Day 18: A New Kind of Honesty

OCD alert- some of my entries have hyphens after the day, others have colons. I don't know if I'm going to go back and change them. . . the hyphen is a new thing I've been using in the past couple months. No reason to resist change.

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One of the worst questions in the world: "What's up?" I have two problems with it. First, it is said almost as often as "I love you," and has just about as much meaning behind it (that is to say, it's fake). People ask what is up because it's a friendly greeting. They don't actually want to know what's going on in your life, which is what makes it frustrating (though generally it is not done with a bad intent) and brings me to the second problem. When someone asks me that, I try to honestly answer it! And time and time again, I start trying to talk about whatever and the person either shuts me off or interrupts me. I don't take offense, but I do hope that I at least make them think about what they are saying (probably not though). And I'm guilty of it too. Sometimes people ask me how things are going, and I am usually truthful (and depending on the person, I may divulge a little more information than just my current emotional status), and though often I see what's going on in their life, sometimes I don't ask people how they are doing back. And I'll be honest, it's because I'm probably not thinking about them at the moment, and I would rather not be the "What's up" guy that doesn't listen. That doesn't make it right, and in light of some of the things I've been learning from this book, I ought to get myself into the habit of always seeing how the other person is, regardless of who it is, and really listening, not just being nice.

The book talks about how honest Jesus was, always delivering the truth and never too concerned about hurting people's feelings. It made me think about the people in my life who, if and/or when they have told me something honestly and sternly, I may have been hurt, but I also knew that what they said was true, and that always makes me want to change whatever thing it is we are discussing. We always have to be careful with how much control we allow feelings to take place in relationships; they are important, but they are not the ultimate authority for our choices. "Speaking the truth in love" really means being honest in order to build someone up. Truth-only tears people apart; love-only misleads people and breaks down trust. Doing both? Way harder. Honesty is always going to be harder than saving face with someone, or tearing them down for that matter. We are good at lying, and we are good at shooting word arrows, and we get plenty of practice with both during the course of our lives without even going out of our way to do so; at least for the people that are close to us, can we break that pattern and say the things they need to hear in a way that will reach them lovingly? If we turn the situation around, what and HOW would we want them to say to us?

Point to Ponder: It is easier to be nice than to be honest.
I feel like I've said this a few times through this series, but we are so afraid of offending people that we would rather just lie and walk away then reveal our true feelings. It is really more an issue of delivery than what the truth is. Saying "That dress makes you look like a cow" is a lot different than saying "That may not be the best choice to wear for tonight" or even "Honestly. . . yes" (the question clearly being "Will you make me a sandwich?"). Really, the last one is best, because it's truthful and uses the least amount of words. Coming from someone who is overly verbose in responses, we get tangled up when we start trying to explain every single thing. Less is definitely more.

Verse to Remember: Ephesians 4:15- "Speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ."
I feel like this verse gets misused a lot, in the sense of "you need to go get up in that person's grill and hit them with some loving truth!" It's not loving just because it's the truth and you're bringing it up. Again, it's a lot about approach.

Question to Consider: Is there someone with whom I need to take the risk to have an honest conversation?
Um. . . everyone? Shouldn't we always risk whatever it takes to be honest with the people that are in our lives? We risk looking foolish, we risk being thought of as strange, we risk being hurt. . . but the results of honesty are always worth it.