretty quickly. But it was a great trip, and I'll get to that in a second.
First, once again, I know that my brain works this way but it still annoys me that I accomplish so much more when I have even the slightest inkling of a schedule; getting back into rehearsals this week has been great, and I've been motivated to do quite a bit, which is why it has taken until now to finally write. (Also I went up to Sky Valley Sunday/Monday so that was 16 hours in a car that I wasn't able to spend doing anything else but driving, so there's that)
I'm taking this month off from running. It's just too hot, and I don't have to start my next training until the 2nd week in August. I can make myself to run a few miles in the heat once I have a goal/reason to do so, but there's no sense in forcing myself into misery for the next few weeks. Instead I'm just gonna do some indoor workouts at home (I found a set of training videos that has one of my favorite phrases: lots of options) and keep my stamina/endurance levels up while maybe trying to knock off a few more pounds before hitting the ground. . . running. . . again.
There are also a couple other things around the corner. . . but no need to give away all the excitement at one time.
So. . . .
Canada.
It really was a great trip. On the social/fun activity side of things, we got to spend a day at Niagara Falls (which is insane, the rushing water all around you, just magnificent, and only a piece of the power and glory of God we can observe here on earth), and I got a dessert the size of my head for my birthday (which is really how one should be able to order celebratory desserts). I think #29 is rivaled only by #26, because really, what could be better than Dinosaur World?
Also, by the grace of God, none of my puns warranted me getting slapped, so that is always a win in my book.
After settling in (Airbnb for the win), the first full day we helped with a "Free Sale," which was a really interesting idea. People donated stuff, and instead of buying items with money, the community was asked to contribute with either stuff or with canned goods, and then take whatever they wanted. It was neat to see how much food came in (that was later donated to a food bank). What was even more interesting was the conversations though; being able to talk to people about Jesus who had never even heard of Him, perhaps never really thought about God, and certainly weren't "churched." We also got to meet several of the Fellowship Oshawa people and I know I had some good conversations because of that.
(Here is the problem without a fresh reflection. . . I don't remember what we did that evening. Like. . . no clue. Passed out flyers perhaps? Because I know) the next day was Sunday, so we helped set-up, and Courtney and I were given the opportunity to lead the music along with their music guy, Kyle (so maybe the night before we had dinner? Because the three of us rehearsed that evening. So I'm going to go with that). Always good to be in a familiar scenario, setting up in a school cafeteria and having a come-as-you-are approach. That night we had a training session that really opened up my eyes to a great tool for evangelism/discipling, simple but effective, which is usually best.
Monday was the day we went to Niagara. As previously stated, it was a great time.
Tuesday we passed out some flyers for their summer kids camp. The best moment there was when a young girl asked, "Is this the Jared and Jen camp??" (this it their third year doing a camp in the area). Really interesting that you can just go around and put flyers in peoples' boxes, if you have the manpower why waste the stamps? That night we went to a park and had some intentional gospel conversations. It was cold and had been raining the hours leading up to it, so there weren't a lot of people. The older couple that Kyle and I spoke to were very receptive in having a conversation, but unfortunately held to being church attenders as good enough. They weren't really interested in a God who was interested in them personally.
Wednesday morning we did a prayer walk through the downtown Oshawa area. To say it was eye opening is an understatement. The homeless situation, the sex trafficking, the lack of efforts beyond humanitarian focus through religious feelings. . . heart breaking. And I can only imagine how much I miss in the area I live in. That night the Huntley's hosted a cookout for their life group and their neighbors, and quite a few people showed up. They got to make connections with people they didn't know yet, so that's always a good thing. Wednesday night is also when I heard the news that Heather passed away. I had the thought before we went on the trip of perhaps going over to see them, or that maybe that might happen. . . but I was still a little stunned that it did. There's lots more to say there but that's for another entry; for now, all I will say is boo cancer.
Thursday we passed out some more flyers for the kids camp, and then that afternoon helped with some of the nuts and bolts side of church planting (lesson planning for kids, data input, running errands, dreaming up some future plans, etc). We also went to a nice restaurant for my birthday which had quite the variety of food choices (I got butter chicken, not too spicy) before attending one of their small groups that night. That also was great to see a group of somewhat random people coming together and being willing to share their lives with each other and hear from the Word.
All in all, I learned a lot about myself and have been inspired to be more kingdom-minded in my approach to life. I always feel like there is so much to be said but at the very least I can look back at this and remind myself of what happened, which will in turn remind me of why it mattered, because really I'm writing for me and you all just get to see a slice of my brain. One more thing I'll say: it's nice to have finally met people that I've only heard about or connected on Facebook with, and it's really neat to see already how friendships formed quickly can turn into a great encouragement.
First, once again, I know that my brain works this way but it still annoys me that I accomplish so much more when I have even the slightest inkling of a schedule; getting back into rehearsals this week has been great, and I've been motivated to do quite a bit, which is why it has taken until now to finally write. (Also I went up to Sky Valley Sunday/Monday so that was 16 hours in a car that I wasn't able to spend doing anything else but driving, so there's that)
I'm taking this month off from running. It's just too hot, and I don't have to start my next training until the 2nd week in August. I can make myself to run a few miles in the heat once I have a goal/reason to do so, but there's no sense in forcing myself into misery for the next few weeks. Instead I'm just gonna do some indoor workouts at home (I found a set of training videos that has one of my favorite phrases: lots of options) and keep my stamina/endurance levels up while maybe trying to knock off a few more pounds before hitting the ground. . . running. . . again.
There are also a couple other things around the corner. . . but no need to give away all the excitement at one time.
So. . . .
Canada.
It really was a great trip. On the social/fun activity side of things, we got to spend a day at Niagara Falls (which is insane, the rushing water all around you, just magnificent, and only a piece of the power and glory of God we can observe here on earth), and I got a dessert the size of my head for my birthday (which is really how one should be able to order celebratory desserts). I think #29 is rivaled only by #26, because really, what could be better than Dinosaur World?
Also, by the grace of God, none of my puns warranted me getting slapped, so that is always a win in my book.
After settling in (Airbnb for the win), the first full day we helped with a "Free Sale," which was a really interesting idea. People donated stuff, and instead of buying items with money, the community was asked to contribute with either stuff or with canned goods, and then take whatever they wanted. It was neat to see how much food came in (that was later donated to a food bank). What was even more interesting was the conversations though; being able to talk to people about Jesus who had never even heard of Him, perhaps never really thought about God, and certainly weren't "churched." We also got to meet several of the Fellowship Oshawa people and I know I had some good conversations because of that.
(Here is the problem without a fresh reflection. . . I don't remember what we did that evening. Like. . . no clue. Passed out flyers perhaps? Because I know) the next day was Sunday, so we helped set-up, and Courtney and I were given the opportunity to lead the music along with their music guy, Kyle (so maybe the night before we had dinner? Because the three of us rehearsed that evening. So I'm going to go with that). Always good to be in a familiar scenario, setting up in a school cafeteria and having a come-as-you-are approach. That night we had a training session that really opened up my eyes to a great tool for evangelism/discipling, simple but effective, which is usually best.
Monday was the day we went to Niagara. As previously stated, it was a great time.
Tuesday we passed out some flyers for their summer kids camp. The best moment there was when a young girl asked, "Is this the Jared and Jen camp??" (this it their third year doing a camp in the area). Really interesting that you can just go around and put flyers in peoples' boxes, if you have the manpower why waste the stamps? That night we went to a park and had some intentional gospel conversations. It was cold and had been raining the hours leading up to it, so there weren't a lot of people. The older couple that Kyle and I spoke to were very receptive in having a conversation, but unfortunately held to being church attenders as good enough. They weren't really interested in a God who was interested in them personally.
Wednesday morning we did a prayer walk through the downtown Oshawa area. To say it was eye opening is an understatement. The homeless situation, the sex trafficking, the lack of efforts beyond humanitarian focus through religious feelings. . . heart breaking. And I can only imagine how much I miss in the area I live in. That night the Huntley's hosted a cookout for their life group and their neighbors, and quite a few people showed up. They got to make connections with people they didn't know yet, so that's always a good thing. Wednesday night is also when I heard the news that Heather passed away. I had the thought before we went on the trip of perhaps going over to see them, or that maybe that might happen. . . but I was still a little stunned that it did. There's lots more to say there but that's for another entry; for now, all I will say is boo cancer.
Thursday we passed out some more flyers for the kids camp, and then that afternoon helped with some of the nuts and bolts side of church planting (lesson planning for kids, data input, running errands, dreaming up some future plans, etc). We also went to a nice restaurant for my birthday which had quite the variety of food choices (I got butter chicken, not too spicy) before attending one of their small groups that night. That also was great to see a group of somewhat random people coming together and being willing to share their lives with each other and hear from the Word.
All in all, I learned a lot about myself and have been inspired to be more kingdom-minded in my approach to life. I always feel like there is so much to be said but at the very least I can look back at this and remind myself of what happened, which will in turn remind me of why it mattered, because really I'm writing for me and you all just get to see a slice of my brain. One more thing I'll say: it's nice to have finally met people that I've only heard about or connected on Facebook with, and it's really neat to see already how friendships formed quickly can turn into a great encouragement.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
