eclipse

Just a jumble of thoughts before I go to bed again (I slept from 11:30-2 and woke up to go watch the eclipse- many layers and two blankets later, I'm back inside my warm apartment). I think the most amazing part of the eclipse is realizing that the thing that is causing the eclipse is the very planet that you are standing on. I don't know what else you need to know to make you realize how small you are in comparison to the whole universe. And down here, in C. Fla, the air was quite clear, so you could see ALL the stars as well. Just. . . amazing. Amazing. More amazing is the fact that God cares about each one of us, no matter how small we may feel. He is big enough for everyone.

weary

Lord, I'm tired of fighting. It seems like at every turn, there's yet another wall, another obstacle, and I don't see how things are ever going to work out.

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." -Galatians 6:9

I barely even made it through today. I don't see how I will be able to get back at it again tomorrow; I am exhausted, Lord. . .

"O LORD, be gracious to us; we long for you. Be our strength every morning, our salvation in time of distress." -Isaiah 33:2

But there's so much to be done! No matter how many things get planned or accomplished, it seems like it all crumbles down the next day.

"Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." -Matthew 6:34.

What's the point of it all then?

"So that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to His glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and giving joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light." -Colossians 1:10-12

Can you really use me to do this?

"I can do everything through Him who gives me strength." -Philippians 4:13.

I will trust You, Lord. You have done nothing to make me doubt you.

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" -Jeremiah 29:11.

whew

We made it through the first weekend of "A Christmas Carol"! At some point, when I have a little free time (hah!) I'll do a big update on that, but for now I want to leave you with something small and encouraging.

Hebrews 11:1 gives us a pretty good definition of faith, and it's very simple (which is great)- we should have confidence in our hope and assurance in the unseen. The first part seems easy, because if we can believe in the vast greatness of God and in the truth of His word, then there's absolutely no room to doubt where we will eventually end up, no matter what happens in this life. It's the second part that gets a little crazy (at least for me. . . probably the Type-A part of me). Assurance in the unseen? How can I be sure of something that when I don't know that it's going on? I have a hard enough time believing the things I see! OK, not really, but I have to say that God's unseen hand movements have blown my mind (when seen in retrospect). I moved out to Florida about 16 months ago, and. . . just wow. How perfectly He had been setting up this area for me (yes, even my job. . . if you keep up with my facebook, then you know some of what has been going on)(I mean, I'm a teacher, I clearly do not have a facebook. . . .). The thing that has hit me the most is in the people that He brought into my life within the first month of the move. I will never forget the first time I walked into my Sunday School class. Although at the time I wasn't quite able to put it into these words, God had prepared all of them for me, and I for them. It just felt so. . . right. And now, a year and a half later, these are still the closest friends I have down here. I've met a ton more people of course, and found a lot of friends and colleagues, and I still know a lot of people up north and/or spread across the nation as music educators, but I am still in awe of the people in that class. And even thinking about where I was in those first couple months to where I am now, I never would have guessed at the way things have turned out (all great). I've gotten hooked into the local music community, and people that I don't even know are starting to recognize me because of it. I love my church choir family (and have missed them! I haven't been in a month :( but we have rehearsal Tuesday!), and have gotten plugged into a lot of cool thing via my church.
OK. . . I feel like I'm just rambling, so my point is this: if you are in a place where it seems like nothing is going right, where you can't seem to see how anything good will ever come of your situation, have faith. God works in all things for the good of those who love Him. Even if your love starts out small, He will fill you in ways you have never imagined. Will life be perfect? Not until you're really living in Heaven. But even in those tough times, realize that you have a hope for a better future (an AMAZING future) and that you can be sure God is working for you AND through you. Don't tire of doing good works, and God will reward your faithfulness.

And if you don't have that hope. . . if you don't have that faith. . . will you open your ears and your heart to hear about it?

a list of thankfulness

Coming up with this is harder than it looks (well, to make it a legit list anyway)! And double points for alliteration :)

Apples
Brotherhood of believers
Challah
Dancing (I really shouldn't have joined a Baptist church. . . hah)
Ellipses (I used five sets in this entry alone, and I didn't even have complete sentences!)
Forgiveness of and freedom from sin
Golden Grahams (see previous entry)
Harpsichords (maybe someday. . . when I win the lottery and have a house with a music wing. . . I'll get myself a Steinway and a harpsichord. . . someday)
Insurance (car, health, renter's, whatever!)
Jokes
Kids (both the big ones and the little ones)
Love
Music
Notation software (i.e. Sibelius, but something more important needs the "S" slot in this list)
Ovens
Parchment paper
Quiet times
Romans (the book of, that is)
Sunday School class
Tea
Uganda (otherwise we wouldn't be able to sponsor Patrick!)
Vacuum cleaners (though I don't use mine enough. . .)
Washing machines
Xylophones (and that's actually legitimate!)
Yeast (VERY important for baking challah)
Zeal

Happy Thanksgiving! :)

How big is God?

I have to believe that He is HUGE. IMMEASURABLE. Imagine, if you will, a box of Golden Grahams that always has fresh, delicious honey squares to be poured into an endless amount of just cold enough milk that never runs out, gets sugary, or changes temperature. That's kind of how big God is.

Sorry. I have a thing for Golden Grahams. I think I could eat an entire box over the course of the day without even thinking about it.

Anywho.

I stumbled upon (ok. . . give credit where it's due: the Holy Spirit led me to) Romans 8 last night (or maybe the night before. . . recently enough anyway), and while it is a very familiar passage, it is a good reminder for me with everything that is going on in my life right now. My job, the production of Christmas Carol, personal problems. . . all of them might feel gigantic at times, but you know what? God is bigger. WAY bigger. And He chose me to be involved in the things I'm doing. While that doesn't guarantee success by any means, it is comforting to know that I am supposed to be where I am. Whatever the outcome, NOTHING will separate me from the love of Christ.

The question is this: will I keep myself connected to Him?

I think that's what all this adversity and difficult/overwhelming time is all about. And God will reward faithfulness. . . so I have to remain faithful. I have to be the man that God is calling me to be, even if I'm only 22.


So. . . here I am. Use me, Lord, for Your glory, and I will give you credit where credit is due, because it's certainly not me that's going to do all the amazing things You have in store for my life.

praise, gentleness, awareness, prayer, and thanksgiving

Life is still crazy, but things are starting to wrap up and/or get into a groove more, so I figure it's time for a small update just to share something that's on my heart tonight.


I still will never forget the night that Pastor Dan preached on this passage at prayer meeting many many months ago. Apparently he preached on it recently at a Wednesday night service (sermon available here: "5 Steps to a Peaceful Life"). I may not get the exact points he talked about that night, but basically the idea was this: to receive the peace of God, there are certain things we need to do. We need to rejoice in all circumstances, always be nice (because we never, never, never have a reason to be mean as a Christian), realize God's presence and role in our life, pray about everything (to eliminate doubt), and be thankful for everything.

I saw that truth in my life today.

I have been having a rough time with my job (more on that when I have more time to write). I had a really hard time getting out of bed this morning, but once I did, for whatever reason, I just started thanking God for everything I could think of. I wasn't even sure if I was repeating myself at times or not, but I just kept saying "Thank you for ______." Throughout the day, I did the same thing. Anytime something irritating happened, I just stopped and said, "Thank you for ____," whether it was related to the situation or not. I did not allow myself to get emotionally wrapped up in classroom management today, even in really aggravating moments of complete stupidity and disrespect.

You know what? From an outside view, it was still a tough day. It's still the same job. But my attitude, my feeling leaving the school, was not animosity, not loathing the idea of going back.

It was an attitude of hope.

One day down. . . one day at a time. . . just gotta follow His formula. I'm choosing to rejoice, to be nice, to be aware, to pray unceasingly, and continue in a spirit of thankfulness.


On a somewhat related side note, I have been seeing the power of prayer unfold in my life, and it is amazing. I think sometimes that our concepts of prayer is that we close our eyes in church while someone else talks and we (far too often) make a flippant statement before we eat. . . and that's about it. I challenge you to try this out (especially any of you who have a hard time falling asleep because your mind works on overdrive at night)- instead of listening to music or TV or whatever static noise right before you go to sleep, just spend time in prayer to the point where you actually fall asleep talking to God about whatever it is on your mind. And pray with others, ideally a small group (like a Sunday School class or family unit). Pray for others. You never know how encouraging it can be to hear someone else speaking aloud a request to God for your sake. What a gift; what an offering! And what a privilege to be able to do that for others.




Why wasn't I doing all this before?

He's not dead. . .

Not yet anyway.

(bonus points if you know the movie reference)

Life has been CRAZY. Like. . . CRAZY. So that whole "post once a week thing" hasn't been successful.

However, that's not why I'm writing at the moment: I just wanted to share a neat little story. I got crazy busy this weekend with (essentially) a self-induced project, and I didn't end up looking up Christmas music for my HS drama class like I was planning to. This morning in first period, one of my students handed me a beat up book of music, saying that it was his grandpa's and he thought I might like/want it. And what to my wondering eyes should appear but a book of 170 CHRISTMAS CAROLS ARRANGED FOR ORGAN.

God: 1, Life: 0.

Moral of the story? It's so easy to get caught up in all the mess of life and lose focus, but remember Who is in control of everything, the big and the little.

a quick entry

I read this last night and thought it related somewhat to what I was thinking about in the entry previous. I know I've read that passage before, and probably more than a few times (I love 1st Corinthians), but it struck me in a different way (which, if you keep reading, you can find out how that could happen- one of my favorite newly discovered passages I happened upon this summer on the way to camp).

The end.

no convoluted analogy tonight, but hopefully soon

I've spent the past week and a half trying to come up with an analogy, because right now what I'm coming up with makes absolutely no sense (it's generally helpful when the object of comparison doesn't have to be modified to the point where it doesn't actually work that way in real life). So, that's why I haven't written anything yet. I told myself I'd try and write once a week, so I'm a couple days off, but that's OK. Anyway, this week is going much better. I think the combination of homecoming craziness/full moon/Jupiter/explosion of lovebugs from last week has officially come and gone (minus the lovebugs, of course).

I don't know that I have anything super deep tonight, but I've been thinking a little bit lately about something a friend said to me as well as something I observe with some frequency in the world of Facebook (and the world at large, but seriously, the News Feed is such a wealth of, well, news and information! haha). There's the idea that religious conservatives are rigid in their beliefs, which I completely agree with. The problem I have is that most people view this as a negative characteristic, which I completely disagree with. Friends, that's the voice of moral relativism, which says that each person gets to decide what's best for them, so that no one is accountable to anyone or anything except themselves. I don't know about you, but I don't like the idea of living in that kind of world. Unfortunately, that's exactly where we are heading. To a point, I can understand latching onto one belief system over another. What I don't understand is the idea that everyone gets to choose, and that even if I say I believe in a system that holds people accountable, I still think it's OK if someone else doesn't agree with it. Read that again. "I believe this to be true. If you don't, though, you aren't wrong, as long as you believe in something. Or if you believe in nothing. Whatever works for you."

WHAT.

And while people don't necessarily say the statements I put in quotes, that is exactly the philosophical basis behind moral relativism. If you want to criticize religious conservatives, then point to their tactics of hatred (picketing, taking God's judgment into their own hands, and essentially not loving on people. I will never forget the story told by Jared at Student Life Camp about the Christians who went to an abortion clinic with duct tape over their mouths to protest the babies being aborted (the idea being that the babies didn't have a chance to speak before they were killed). HOW STUPID! Stop trying to prove a point and instead show people the love of Christ! Stop getting in people's faces about how they're going to burn in Hell if they don't repent, and instead show them what a relationship with Jesus is actually about! I wouldn't want to be a Christ follower if that was my view of what it means to be a Christian. Anyway). Point to their Phariseeic attitudes about things that aren't even worth fighting over because they have no real Biblical basis. But don't completely discount them because of the "rigidity of their beliefs." There's a reason those beliefs are rigid- they are BASED on something concrete. It's not just something pulled out of the air, or something that they feel; their beliefs are based on what the Bible teaches. And regardless of your beliefs about the Bible, at least realize that the whole belief system these conservatives have are not just out of spite or hatred. They are based on what they claim to be the teachings of their Lord and God (again, my purpose is not to open a discussion of religions, but just to attempt to point out a fallacy in argument). If there's no accountability, no real standard of right or wrong, then life is just chaos and anarchy, and I think most people, if they get deep down, can see that life doesn't work that way. There is order. There is purpose. There is meaning. I mean, that's why all different religious systems are out there! People are constantly trying to figure out what the point of life is. Here's my question: if your beliefs aren't rigid, are they really things you believe in?

One last comment, because I'm getting tired/hazy and losing focus: It's sad that the religious nuts get the most time in the news (just as it's sad that the extremists of other groups of people get the same coverage, thus adding to the stereotyping of all), because they really do ruin it. So please, don't lump all "religious conservatives" in with the fire brandishing, sign holding, hate filled people that unfortunately take the label of "Christian" upon themselves as they do all sorts of un-Christ-like acts.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes and focus

Every so often (6 to 8 months, probably? It all depends on how busy I get), I reach a point of emotional critical mass, and then something has to give. The biggest problem is that I usually keep people from knowing anything is going on, because the types of things that weigh me down never really seem to be worth all the huff I feel like I'm emitting. So, either I A)have a complete meltdown, which is cleansing and resets me so I can keep going again and start chipping away at the stuff that is stressing me out, or B)work feverishly at getting rid of all the things that are weighing me down and causing the emotional mass, thus bypassing the need for a meltdown. In this case, I went with option B. So, here are all the things I got done today:
-Completed the ESOL course (which had to be done by Saturday, and since I have something every night for the rest of the week because of homecoming (volleyball, church, prowl, and football), I HAD to have it done today)
-Purged the apartment, and when I say purged, I mean threw out 3 garbage bags and a huge box full of junk and garbage. I also put all my movies and books on my shelves and fixed my dresser drawers so that they would all shut correctly.
-Wrote letters to my Compassion child and our SS class' World Vision child, both of which were LONG overdue.
-Bought somewhat healthy food (and at least now I have food in the apartment again; no more ordering pizza)
-Went for a run

The biggest thing was cleaning the apartment. It started when I went to MI this summer- it wasn't very clean then because BATB had just ended, and when I got back I never unpacked because I immediately jumped into a workshop, Homeland, and VBS. And then summer never really slowed down, and all of the sudden school was starting, and my apartment was getting worse and worse. I thought that maybe the reintroduction of a stable schedule would help motivate me to get stuff done, but it actually got worse. And in the last two weeks, I've just felt somewhat beaten down, and unfortunately I have been letting some bad habits creep slowly back into my life.

But no more! With the release of the critical mass, I am in full Life Improvement mode. I'm going to be more thoughtful in planning ahead with my teaching, regardless of how well I know (or think I know) the curriculum already. I am going to stop making poor food choices, regardless of how tired I feel and how much I don't want to get up and make something for myself. I'm going to start exercising regularly again (current plan being that I go for a run three times a week: M/T, H/F, S/Sn, ideally MHS or TFSn so that I don't go too few or too many days between running, at least until I get back into shape. But with my ever changing schedule, I don't want to schedule specific days and then end up not going because something comes up. So, a flexible three times a week seems reasonable). I'm also going to read a little bit of the Bible after exercising (the theory here is that, for whatever reason, on my busiest days I always find time to get into the Word, but on days where I have oodles of time, I end up filling it with other stuff and hit the pillow without ever opening my Bible. The days I will run are likely to be days I have more free time. Therefore, I will have a higher level of accountability). I need to stop loving the world and start abiding in Him. We'll see what happens when I pit my Awesome Plans against Real Life.

Most importantly though, I need to stop running myself into brick walls and start realizing how many people I have around me that really do care. And I need to stop acting like this life is the whole story and the difficulties I face I face alone, because neither of those is true.

Which brings me to my next point.

The best way I can describe the past couple weeks is "unfocused." Generally I am a pretty focused person- give me a task and I will take care of it to the best of my ability and in a timely manner. I have goals in mind for myself, and very seldom do I fail to follow through with whatever it is that I'm doing (barring unforeseen circumstances or God-appointed failures necessary to teach me something (landing a job is the best example of that in my life)). I don't let things get in my way, and while I am usually somewhat particular (OK: VERY particular) in how I get things done, I think it is that particularity that allows me to get so much done and usually do a decent job. The past two weeks I feel like I have done NOTHING, and anything that I have accomplished has been like pulling teeth. This is generally a sign of that critical mass thing, and as much as I try to ignore it, it just gets worse and worse.

But now I am on the other side. So here's the question: what could I have done to avoid all this? I think the answer lies in that "focus" idea. I think my biggest problems come when I start focusing on myself, my needs, my feelings, my tasks, my problems, and stop focusing that it is all created by Him, controlled by Him, and ultimately will be used for His glory. And as soon as I cut myself from the Lifeline, pandemonium ensues. And no matter how much "church" I try to do to make it come back, nothing will happen until I start to privately reconnect myself to God in an authentic way rather than an obligatory or rote way. I have to learn to be able to praise Him in ALL circumstances, and stop trying to get Him to fill what I think are my needs and instead just learn to trust and rely that He knows exactly what I need (since, you know, He created me and all).

So, let's refocus. Simple enough, right?

"That you may walk worthily of the Lord, fully pleasing Him, being fruitful in every good work, and increasing in the knowledge of God." Col. 1:10

informative article

This article is lengthy but well worth the read. I found it on facebook via Dennis Jernigan and though I will probably one day make reference to it via Facebook, at the moment I don't feel like taking the potential onslaught of negative responses I would expect to get from some of the people I went to school with.

Why the negative responses? Well, it's an article about pro-gay theology in the church and why it's incorrect. Very detailed, Scripture based, and (most importantly) not a "gay bashing" stance. Take the time to check it out if you're interested.

. . . you know what? I changed my mind. I am going to post it on Facebook. Commitment, right? But I'll also leave it here too.

Commitment and Distraction

You know what's really sad? It took me three tries to spell "commitment" correctly. I will blame it on being past my "good teacher" bedtime of 9 PM.

You know what's sadder? I started typing this a little after 9 PM, and I'm just now typing this very sentence at the ripe time of 10:00 PM. So, I added "and Distraction" to the title because of that.

(also, random memory from Theory I with Dr. Adams (what did they call it? Basic Music I- MUS 1600. Man, it's been a long time): Purple monkey dishwasher (sung in a 4 part Bach chorale style, no less))

ANYWAY. Get ready for some backwards chronology of this evening.

I just had a nice catch-up conversation with one of the mom figures in my life. I've been feeling a little disconnected from some of my mitten contacts (which is OK in some cases, but there are still people I care about and want to know what's going on in their lives) so I've been making a concerted effort to try and make some phone calls/texts.

I called her on my drive home back from the open house, which was actually very encouraging to me. A parent commented on enjoying the football games and what I'm doing with the high school students because it's effective and she can see how passionate I am about what I do.

So that got me thinking: am I just as passionate about music as I am about Jesus? Does my life always reflect how I feel about my Savior? More importantly, do I allow myself to share what He's done and doing in my life? Because when I get down to it, my past record shows that I usually shy away from discussion of religion with other people because it tends to be uncomfortable. But you could call me at 2 AM and ask me a question about Beethoven Op. 21 No. 1 and I'd have a conversation with you (alright, that's a little extreme, but still). It's definitely something I need to think about (and I know I've mentioned this topic on here before, but again, something that I struggle with).

In lieu of that (and of having a crazy life), I'm making a proposal. . . to myself I suppose. I'm going to commit to updating at least once a week. I also need to catch up the relationship book stuff, and as I do that I'll try and put alerts in the weekly update that I am committing to (how come "committing" has double "m" and double "t" but "commitment" doesn't???) (wait, that would be three consonants in a row, which we don't like to do unless it's an "s" at the end of a word).

Got that, self? Write once a week. Reflect on a sermon, something from my devotional or something I read, or maybe just something that clicks in life. I will probably not start a hardcore book study again for a while (at least until after marching season, but then that gets into Christmas Carol craziness) (gotta love alliteration), though I will still probably do some light reading/reflecting because I enjoy it. No big commitments in that area right now though.

So now that a 10 minute entry has taken an hour and a half due to distraction, it's bed time. Sorry for the jumpiness.

this crazy life o' mine

Where to begin? Broken car (twice in a week's span, and completely unrelated problems too), ACC auditions, school, friends, church, and tonight was our first home game (and my feet are KILLING me). So. . . eventually. Really. I loved reading the relationship book, so I must finish this out soon!

But right now it's dinner and then bed time.

(Also, it's really hard to update when you put the book in your teacher bag and then leave it at school. . . argh)

the journey is over. . . the blog is behind

Another 40-day commitment nearly completed! I faithfully read, but with some of the things going on in life, I haven't had the time to write all my entries out. However, there's so much great stuff in here that I'm looking forward to going back to reread and reflect further on some of the entries. I'm going to catch up the unfinished ones first (that already exist) and then make new entries for the last 4 or 5 that were from this past week after that, so keep an eye out for those "UNFINISHED" markings to go away.

Day 36: The Big Question

I can't believe I'm in the final week of this book already! Time certainly flies. This week's theme: Treat Others as You Want Them to Treat You.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This chapter discusses the Golden Rule (sorry, I couldn't resist myself with the comic). We've all heard it and said it a million times: treat others like you want to be treated. Such a simple motto, and it's somewhat catchy. What it doesn't seem to answer, however, is "the Big Question"- how do we get our needs met in a relationship? That question isn't inherently bad (not at first, anyway). God did create us with the need for fellowship, support, love, and all that stuff that we get out of relationships. It's not a bad thing to realize that a)we have needs and b)God brings people into our lives to fill those needs. But often times we let it get in the way. I know that I used to have a very "you have to take care of yourself first" attitude, and while that's good for some parts of life, with relationships it becomes a whole different animal. The fact is that we can't take care of ourselves until we are taking care of others. It sounds backwards, but the more we wait or manipulate or try to somehow squeeze our needs out of someone else in any way other than selfless service, the more strained the relationship gets, and eventually something breaks. I know I have been there. And though I would not say that I am at a completely selfless/servant level yet, I know that I am on my way to that place. With a lot of the friends I've made down here, I can see and feel the difference.

This chapter mentions a few other rules we try to play by. First is the Reciprocal Rule. What others do for us, we do for them. The problem with this style is that we end up waiting on the other person to make a move, and when they don't, we get frustrated. It becomes a game of earning and accumulating points to cash in for service at a later date. This rule also doesn't allow for the other person to have bad days: if someone snaps at you and later apologizes, are you going to forgive them or snap back, because after all, that's the way they treated you? Another is the Ricochet Rule. What others have done to me dictates the way that I will treat you. We like to blame everyone for the way we treat others: our parents did this to us, our siblings did this, our ex was like this, our boss never did this, etc. Out of some self-righteous feeling to reestablish justice in the world, we have to spread the things that have happened to us onto others. I know sometimes it's hard to break the cycle, but we have to realize the disservice we do to others when we don't treat them the way we SHOULD have been treated. Third was the Hidden Motive Rule. We act like we are serving, but really we are trying to elicit a response from the other person that will help us out. I think this happens most often with good intention. We don't necessarily mean to become selfish, but we know something we can do to scratch someone's back so that we can then present a request to them and hopefully trap them in the Reciprocal Rule. Wouldn't it just be easier to present the request first, hear the answer, and serve them regardless if we got what we wanted or not? Are we so caught up with our needs that we forget how amazing that other person is? The solution to getting rid of these rules is, of course, to replace them with the Golden Rule. What that really means, though, is to take the initiative and serve out of thankfulness to God for bringing you to know them and thankfulness to them for what they mean in your life. What more reason do we need to treat people nicely?!?

Point to Ponder: I must give myself to meeting others' needs if I'm going to get my own needs met.
It's easy to look at that sentence and think it sounds like the Hidden Motive Rule. But there's more to the statement than just what it says. If we are really giving ourselves to meet others' needs, it means that we are also trusting that that is what God wants us to do, and that He's going to take care of the rest. It's only when we start to do things in order that we are taking care of ourselves that we run into problems.

Verse to Remember: Matthew 7:12- "Do for others what you would like them to do for you."
The Golden Rule takes the emphasis off of our needs and places it on others. Notice it does not say any of the following:
-Do for others what you expect them to do for you.
-Do for others what you think they will do back for you.
-Do for others what will get them to feel they should do for you.
And yet how often do our actions and motives lie in those bottom three rather than in the Scripture?

Question to Consider: Who can I thank God for so that I can grab the initiative in meeting his or her needs?
I think there is definitely a need for me to think about how I might be able to meet needs for people that I don't see all the time (or maybe even at all, if they're back in Michigan).

unfinished entries again?

Yep. School hit me hard, and I don't have time right now to catch all these up (because I'm still swamped), but I have been doing the readings and reflections, just not typing out my thoughts and discoveries. I'm hoping to get back on track over the course of the next few days (because the last day of this book is Friday!) but I will make no promises. At the very least I will go back and do today's entry.

So, keep your eyes peeled for the "UNFINISHED tags to disappear!

Week 5 in Review- UNFINISHED

How have your relationships been affected by these last four weeks of looking at Jesus' love?

Give an example of when someone did something unselfish for you.

How is selfishness the enemy of strong relationships? How does service strengthen relationships?

As you think about Jesus' story of those seeing the highest seats at the banquet table, have you ever been willing to take the lowest place?

Have you had an opportunity to serve someone together as a group? What did God do for your heart as you served?

Day 35: The Daily Decision of Humility

This might sound like a dumb question, but doesn't it only make sense that humility is achieved by NOT thinking about ourselves? It's not really about us at all: it's about shifting our focus to God and to others. Only in our human minds can we find a way to be proud about how humble we are. If that feeling of pride is what humility is about, then we have already earned our reward in full. The passage from Philippians gives us a direct command: we are to have the same attitude as Christ. Humility, like love, is a choice, and Jesus shows us exactly how to achieve that. We have to avoid selfish ambition and vain conceit, because both of those shift the focus onto ourselves (what am I getting out of it?) rather than what we are doing for the other person. I'm sure we have all had that person in our lives that we can't help but think, "Oh man, what do they want from me this time?" What's even scarier is that we see that and two minutes later, we are turning around and acting that way towards someone that we claim to care about. And we try really hard to mask it by saying that "They don't mind," "They owe me for ____ anyway so it's fine," "I'm not asking for something that I wouldn't do for them. . . probably," "They WANT to help me, or they wouldn't be my friend." I'm not saying that we should never ask for help or support when we need it, but we need to be sure we are not becoming dependent leeches that suck all the life and love out of what once was a close and growing relationship. The cure? Stop putting yourself first. It's not that our needs are unimportant, but when we start to reach out and fulfill other's needs, God takes care of the rest. What could be more comforting than that?

We also need to realize how prideful we are, and then start choosing to act humble. God tells us to be humble (in the same way that He tells us to love), so it's not about a certain feeling that we're to wait for to control our actions. We have to put others first as a principle and as a daily choice. If we could just get ourselves so focused on others that there isn't room for us to get distracted by our own selfish desires, what an amazing world we would live in. To have complete concern pointed somewhere other than into our own hearts. . . sometimes I think that's really the perfect picture of Heaven. Everyone will be serving in roles that they are best suited for, and no one person will be singled out as having a more important or less important job, because everyone is contributing. The book doesn't really get into this, but I think we also need to be open minded and remember to allow people to serve us! I know that doesn't sound like a hard concept, because who doesn't like to be served, but I don't think we really realize how many opportunities that we end up stepping on someone's toes who was trying to do something for us. We have to get rid of the pride that says, "But that's my job!" or "That's not the way I like to have it done!" or "You've done that 1,000 times!" and appreciate the person and what they are doing.

There are four questions we can ask ourselves (from the last four days. . . yeah, those entries aren't up yet) so I will leave you with those:

-What ambition can I give to God this week?
-Whose need must I begin to notice this week?
-Where do I need to honor God, even if I am in the lowest seat? Or trust him, even if I am in the highest seat?
-Have I started to make faith a do-it-yourself burden? How can I choose to express fresh trust in God?

Point to Ponder: Don't try to feel humble; act humble.
We're always so wrapped up in only doing things we feel like or that make us feel good. I know that I have to be careful with music, because that's a really easy thing for me to go, "Yeah, you're right! I did just play amazingly" and completely ignore the fact that that gift originates from God, not from me. I think that when we come to God in a constant state of thankfulness for everything He has done for us and given us, we can really start to become humble as well as start to give those things back to Him and to others.

Verse to Remember: Philippians 4:13- "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."
I definitely needed this verse this weekend, and I will continue to need it throughout the school year (and life really, but small steps). Again, by shifting the focus of our lives through the eyes of God, we can start to see how weak and helpless we are without His presence in our lives. Really we don't even need His perspective: we just need to go out and try things in our own strength and see how botched things get, and that's always an effective reminder that we can only really accomplish worthwhile things through Him.

Question to Consider: Is there an ugly point of pride that I have been ignoring in my life?
It's really easy for me to point to the things I do (whether at my job, at my church, or just in my life) and say, "I'm really good at that. I've spent a lot of time working on these skills, I have all these experiences, and I have a love and passion for these things." It's a lot harder to recognize and then express that truly it is all from God. Everything, from the productions I've been involved with to the teaching experiences I've had to performing ensembles I've played with: all of them were and are and will be set up by Him for some reason or another that will ultimately lead to furthering His kingdom. On the one side, that's somewhat of an easy concept to understand rationally, but practically? That blows my mind. So it's easier to just claim, "I am great," than to say, "I serve a great God." And most people are fine with just hearing, "Thank you, I worked really hard." My response should always be, "To God be the glory!"

Day 34: Vine and Branches- UNFINISHED

Point to Ponder: I am a branch.

Verse to Remember: John 15:5- "Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing."

Question to Consider: Have I been viewing God's work in my life as punishing me when in reality he has been pruning me?

Day 33: How Humility Handles Our Relationship with God- UNFINISHED

Point to Ponder: Your relationship with God is either growing in trust or sliding toward do-it-yourself religion.

Verse to Remember: Matthew 11:28- "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."

Question to Consider: How do I need to confess my needs in prayer and depend on God to meet my needs today?

Day 32: How Humility Handles Our Tendency to Compare- UNFINISHED

Point to Ponder: Jesus didn't just say, "Be satisfied if you're given the lowest seat"; he said, "Take the lowest place."

Verse to Remember: 2 Corinthians 10:12- "We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise."

Question to Consider: Have I ever been willing to take the lowest place? When I did, what happened?

Day 31: How Humility Handles Our Need to Be Noticed- UNFINISHED

Point to Ponder: The only way to be cured of the need to be noticed is to begin noticing other people's needs.

Verse to Remember: Romans 12:10- "Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves."

Question to Consider: What seemingly small need can I meet for someone else today?

school. . .

So things are going really well so far this year, but I am WIPED OUT. And it's Wednesday, so I'm really busy this evening. Therefore, I'm gonna be behind a couple days on here. I am still keeping up with the reading though.

Day 30: How Humility Handles Ambition

Ambition is a good thing. In fact, ambition is a GREAT thing! God created us with a specific purpose in mind, and we ought to chase after that with all that we have! He has left it up to us to take care of the world (for now), and we are made in His image, and if creating the universe isn't ambitious, then I don't know what is. So, ambition by itself is not bad. Ambitions that are selfish are when we get into trouble. Are we seeking after the things God wants, or what we want? I think careers are where a lot of us trip up. We are given a passion for something (good) and we throw ourselves into our jobs (good) and we end up ignoring the people in our lives because we're too busy working towards that promotion, that award, that competition, to the point of consumption (bad). The individual ambitious goals we have should lead to a fulfilling LIFE, not a compartmentalized version of life, where some things are great and other things we ignore.

So how do we get to be great? We must become like children. What does that really mean? I love all the familial relationships/analogies throughout the Bible, because they are so revealing. Children are dependent on their parents to provide their needs. They are trusting and accepting of their parent's will, even when they don't really understand why. In fact, sometimes they don't even ask; they take the rules given and (ideally) follow them out of respect for their parents. They are curious and always asking questions, and generally are satisfied with the answer they do (or do not) receive. After all, parents don't have to explain everything to a child, because they may not understand. Isn't that a great picture of how our relationship with our Heavenly Father should be? If we could strive to be more childlike, just think of the places God could take us!

Point to Ponder: True greatness is depending on God.
He's in control of everything anyway; why do we fight against Him and go our own way?

Verse to Remember: Matthew 18:4- "Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven."
The GREATEST! Aren't your favorite students/employees/children/people you are in a place of authority over the ones who trust you, who listen to you, who seek out your advice? So. . . why don't we treat God in that way as the ultimate authority?

Question to Consider: Am I demanding something of myself or others for which I should be depending on God?
I try really hard to keep myself from the feeling of "I'm desperate for _____" because it is in those moments that I make poor decisions and start telling God how He is supposed to fill that need (which sometimes isn't really a need but a want) and/or start seeking to fill that need through my own means/through the relationships I have. That's always a tough position to be in, but I have to try and take a step back and look at everything God has already done for me and realize that He's still working in my life, and that His timing and ways are not mine, and I'm not asked to understand it, but to obey and remain in Him.

Day 29: The Desire to Be Great

I'm very interested in this week's theme: The Greatest Are The Servants. That idea basically holds the New Testament together (well, that and Jesus' death, I suppose), so it should be a good and challenging week.

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I always love that Jesus, even when His disciples are being selfish, never turns things around and makes it about His needs and desires. "It's painful to see how quickly we become selfish when we're anxious or afraid." Such a sad human characteristic, and so true. I think even Jesus' prayer in Gethsemane shows the human tendency for that: "Take this cup from me," and His immediate response to that emotion shows us what should be our immediate response: "Not my will but Yours be done."

A very interesting thought: "[when Jesus'] disciples expressed ambitions for greatness, Jesus didn't tell them to stop wanting to be great." Humility does NOT mean not striving to be the best. What it does mean is that, in order to be the best, you have to choose to be humble! What does that really mean? There's a good self test that we can use in any situation. We just have to answer this: will we exalt ourselves, or will we put ourselves to the side and become a servant? Practically, it means that we might have to apologize first after an argument. It might mean that we give the last piece of our favorite cake to our significant other. It might mean that we watch a boring movie just so that we can spend time with someone else. It might mean taking someone for a ride when their car breaks down. There are millions of other everyday things like this, and we always have the choice: will we make it about us, or will we make it about the other person/people?

It's odd to think that being great and being humble mean the same thing, but yet it's said time and time again in the Bible (today's VtR is a perfect example). This concept is going to be looked at in greater depth over the next few days. I'm looking forward to it.

Point to Ponder: Jesus teaches us to translate our desire for greatness into actions of humility.
It doesn't say "get rid of our desires for greatness and replace them with actions of humility." Being great means being humble. Our society definitely doesn't teach that. The best are the ones who know how to step on everyone else and get to the top, no matter the cost. Whoever has the most stuff, the most money, the best car, the biggest house, is the winner, and everyone should bow to them. The truth is that the greatest people are those who bow to others and open their hearts, their minds, their homes, their pocket books, and serve those around them.

Verse to Remember: Matthew 23:12- "Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted."
Jesus is always turning things around. I imagine it would have been frustrating being a teacher of the law and hearing this kind of thing constantly.

Question to Consider: Is there some way my concept of humility needs to change?
I'm thinking that it will over the next few days. Even just the preview of today of what's to come has started my mind rolling a little bit.

Week 4 in Review

MADE IT THROUGH DAY ONE. It will be an interesting year for sure.

The theme this past week was: As You Judge, You Will Be Judged.

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When have you been offered forgiveness, and what did it mean to you?
Hmmm. . . if I end up thinking of something specific here, I'll come back.

What are some misconceptions about forgiveness?
I think the biggest one is that forgiveness means trusting. Just because you forgive someone doesn't mean that they have earned your trust back.

How does God's forgiveness for you strengthen you in your daily life?
I can think of two major ways. First, it reminds me of how big God really is. I mean, if He was able to forgive me for all the offenses I've committed (and will commit) before I even knew Him, then just. . . I don't even know. It's crazy to think about. Second, it helps me to look at other's and realize that they are just as imperfect as I, but more importantly they are just as FORGIVEN as I. How can I condemn them for what they are doing when God has chosen not to?

Is there someone you need to forgive or someone you need to ask for forgiveness?
Probably both.

How willing are you to forgive? Why is it hard to forgive?
I would like to think that I am pretty open to forgiving, but the truth of the matter is that I haven't had many relationship problems in which I have had someone come to me to ask for forgiveness. I would say that generally I'm pretty difficult to offend, but those rules go out the window when it's someone that I think highly of. So. . . I don't know. I know that I have an incredible memory, so sometimes it's hard for me to let go of stuff (usually that's stupid stuff that I do rather than other people, but I know that it can work both ways).

How can the group pray for you in the areas of hypocrisy, integrity, and mercy?
I think I need work on all areas, but especially the step between integrity and mercy. I have to learn not to be afraid to point something out to someone that I notice is a problem that I've dealt with. Again, I need to take the process from start to end, not just the start (finding the planks) and not just the end (removing others' specks).

Day 28: Seeing the Truth about Yourself

Surprisingly enough, I am indeed human, and I am glad for days like yesterday to remind myself of that. Although you shoot for the high parts, you can't ignore the low parts. Some people try and present the "Everything is always great!" card, and others try and score points with the "Nothing ever goes right!" card. The problem with both of those philosophies is that we aren't just lying to others, we are often lying to ourselves, and as I've said many a time, we lie best when we lie to ourselves. This ties into today's entry.

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If you are familiar with the movie National Treasure (and if you aren't, it's pretty good: barring the historical inaccuracies and the unlikely nature of the plot (which, if that's the reason you decide a movie isn't worth watching, well, you're entitled to your opinion, but I think you're missing the point), it's got action, a little romance, and a good amount of humor, and it's appropriate for younger eyes and ears), you may appreciate this analogy, or you may think I'm just totally crazy. When I read the opening part of this chapter and it was talking about going to the eye doctor, the first thing that popped into my head were the Benjamin Franklin glasses. Without explaining the whole movie plot, here's my analogy: the Declaration of Independence is kind of like the Bible, and the glasses are the Holy Spirit, and as we begin to study it and look through the different lenses, we can start to see the information that will lead us to spiritual riches that we never would have been able to see on our own. . . . OK, it's a bit of a stretch, but take it for what you will.

The point is this: I feel that most people do not take personal reflection time very seriously. In our own power, we look at our strength and build them to be something more than they are, and we take our flaws and cover them up and try to make as little fuss about them as possible. It is only through the conviction of the Holy Spirit that we start to learn true humility and begin to see the true weight of our sins and therefore repent. And once we have that attitude about ourselves, it can't help but to spread into our relationships. We get mad at people that interrupt us, and yet we are constantly talking over them to make sure we get our points heard. We shake our heads at parents who yell at their children in public while we are ripping them apart with our words in private at home. We chide our employees for laziness, and then step into our office and finish up the game of Freecell we started 2 hours earlier. We need to begin to open our eyes to the idea of being "imperfect" rather than just "good enough." The attitude of "Well, at least I don't ___________" doesn't cut it in God's eyes.

So, this chapter offers a self-test, and I offer it to you here. I hope that you will take some time out of your life and set aside a half hour to look through these questions and seek honest answers from yourself.

Questions about Ignoring the Plank in My Eye
What do I know to be true that I'm pretending is not true:
-in my relationships with others?
-in my relationship with God?
-in my thought life?
-in my business life?
-in my finances?
-in my recreation?

Do I find myself filled with anxiety or anger? What may be causing these emotions?

Is there something I know God has told me to do that I still haven't done?

Have I been focusing on the sins of others in order to hide from my own sin?

Questions about Removing the Plank from My Eye
Have I confessed my sin to God?

Have I confessed my sin to another person and sought forgiveness?

Do I have an accountability partner with whom I meet regularly for my spiritual health?

If I struggle with an addiction, what is keeping me from getting involved in a recovery program?

Have I made restitution if needed in cases where I've been cheated or hurt someone?

Is there someone I need to forgive?

Questions about Removing the Speck from My Brother's or Sister's Eye
Have I first looked for this issue or problem in my own life?

When will I talk with this person I want to help?

How should I pray specifically before we talk?

How can I state things in such a way that a spirit of mercy comes through?

What will I do if he/she responds well to our conversation? (Determine in advance what advice and support you can give!)

What will you do if he/she does not respond well to your conversation? (Determine in advance to choose to love, even if you are put off or rejected.)

Tough questions. Probing questions. Are your relationships worth it? Even if you don't think so, God tells you they are.

Point to Ponder: I HAVE SINNED. I AM FORGIVEN.
Both of those statements have to be so closely connected that you never think of one without the other. Thinking only of the first sends us into guilt and work-based grace seeking, neither of which are healthy. Thinking only of the second makes us think we have a license to sin, or at least forget the weight and power sin would have over us if not for God's grace. Either scenario makes us judge others. Keeping them together reminds us of where we were and gives us hope for not just the future, but TODAY. RIGHT NOW. And it is that awareness that can keep us from taking over God's place as judges of mankind.

Verse to Remember: James 2:13- "Mercy triumphs over judgment!"
As if we had any place to judge to begin with! And when we are merciful to others, we will often find that they will be merciful to us, and I know that I am in need of that sometimes, and I'm sure you are too.

Question to Consider: Schedule a time to personally reflect on the questions above.
Truly, if you usually just stop by here to see what's going on, or if this is your first visit, I implore you to take some quiet time (which means no Facebook or music!) (just speaking from experience) and really look into these and look into your heart. Once you start to quiet yourself and get focused, you can hear some pretty amazing things from God.

Day 27: Understanding God's Judgment

I'm "not in a good place" at the current moment, but I know it will pass. I pretty much know the reasons why, but either way, it's not conducive to me writing a blog entry right now. However, I must press on. . .

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Or not. I'll catch up tomorrow.

The opening part of this chapter makes a good point: we really don't like to think of God as a judge. There's a lot of negative connotations with the idea of "judgment", mostly because it involves the word "punishment" or "retribution" or some kind of payment. We don't necessarily like the idea that there's some being out there that tells us how we are supposed to live and what kinds of things we should and shouldn't do, and if we don't follow those, then we are "bad people." The truth of the matter is that regardless of whether or not we want to be judged, we are going to be, and we are ALL "bad people." You can imagine the best person in your whole life, or maybe someone that's well-known as a "really good person," and guess what? They are not perfect, and only in living a perfect life can we alone live up to God's standards. But even if we took that out, we can't go a day without breaking one of His commands and offending Him in some way. We don't even know how much we sin, even in just a few hours! Thankfully He doesn't catalogue our sins; if we are saved, then He has cast them as far as the east is from the west.

And what a burden we try to take on ourselves when we become judgmental! How are we to know the hearts and minds of those whom we look down because of their bad deeds on OR give a carte blanche to those whom we look up to as good people? We make the same mistake, although the circumstances seem opposite. We have to trust God as the ONLY fair judge. God knows everything, and we can't hide anything from Him. When we start to realize what awesome power and authority there is in that statement, it is easier to rest and not look at people as "good" or "bad" but instead as wayward souls whose only hope is to become connected to The Life. We also need to trust His timing. That can be so tough, especially when we really want something specific to happen in our lives or in other's lives. The problem with impatience is that it almost always has an unseen negative effect: "[w]hen we try to separate the wheat from the weeds, inevitably we'll make mistakes and do damage." If God's plans are not fully in place, important things can get messed up, and then it will take even more time than it originally would have if we would just leave well enough alone. Finally, we can be confident in facing the Day of Judgment. How lucky we are that we don't have to wait until death to see what happens: if we know Christ, we know we are going to Heaven! That sounds a bit circular in reasoning, but we have heavenly Proof of Insurance in the Holy Spirit. That's a deposit; that's our ticket stub into the grandest theater we will ever enter. So we don't have to worry about the punishment because it's already been taken care of. Will we still be held accountable for what we've done on Earth? Of course. And how we do here directly impacts our role in heaven (go back to the camp entries for more about this). Instead of judging those who are struggling, why don't we support them so that they, too, can strive for that heavenly work ethic and perspective in life?

Point to Ponder: The more I trust God as judge, the less judgmental I'll be.
Remember that we can't see into other's hearts. What basis then do we have to judge them on? Actions may be telling, but think about how many times you've seen or heard about someone who was "such a good person" commit some horrible act. Or think about the stories of those who were "bad people" that get their life turned around and start contributing to the good of their community. How do we judge them; based on their past, their present, their future, their current actions, their apparent motives? The answer is WE DON'T. We need to love them in whatever capacity we can. That's the end of the story.

Verse to Remember: 1 Corinthians 4:5- "Judge nothing before the appointed time; wait till the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men's hearts. At that time each will receive his praise from God."
This verse reminds us that God will judge our good actions as well as our bad, and He isn't just looking to condemn sin, but also to praise us for our hard work and commitment to His will.

Question to Consider: Am I trusting God to judge fairly?
It's another control issue. We want so much to see the other person "get what they deserve"; have we stopped and thought about what we truly deserve to have thrown on us for everything we have done? I don't know about you, but I'm glad it's God's job to judge and not mine, and I'm even more glad that He has provided a way for us to be kept from the ultimate punishment that we so deserve to receive.

Day 26: Understanding God's Mercy

If you didn't get the memo, the blog is now officially caught up! Woohoo!

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I love the epic storytelling of Bible passages in the book (which are headed "Experience the Truth"). Very wonderfully told. The story in this chapter is about the sinful woman that worships Jesus in Simon the Pharisee's house. The whole parable about the two men being forgiven a debt and the implication of how that affects their gratefulness. . . it made me realize how truly ungrateful I can be sometimes towards God. The funny part is how we base our self-righteousness on very unstable ground. When we realize that the basis of all our lives is sin, and no matter what "type" or "how much" or how long we've been "clean" or saved or whatever, EVERYONE is on equal ground, because NONE of us can measure up to God's standards, we realize how foolish it is to look at the way someone else worships God and thumb our nose at them. Age, marital status, career, none of it matters in the end. It is how we are seen in God's eyes that truly gives meaning, and when we stop looking at ourselves and others with that in mind, we forget about God's grace and mercy and step out into the land of selfishness. He has bridged the gap for ALL of us, regardless of our upbringing, our sins, our desires, our interests. . . all of it, used for His glory! What response is there but the highest amount of gratefulness we can muster! And think about how smart this is: if we could earn grace, then we would have every reason to become judgmental towards those who have not earned it. How perfect, then, that we have to come to the point where we realize that it is ONLY through God's gift of grace and mercy that we can become His children!

The analogy using Jean Valjean's stealing silver and then bring brought back to the bishop, who then gives him candlesticks as well? That's a perfect picture of propitiation (look at that alliteration! Also, the link is to my first camp entry: the second major paragraph talks about this idea): a situation where the party at fault is not only given what they didn't deserve in the first place, but even more! What Christ did on the cross is truly an overpayment. And our lives ought to be a direct reflection of that. Everything we do, everything we say, every decision and every relationship should be completely filled with His grace.

Point to Ponder: God wants us to be merciful because he is merciful.
Mind-bogglingly merciful. What an honor to be able to show even just a part of that to the people in our lives.

Verse to Remember: Ephesians 2:8-9 "For by grace you have been saved through faith, not of works, lest any man should boast."
This is one of those childhood verses I hold on to from AWANA, which has changed a lot since I've been in it. "Not of works". . . that's a hard thing for our society to swallow, since we are all "You can do what ever you want to if you work hard enough!" I don't disagree with that mantra when applied to career, family, or anything else Earth-based, but unfortunately it doesn't compare to the power of God's grace and the riches of His mercy. And what is more humbling than being told that you can never measure up to something?

Question to Consider: Have I accepted God's gift of merciful forgiveness and the grace to live a new life?
I have been starting to really "get" this in my life, though I'm still constantly learning a ton, and as long as I don't let my life get way off track, I think I will continue to do so.

Day 25: Say Now to Mercy

I'm catching up. Assuming nothing comes up tonight, I might be able to get the other entries done! In fact, I just finished two, so there are only three more backlogged. It's definitely attainable, but it's also mentally/emotionally taxing, so we'll see.

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Looking at the process from the original verses that we started this week with, we have to look at our own faults and then fix them, and then help our brother with his problems! The purpose of removing the plank isn't just because it gets in our way; it is also so that we can see clearly to be able to help others. Unfortunately our society throws up a smokescreen in regards to us trying to help others. I've spoken about it before: moral relativism. If we don't accept the idea that everyone is right in their own way because no one can ever truly be right, then we are judgmental and closed minded and living in the past. The idea of "tolerance" is presented as "accepting without opinion or comment whatever choices another makes." Here's the dictionary.com definition (I haven't used this site in so long!):
1. to allow the existence, presence, practice, or act of without prohibition or hindrance; permit.
2. to endure without repugnance; put up with.
3. Medicine/Medical- to endure or resist the action of (a drug, poison, etc.).
4. Obsolete- to experience, undergo, or sustain, as pain or hardship.
It comes from the Latin that meant "to bear." The funny part is that, of all the above definitions, the "obsolete" use is closest to the original meaning (medical "endure" also similar). So, this new-Age tolerance movement? It's crap. "It's a way for everybody to be able to express themselves," blah blah blah. . . what right do we have to express ourselves outside of the path and plans that our CREATOR has set for us? Even better: why would we WANT to do something that we weren't intended to do? It's one thing when you don't know better, and there are a lot of lost people out there, but for those who claim to follow Christ and yet will not reach out to Jews, gays, drug addicts, teenagers, because "it's not my place," guess what- it IS your place, your calling and your responsibility! Now, don't get me wrong- I do not support the crazy groups that antagonize and spew hatred at those groups (Westboro Baptist comes to mind- just typing that out is getting me pretty riled up). You can disagree with someone and still love them, and you also don't have to back off on your beliefs even if the other person doesn't agree. You have to show them MERCY.

Sorry, that was kind of a lame transition, but I had to get back on topic. Showing mercy is very difficult, because so often it is not accepted (often misinterpreted as judgment). The book made a good point: when Christ was going through the whole process of the crucifixion, He was constantly being made fun of, hurt, and otherwise ridiculed, and yet through His death He still forgave them and covered their sins, even though many would not accept it. We should expect no different. And think when someone offers you mercy. I know my first reaction is sometimes "What's your angle?" We think that people are helping us out of pity, or maybe spite, or maybe we think they want to elicit some response out of it. We have to be courageous not only to show mercy, but to receive it. The book lists some practical ways to show mercy, like being kind and patient, getting along with people, and forgiving (the verse all that comes from is in Colossians). We forget that simple things, like accepting responsibility instead of projecting blame on someone else, can have such crucial impacts in our relationships.

Finally, this chapter mentioned Micah 6:8, which was the theme verse for camp. :)

Point to Ponder: The alternative to judgment is not tolerance; it is mercy.
That's a pretty revolutionary statement. It's definitely something that we can use to combat the moral relativism that pervades our society, because it causes us to bring to light that there is indeed a standard to which we are measured, and it's not just every man for himself. Sometimes I feel Christians forget that too; they have their "salvation card," and that becomes their shield and defense for any attack on their sinful characteristics or problem areas in their lives. Of course we don't like to be told that we are wrong, but think about the implications of our wrong actions: we are hurting and grieving our Heavenly Father.

Verse to Remember: Colossians 3:12- "God has chosen you and made you his holy people. He loves you. So always do these things: Show mercy to others, be kind, humble, gentle, and patient. Get along with each other, and forgive each other. If someone does wrong to you, forgive that person because the Lord forgave you."
I love Colossians. Look at that first statement: God has chosen us. It's not just at random; He has given us skills and interests and put us in the exact positions where those things can be used to further His kingdom. And these verses carry great instructions we can use in everyday interactions.

Question to Consider: To whom can I show mercy today?
Hmm. . . well, considering the last part of the chapter, just being nice/kind/gentle with anyone I interact with today (and in the future) is a good start.

looking for answers

I was definitely riding the struggle bus earlier. First, I had a hard time getting out of bed, but that wasn't the whole reason I was an hour late to school this morning. For whatever reason, I tend to do some intense thinking in the shower, which is why I try to take one every morning (the hygiene part is nice too, I suppose). I've been seeking out some answers to questions I have about my life, and I don't know what it was about this morning, but I got a couple of those answers. Maybe it was that I finally reached the point where I realize I'm trying to overcomplicate His plans by throwing my ideas into the mix, or maybe I already knew the answers and just didn't realize that, or maybe God was like, "OK, you're ready to hear this now." Whatever the reason, I've been thinking on and off today about the implications of that. I've also been thinking about the one question in particular that I still don't have a clear answer about. However, tonight's sermon gave me some insight into that. "God rewards the faithfulness of His people." He doesn't expect us to bring Him the answer- He wants US to ask HIM for the answers. So who are we to turn our back on God? When we trust Him, He meets us at our deepest needs. It may not be the way we think we want or the way we expected, but if we remain faithful, He will bless us beyond measure. After all, HE KNOWS WHAT IS BEST FOR US. That last statement is so easy to say and so easy to see the truth of. . . and SO HARD to accept and put into practice sometimes. We don't always get to see the end! And actually, I think it's more about the process than the situation itself. He reaches us all in different ways and with different temptations and trials, but it is the way we go through those experiences that bring us towards the ultimate goal of knowing Him better and making Him known through our lives. Although a part of me still doesn't necessarily fully appreciate or understand this, I think the answer to the other question I had this morning is "Remain faithful." And how dare I (or anyone else) even begin to think that He doesn't know what's best? I have seen God work in and through my life in countless ways in the past 14 months alone, so I have no doubt in my mind that He knows what He is doing. "Even before we make the request, He has already prepared the place, 'the land of Goshen,'- we just have to ask Him how to get there." I believe with all my heart that DeLand, my job, my church, my Sunday School class, my friends, and even my apartment were all being prepared ahead of time for me to move down here. God has brought me through pride, through depression, through the beginnings of alcoholism, through uncontrollable rage, through so much more, and even when I said, "I want NOTHING to do with you!" He still loved me, and He knew what He had in store for me. And those couple steps out into the water, and a desperate prayer for change on a final plane ride to a new place, and look where I am now. I mean, I just. . . I don't think I can really fully describe the whole journey, but I also have to realize that the journey is NOT over, and He is still working in me, even if I don't see it! Goshen is not the end of the story for the people of Israel. They suffer years of enslavement, and then God brings them out of that and into a new land filled with blessing beyond measure. He always knows exactly what we need, and He is just waiting for us to take hold of it by taking hold of Him.

"Remain faithful." Such a simple request, coming from the One Who decided to pour His wrath that we rightly deserve onto His own Son so that He would be able to invite us to fellowship with Him. . . I mean, if that doesn't completely blow your mind every time you think about it, then I don't know how else to reach out to you. "I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God."

"Remain faithful."

Not the exact direction I was planning to go tonight, but that's what is on my heart right now.

Day 24: Say Yes to Integrity

This chapter points out the fact that the things we often see as a probem in other peoples' lives are really just us projecting our faults onto them. Instead of making the other person feel stupid, our response ought to be to check ourselves and see if we have those faults, and then work to get rid of them. And a neat spiral can come of this: we see a problem in someone else -> we realize we have the same problem -> we start to fix it -> the other person sees this and wants to change as well. Everybody wins! Wea also have to start thinking ahead and decide to do the right thing before the situation comes up. If we are involved with some kind of immorality, be it in our personal life, business, career, or whatever, we need to plan to get out of it, and we need accountability. Very few things change for people who try to fight on their own against bad habits or restore broken relationships. How much better (and in some ways easier) it is to let someone you know and trust support you, pray for you, and encourage you as you go through whatever it is that you're facing. I think the opposite of integrity is complacency, because when we are complacent we are satisfied with whatever is wrong and do not want to change. Involving a trusted friend pushes us out of that complacenty and towards integrity.

How do we choose integrity? We can speak the truth about ourselves. We lie best when we lie to ourselves, and we lie best when we lie about ourselves. It's really easy to cover things up to the point where we forget where the lie ends and the truth begins. Second, we can be honest about our faults. It tells us in James 5:16 that we need to admit our faults and pray for each other. That doesn't mean that EVERYONE needs to know your problems, but we should find someone to hold us accountable and lift us up (which was kind of discussed above). Finally, we can ask for God's help. We have to remember that temptations are just as much a chance for righteousness as they are for sin, and that He has told us we won't be tempted beyond what we can handle and that He will provide a way out (and when you start to realize what that verse really is telling us, you'll start to see it in your life too: a phone call, a distracting noise, a random encounter with someone, all sorts of things He can use to let us escape from the lies and deceptions of Satan).

Point to Ponder: Integrity means making up your mind in advance to do the right thing.
That makes a lot of sense to me. If we approach every situation with the attitude of "no matter what, I will do what God wants me to," then there's never any reason for us to be saying/doing something we shouldn't. And it's not just the actions that others see that makes us have integrity; it's doing the right thing even when no one is watching. What's the phrase. . . . "Integrity is doing the right thing whether everyone's watching or no one is." Something like that.

Verse to Remember: 1 Chronicles 29:17- "I know, my God, that you test the heart and are pleased with integrity."
After all, He sees everything we do, so if you think about what was stated above, integrity means approaching every situation with God's eyes. He knows our every move and intention, so if we seek integrity, we need to yield every thought and action to His will and standard. What could be more pleasing to Him and more fruitful for us than that?

Question to Consider: Who in your life can you admit your faults to and be confident that they will pray for you?
As stated in an earlier entry (week 2 sometime, maybe Day 13?), I am so blessed to have someone like this in my life.

Day 23: Say No to Hypocrisy

So, I was eating a sandwich and thought it was gone, which made me a little sad. I thought to myself, "I wish there were one more bite," and lo and behold! There was! AWESOME!!

Yeah, I know, GREAT story. :)

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"It's good to laugh at our hypocrisy. It's an admission of just how ridiculous it can be." SO true. I'm trying to think of an example in my life where I have been ludicrously hypocritical. . . the only one that comes to mind right now was the morning that I didn't finish my breakfast at school before students came in. Because I have a carpeted room, I make a big deal about students not having food in my classroom and eating (besides the fact that it's school policy, but we'll not get into that). Let me tell you, that morning I might as well have been eating an egg, because it was all over my face at that point. We make silly rules for others to follow, and yet we ourselves are usually the most guilty of breaking them. It's even worse when we are using someone else's standard against them, and yet we turn around and break it ourselves. Jesus' intent with the plank/speck thing was to show how crazy we really get.

If you didn't know, the origin of the word "hypocrisy" hearkens back to Greek drama as a name for actors who would ridicule others (seriously; it means "to play a part"). The idea of putting on a mask to hide your real self, and to point out in others the things that you don't like about yourself. . . sounds pretty human to me. A couple things struck me in this part of the chapter: "If's easy and less threatening to wear masks. . . you hear someone tell you they love you, and yet a voice inside you is saying, 'You say you love me, but if you knew the truth about me, you wouldn't say that!' It's a wearying road to travel." Man. I lived like that for so long. I won't get into all that now, but. . . well, once again I just have to praise God for how far He has taken me and be excited for where I will continue to go.

How do we avoid hypocrisy? Seems simple enough: instead of judging, we need to love others, both in word and in deed. It's so so so so so easy to pretend to love people. The phrase "I love you" comes out of some people's mouth so quickly and so often that I have to stop and really wonder what they mean by that. I'm probably a little too guarded in my use of the word "love", but that's because I believe it really should/does have a huge implication. On the other side, if my camp experience taught me anything, it's that allowing God to create His love in our life is really an amazing experience. I love the students in the group I got, and after two weeks I'm still thinking about them (quick story, before I forget: the evening I had them give me written prayer requests, I stuck them in my Bible for safekeeping. That evening, I opened up the Bible and wondered if the place I put them might have any implication for my prayers for them. The book was Leviticus, so I was definitely like. . . OK God, where are you going with this? Well, it was this passage, which talks about how to make a fellowship offering. What better way to thank God and become closer to Him than to offer prayers over the people in my family group? I thought it was neat, anyway). I still am much more of a "doer" than a "sayer" but who knows how that will shift as I continue to try and figure things out? And to hearken back to the whole love languages idea, I have to remember that some people respond more strongly to words than to actions, or at least to words accompanying the actions, whereas I tend to be more of a quiet worker (probably because for me, words don't say nearly as much as sacrificial actions or a loving touch). I feel like I'm birdwalking. . . . the point I'm making is that the world is to busy in their "love is God" mentality, rather than realizing that God is the only true source of love, and that's why we ought to be careful about using that word while at the same time having the confidence to use it in the appropriate context.

So there you have it. What plank(s) are in your eyes?

Point to Ponder: Hypocrisy is being more concerned about appearance than reality.
My favorite combination of words: "concerned about appearance." Don't get me started on this, but at the same time I should be careful not to start lashing out anyway, because that would end with me making a hypocritical statement, because I know that I am guilty of this attitude myself at times.

Verse to Remember: Romans 12:9- "Don't just pretend that you love others. Really love them."
Spoken right after the passage about offering ourselves as living sacrifices (in fact, the hierarchy here is: sacrifice, humility, love. Are we surprised by this? Because we really shouldn't be), what a simple yet potent idea. "Love must be sincere" is what the NIV says. If you really want to know all about love, 1 Corinthians gives us one of the best descriptions. Sometimes it seems really tough to get all of that right. . .and yet, other times, it seems to flow naturally out of our relationship circumstances. We need to strive for the latter and not get discouraged by the former (in fact, if we are having a problem connecting to someone down here, we need to yield that over to our Heavenly connection).

Question to Consider: Is there some circumstance or relationship in my life where I've grown comfortable wearing a mask?
Sometimes it seems like you tear down one wall only to find that you had put a bunch more behind it, just in case. I feel like that's the point I'm at in life in general at this point: I'm still trying to fully realize the implication of being a new creation, and that I don't have to hide out or keep others from knowing where I've come from and what I'm still struggling with. Again, I've opened up quite a bit, but there's still more for me to expose from behind the mask.

Day 22: The Danger of Judgment

So today marks my actual 1 year anniversary of having moved to Florida. Yep; 365 days ago I flew in on an afternoon flight (I want to say 3:30-ish was take-off) and settled into my apartment, eagerly awaiting this weird "TIP" program and "pre-planning" to start. I remember I spent my first couple weeks sleeping on the love seat in my apartment. I don't really remember the rationale for that, but I'm glad I graduated to my bed after that. The move was such a whirlwind, and I didn't know anyone down here. . . and look at me know. All crazy, amazing, wonderful ways in which God has blessed me down here. . . I don't even know where to begin. My friends, my church, my job. . . I can only imagine what He has in store for me this next year.

Anyway, back to the book. The theme for this week is: "As You Judge, You Will Be Judged." (Also, I was going to try and catch up on a couple entries, but about an hour ago I took an antihistamine instead of ibuprofen for my headache (one of the few downsides to being super habitual: I almost never take ibuprofen, so when I went to the medicine cabinet, I automatically grabbed the antihistamine and it was down the hatch before I even thought about it. . . needless to say I'm a little groggy)).

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This week's theme is based out of this passage in Matthew, which deals with having a judgmental attitude. There's an interesting three step process almost hidden in these verses: we have to recognize the plank in our eye, remove it, and then remove the speck from someone else's eye. Great analogy, and it can be used in many ways. I mean, isn't that really way we ought to evangelize? We see the major problem in our life, get rid of it (by giving our life over to Jesus), and then help other people see the problems they have. It's a bit of a stretch, but really, so many people are walking around, unaware of the huge things that are getting in their way, and the only people who can truly help them out are those that have been made aware of that problem.

It's really hard not to judge at times. We see someone that's different than us, and almost always our first reaction is "I'm glad I don't do/look/sound/live like that." But an even more interesting thing to explore is when we excuse the bad actions of people we like. "Both responses- falsely condemning and falsely excusing actions- are judgmental." I don't think that this means that we don't forgive people for what happens, but what it does mean is that we still hold them accountable for what they have done/are doing. The ultimate indicator of how we should respond to people's actions is how Christ responds to their actions. He forgives, He loves, He cares, but yet He does not let people continue to walk on bad paths (the woman who was to be stoned is protected, and yet He tells her she needs to leave her life of sin). When we let those we care about do something they shouldn't and not say anything by looking at who they are rather than what they've done, we are actually hurting them. Three themes are going to be picked up in the next few days: hypocrisy, integrity, and mercy. I'm interested to see where he takes this.

Point to Ponder: Hypocrisy is focusing on the speck in another person's eye while ignoring the plank in your own. Integrity is removing the plank from your own eye. Mercy is removing the speck from another's eye.
I like this. People try to explain hypocrisy, and this illustration shows it perfectly (saying one thing while ignoring that same thing in your life).

Verse to Remember: Matthew 7:1- "Do not judge, or you too will be judged."
Remember: when you point a finger at someone, three more are pointing back at you, and if you're not careful, your thumb might be pointing towards God. Do you want people to see God as the ultimate Judge (which, granted, He is) or a loving Father? Are we showing God's wrath, which was/is consumed by Christ's death, or His love, which is shown through Christ's death?

Question to Consider: Are there places in my life where I see a tendency to be judgmental of others?
I tend to judge people on how they write and talk (hypocrisy, thy name is Ben). I don't expect "proper American English" because that phrase within itself is rubbish, but when people don't pronounce words correctly (leaving the "s" of of some words (like "asks") while adding "s" to all sorts of words that don't need it) or when they use the wrong verb tense or conjugate a verb to a form that doesn't exist ("shined", "brung", "drug" (for "dragged", just to name three), it irks me just a little bit. I don't really correct people anymore because that's rude, unless I'm proofreading for them. I wonder if this chapter will address the idea of what to do with judgmental thoughts. . .

Week 3 in Review

It's weird to think about doing a review entry about days that I haven't even blogged about yet! Oh well. The theme was "Communicate from the Heart."

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When it comes to conflict, are you a skunk or a turtle?
For me, it depends on the situation, though probably I am more of a turtle than a skunk. I really don't like it when people fight, especially when it's over stupid things. I'm all up for a discussion about something, even if it gets a little heated, but to fight over something stupid or trivial is, well, stupid. When possible I try to diffuse the situation, either by siding with the person who is right (in the chance that there is a "right" side and not just a "this is my way" type deal) or by taking the attention off the trivial and getting the focus back to the important. Or by breaking the tension with well played word games (when my wit is on, it is ON! And when it's not, it's usually so bad that people laugh in spite of it, so I win both ways!) I generally try not to get myself drawn into such situations when I can help it. On the other side, when I do decide to engage in conflict, I can definitely be the skunk, because EVERYONE will know exactly how I stand. I'm pretty stubborn/opinionated/vocal about what I believe when it comes down to it.

Describe a time when you were helped by someone who was honest and loving enough to tell you what you needed to hear rather than just what you wanted to hear. Or was there a time in your life when you wished somebody would have done that?
Hmmmm. . . I had to come back and think about this one. I was at a pretty low point in my life and seriously out of control (like, close to harming myself out of control). I thought I wanted someone to verify my feelings, to tell me that what I was going through was for all the reasons I had dreamed up, to "understand" and feed into my craziness so that I didn't feel as crazy as I did. Instead, I got a smack to the face (literally) and was told I needed to stop acting out and grow up (in terms not much less stern than that). It's so easy to spiral downward and try and drag others with you; I can't imagine it's easy being on the other side, resisting the pull but also not wanting to let the other person drop.

Is there someone in your life you need to confront? Someone you need to encourage?
There is definitely someone I need to confront, mostly to tie up all the loose ends I left back in the mitten and to possibly see if I can become a helpful force in his life rather than a destructive one. It's hard to see how to fix that when I'm 1,200 miles away, and it's also really easy to use that as the excuse to leave things where they are at. As far as encouragement, I can think of a few people down here who I am still getting to know, and I can be more of a positive influence rather than a neutral (or even sometimes negative) one.

How could you be better at building trust with your words?
I tend to use jokes and sarcasm not cruelly but as a defense when I start to get a little overwhelmed or uncomfortable, and while I don't think they are misinterpreted, I'm still avoiding opportunities to say something of significance. I have myself convinced that I'm not a comfortable speaker, but especially with all that happened at camp, God is slowly teaching me that I don't need to be afraid of what is going to come out of my mouth as long as I am staying connected to Him. So, we'll see what comes of that.

Did the way Jesus pictured the truth with Nicodemus and the woman at the well give you any ideas for using pictures to get the point across in your conversations?
Well, not particularly, but it did make me feel better about my copious use of analogies to convey ideas (which you know if you've been following this blog for a while, or if you've ever been in a rehearsal that I'm teaching/leading).

Day 21- Troubleshooting Communication

Great day. Long day, but great. What better way to spend a Sunday afternoon than to celebrate a cute two-year old's birthday though? Sure, there are probably many other things I could have been doing the day before I return to my regular school schedule (preplanning starts tomorrow! Summer is officially over), but I honestly can't think of any better way than to hang out at my "other home." I may have been there most of the day, but what "a small price to pay for what you get in return. For what you get in return, it's a steal" (Sports Night quote, btw. Probably you've never heard of it. I would be surprised if you did, actually). It's hard to resist helping out and spending time with people whom you enjoy being around and, well, love.

Ramble ramble ramble. Moral of the story: I don't really want to go to bed without blogging, so sorry if any of this doesn't make sense or if it seems a bit rushed.

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This chapter talks about five different problems in communication that Jesus ran across and how He handled them. He gave confident responses to criticism. It's so easy for us to fight back, to bite back, to become super defensive and to try and score a low blow on the offending party so as to make ourselves look better. If we can act and speak in truth, we both make the other person look foolish and dispel whatever criticism there is. Second, He offered proof in the face of doubt. It's encouraging to think that Jesus was doubted, even by His own disciples! Interesting idea, to focus on the other's need rather than on ourselves. We need to look into the reason the person is doubting before we decide on the action we want to take. Third, Jesus stayed silent when ridiculed. There's no reason to fan the flames of sarcasm or downright ridicule, and our Savior shows us the perfect answer- just let it be. Fourth, He used truth to get out of a tight spot. People often try to trap us in word games, manipulating what we said or setting us up for failure. Sometimes the best answer we can give is that of a perspective of truth, rather than manipulation. This both exposes the trap and turns the focus on the accusers rather than the accused. Finally, He left when rejected. Jesus was rejected by many people- why should we expect different, especially when we bear His message to them?! As humans, we want to run after them, we want to pursue them, but as the book points out, it becomes a vicious cycle, where the other person feels important because they are being chased, so they keep out of reach so that they can continue to hold that power over us. And how often do we fall into that? Instead, if we stand our ground and walk in faith, God may bring that person back to us in His own way and His own time (we have to be careful not to rush it). If we are secure in our relationship with Him, we start to realize how silly it is to pursue human acceptance, since that kind of acceptance even at its best pales in comparison to the love He has in store for us. We have to build those broken relationships on true change for both parties if we really want that reconciliation to come after rejection.

Point to Ponder: It takes courage to communicate.
I think there needs to be a modification to this: it takes courage to communicate honestly and lovingly. It's really easy to communicate to someone that you don't want anything to do with them. It's also really easy to lie (most of the time, anyway). But it's not so easy to ask for help. It's not easy to tell someone that they are messing something up in their life (much less figure out how to say that to them without setting yourself up to get a bloody lip or a black eye). It's not easy to say to someone, "I love you" (at least for me it isn't, which I suppose is a better problem than saying it too frequently and having it lose meaning, but still, I kind of make myself sad that a)I don't open up to the people whom God has put me in a position to be close to, people who I see frequently, and where His personal love is the reason for those relationships to have even come about in the first place, and b)I'm not always loving to those who I just run across from time to time and/or in random encounters).

Verse to Remember: Proverbs 18:21- "Death and life are in the power of the tongue."
And isn't it funny how easily the power of our tongue works for death rather than life? It's way easier to cut someone down than build them up, for a diversity of reasons. Mostly we have to remember that we are programmed that way, that evil really does come from our hearts as humans, and we need to take the split second to decide if what we are going to say will be for the good or bad of the person/people listening. Truly everything we speak can either help or hinder the kingdom, and sometimes we forget that our words do have that much weight.

Question to Consider: Is there someone who needs to hear you say. . . "I want to begin rebuilding trust"? "I forgive you"? "It's been way too long since we're talked"? "I recognize that my words reveal my heart"? "Honestly, this is what I want to share with you. . ."?
WHY ALL THE QUESTIONS?? Also, it's way funnier if you put each of the question marks inside the quotation marks. This is an indication that I need to go to bed.