Day 36: The Big Question

I can't believe I'm in the final week of this book already! Time certainly flies. This week's theme: Treat Others as You Want Them to Treat You.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This chapter discusses the Golden Rule (sorry, I couldn't resist myself with the comic). We've all heard it and said it a million times: treat others like you want to be treated. Such a simple motto, and it's somewhat catchy. What it doesn't seem to answer, however, is "the Big Question"- how do we get our needs met in a relationship? That question isn't inherently bad (not at first, anyway). God did create us with the need for fellowship, support, love, and all that stuff that we get out of relationships. It's not a bad thing to realize that a)we have needs and b)God brings people into our lives to fill those needs. But often times we let it get in the way. I know that I used to have a very "you have to take care of yourself first" attitude, and while that's good for some parts of life, with relationships it becomes a whole different animal. The fact is that we can't take care of ourselves until we are taking care of others. It sounds backwards, but the more we wait or manipulate or try to somehow squeeze our needs out of someone else in any way other than selfless service, the more strained the relationship gets, and eventually something breaks. I know I have been there. And though I would not say that I am at a completely selfless/servant level yet, I know that I am on my way to that place. With a lot of the friends I've made down here, I can see and feel the difference.

This chapter mentions a few other rules we try to play by. First is the Reciprocal Rule. What others do for us, we do for them. The problem with this style is that we end up waiting on the other person to make a move, and when they don't, we get frustrated. It becomes a game of earning and accumulating points to cash in for service at a later date. This rule also doesn't allow for the other person to have bad days: if someone snaps at you and later apologizes, are you going to forgive them or snap back, because after all, that's the way they treated you? Another is the Ricochet Rule. What others have done to me dictates the way that I will treat you. We like to blame everyone for the way we treat others: our parents did this to us, our siblings did this, our ex was like this, our boss never did this, etc. Out of some self-righteous feeling to reestablish justice in the world, we have to spread the things that have happened to us onto others. I know sometimes it's hard to break the cycle, but we have to realize the disservice we do to others when we don't treat them the way we SHOULD have been treated. Third was the Hidden Motive Rule. We act like we are serving, but really we are trying to elicit a response from the other person that will help us out. I think this happens most often with good intention. We don't necessarily mean to become selfish, but we know something we can do to scratch someone's back so that we can then present a request to them and hopefully trap them in the Reciprocal Rule. Wouldn't it just be easier to present the request first, hear the answer, and serve them regardless if we got what we wanted or not? Are we so caught up with our needs that we forget how amazing that other person is? The solution to getting rid of these rules is, of course, to replace them with the Golden Rule. What that really means, though, is to take the initiative and serve out of thankfulness to God for bringing you to know them and thankfulness to them for what they mean in your life. What more reason do we need to treat people nicely?!?

Point to Ponder: I must give myself to meeting others' needs if I'm going to get my own needs met.
It's easy to look at that sentence and think it sounds like the Hidden Motive Rule. But there's more to the statement than just what it says. If we are really giving ourselves to meet others' needs, it means that we are also trusting that that is what God wants us to do, and that He's going to take care of the rest. It's only when we start to do things in order that we are taking care of ourselves that we run into problems.

Verse to Remember: Matthew 7:12- "Do for others what you would like them to do for you."
The Golden Rule takes the emphasis off of our needs and places it on others. Notice it does not say any of the following:
-Do for others what you expect them to do for you.
-Do for others what you think they will do back for you.
-Do for others what will get them to feel they should do for you.
And yet how often do our actions and motives lie in those bottom three rather than in the Scripture?

Question to Consider: Who can I thank God for so that I can grab the initiative in meeting his or her needs?
I think there is definitely a need for me to think about how I might be able to meet needs for people that I don't see all the time (or maybe even at all, if they're back in Michigan).