I don't know about you, but that's a question that I find that I ask myself often these days. For me lately there's been a series of changes, some that I have been in control of and some that I have not, so inherently in any time of transition there is going to be some change and potential turmoil. Six months ago I would never have imagined that this is where I would be. Actually, three weeks ago I would not have imagined I would be where I am at right now.
(And someday soon, I'll stop writing so much about myself and instead reflect on the things I am observing! I think that is far more interesting material anyway)
So where am I?
I have joined up with a new church plant (thegracelifechurch.org) and am leading music; this will be my second Sunday this weekend.
I have an audition for an accompanist position at Jacksonville University next week; I am playing for the choral director and piano professor as well as the head of the music department.
I am moving out of my house.
I am just starting up the rehearsal process for another musical (and one "full" rehearsal in I can tell that I have a great cast, which is good because the music is wicked hard).
The only non-surprise on the list is the last one, and the wonderful surprise there is the awesome cast. I may have said this before, but there is something the Church could learn from community theater- in this case, we have 14 "random" people from all different walks of life, backgrounds, ancestry, and yet we unite to one goal and work and build each other up together. There's no competition, there's no back-biting, because those things affect the final product otherwise. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying there's never drama in a cast. But I have rarely walked away from a production with a bad taste in my mouth, and typically it stems from some form of unprofessional action (and honestly. . . in six years of being in Florida, I've only had three bad situations out of probably 20 MD gigs and 12 keys gigs; I feel like that is a good ratio, considering the nature of performance art).
. . . . sorry for that bird walk, I was just updating my musical theater resume. Anyway. . .
If I move down the list I just made, there is one common denominator in all of them: prayer.
In the case of the church plant, I was not necessarily seeking a "church gig" (I hate that thought as it is- that's a topic for a different day). I saw an e-mail that a place had an immediate need, and as I am transitioning my life anyway I figured it couldn't hurt to respond and at the very least help the Body out in a time of need. It is strangely humbling to be an answer to prayer. I met with their pastor and ended up being able to hang out with a life group that evening as well, and I fit in very comfortably, which is always a good sign. The coolest part about last Sunday was hearing a congregation of essentially strangers raise their voices in praise. Like, I can't even begin to describe how encouraging that was, especially after what turned into a bit of a hectic set-up before the service. I never imagined a) being involved with a church plant nor b) feeling that welcome. There is definitely some great God stuff going on there, and I am excited to see what happens. The other very odd thing about this situation is the vision I'm being given. I am not a vision person; I'm a do-er. But I hear the words of a dear friend echoed in the plans I am making and the approach I am taking, in that I think what I ultimately have to offer them is someone to lead them into learning to lead themselves in music. I want to develop a music and media team for them of their people (particularly because I'm not necessarily moving to that area but somewhere about 30-40 minutes away, and I think there is something else for me eventually. . . again, a discussion for another time) and work myself out of a job. But who knows what will happen? I'm not naive enough to think that I've got it all figured out and can set the date and timing of it all, and perhaps I will fall greatly in love with their community and become a part of it. I really have no idea. But I know I'm supposed to be there now (as a side note and more of the orchestration power of God- there were no other bites to the e-mail that was sent for this position).
In the case of the audition, holy way-more-than-I-expected, Batman. Being unemployed at the moment, I've been praying fervently for provision. I sent an e-mail to UNF and JU just saying that I'm a pianist for hire, I have experience accompanying college students, here's my contact info. All I really expected was a response of "thanks, we'll put your info in our files." Instead, JU said they might need me and asked if I could come meet with them. I said sure, and the next thing I know they want me to prepare an instrumental accompaniment as well as be prepared to sightread for three faculty members. I still have no idea what they need and what kind of job is offered, but I know it's God opening doors. He is secretly going through my list of things I said I would never do. I would never teach at a private school, I would never teach elementary kids, and now I will "never" gig full-time. And yet here we are, looking very seriously at my hands truly being the full-time money makers. And this will be my first audition since. . . I don't even know. I guess sometime in college. Maybe even my college auditions. . . . so you know, 10 years ago.
Clearly, my leaving my house is directly related to the other two things already mentioned. I began the MA in Bible program through Trinity Baptist College in Jacksonville, which is the original motivation for moving. And I have had a renter lined up for a while, so that was a piece God took care of (I guess to assuage my transition out of the job and church I've been at for the past three/six years, letting me know I'm headed the right direction and He is still in control).
Now, to finally get to the actual point:
Matthew 6:26-34: "Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."
This is this lesson that I have been learning for the past three weeks, for the past five and a half months, for the past nearly two years. I cannot and will not say that I have handled every situation perfectly. I have had plenty of arguments with God, plenty of anger and tears and doubt and rebellion. I know those moments are still coming. But I can also say with 100% confidence that God has not just brought me to the place I am; He is bringing me through it.
James 1:2-4: Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
I am markedly different now than I was at the beginning of summer. Whether or not anyone would be able to tell is hard because I disappeared for a few weeks, traveling and seeing family and friends and then more family. But once I got back from all of that, I started to recognize my lack of ability to control life and my need for dependence on God.
And that's where my life is going- off of my power alone and instead yoked to Christ's power.
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Praying for you, Seems like God has you exactly where you are at! That's scary and awesome at the same time. If you happen to get thrown into youth ministry as well let me know! I have a free resources I can help provide your way :)
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