Today I learned something important. Earlier I was praying about my parent info meeting tonight for band and asking God "PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let some people show up so that I don't look like a fool." I was doing my best not to get too worked up, but still, this is important, and it's not just my job but my calling (birthday gift, if anyone remembers that). Then I thought about what I asked and how I asked it. Who am I to bargain with God? Why was I worrying? So I changed my prayer to this: "God, this is in your hands. I've gone to the schools, I've sent letters home, I've issued announcements, but ultimately you know what I need. I will take whatever you entrust to me and do my best with it, no matter what, because that's what you want me to do."
You know what I found? Trusting in God's plan generally makes it easy to celebrate seemingly small happenings as great victories and look past the immediacy of a tough situation. Only four people showed up to my meeting tonight, but they were some of the nicest people from my school that I've interacted with all year, and they all jumped on the bandwagon (literally). I've still got 10 or so days to recruit before summer, but regardless of what happens I know that He has given me a great opportunity here in central Florida. I've got more specifics now (and I AM having a full year mixed MS elective which is a HUGE burden lifted for me) and I could get more to sign up, but even if I only have about 10 kids to begin with, well, that's 10 more kids than I had this year. I've got to start somewhere, and I am so excited to continue to love on the students I have as well as get to know some new ones. I'm looking forward to ending this year and starting fresh next year, because the possibilities are still endless and God can still do the impossible.
I am doing a great work, and I cannot come down.
5/25/2010
5/23/2010
a song at 2 AM
Not a song I made up, but it kinda sums up how I'm feeling right now.
Savior, please take my hand
I work so hard, I live so fast
This life begins, and then it ends
And I do the best that I can, but I don't know how long I'll last
I try to be so tough
But I'm just not strong enough
I can't do this alone, God I need You to hold on to me
I try to be good enough
But I'm nothing without Your love
Savior, please keep saving me
Savior, please help me stand
I fall so hard, I fade so fast
Will You begin right where I end
And be the God of all I am because You're all I have
Hallelujah
Everything You are to me
Is everything I'll ever need
And I am learning to believe
That I don't have to prove a thing
'Cause You're the one who's saving me
Savior, please take my hand
I work so hard, I live so fast
This life begins, and then it ends
And I do the best that I can, but I don't know how long I'll last
I try to be so tough
But I'm just not strong enough
I can't do this alone, God I need You to hold on to me
I try to be good enough
But I'm nothing without Your love
Savior, please keep saving me
Savior, please help me stand
I fall so hard, I fade so fast
Will You begin right where I end
And be the God of all I am because You're all I have
Hallelujah
Everything You are to me
Is everything I'll ever need
And I am learning to believe
That I don't have to prove a thing
'Cause You're the one who's saving me
5/09/2010
Mother's Day, sickness, and forgiveness
Today is Mother's Day. I am so blessed to have a few different mother figures in my life.
First there is my biological mother. I called her on Skype today (I set it up with my brother, since my parents don't have a computer (the computer we got when I was in 6th grade no longer counts as a computer. . . I think it's running on Windows 98 haha) or high speed internet), and I know that really meant something to her. We talked for a while, I showed her my school picture and a couple other things, and otherwise it was just like a phone call except in person. We'll probably do that more often, which will be neat for her and me.
Second is Tracey, one of my OTP connections. She generally directs the musicals, and since that's what I did with OTP primarily (though I was involved with two stage plays). She's very insightful and one of the funniest people to be around (let me put it this way- you can detect her laugh from about 5 miles away haha). The OTP gang is like a second family. I saw her (along with Kim, Victoria, and Kristina) for lunch when I was up for my brother's wedding. I left her a phone message; I may not get a call back for a while, but if I don't talk to her before June 13 I'm sure I'll see her when I'm up for Gilbert's wedding.
Third is Mrs. Disterheft. The mother of a good college friend, I got to know her and the whole Disterheft clan between staying with them for the MMC and living at their house for a week when I tech'd the Homeschool Band's drumline. She's such an awesome person and has been very supportive of my move down here and all the exciting things happening spiritually in my life.
Fourth isn't really one person (and not all female either) but a bunch of the people at SBC take such great care of me, and there are some great mother/father/brother/sister/cousin figures there for me. I couldn't have asked for a better church to be a part of after uprooting and moving to Florida.
So, to all those people, thank you so much for all the different parts of my life that you fill and are a part of.
It seems my crazy lifestyle finally caught up with me, and I got sick this week. I went back to school Friday, and plan to continue to go (because at this point, it's just a little sniffle and a very small sore throat), but it was sad/nice to have those couple days off. But I got to thinking (you know me; I never really stop): whenever I get physically sick, I tend to have some weird thoughts and even feel just a little crazy. I wonder if when our bodies are sick, our personal spiritual defenses also droop in strength and more of those invading thoughts and emotions seep into our brains and mess with our mental health. Just an idea.
Finally, a quote from Bob Mumford's "The Purpose of Temptation" that I found to be rather interesting/encouraging:
"Today multitudes of Christians are struggling in their first wilderness of doubts about forgiveness of sins. They come to the altar again and again saying, 'I just don't know. Maybe I better ask God to save me again." They have never fully understood the principle and they are totally unprepared for the problem. There is no way to get to the provision of real peace in God except through the problem of doubt. You must come to the point of deciding- in spite of some convincing factors of feelings and rational doubts- that God's Word is to be trusted. You must choose to believe that Christ is indeed God's Son who died for your personal rebellion and sins. You will never be convinced or have peace with God any other way. No overwhelming proof will come your way before you make your decision. The peace and assurance can only come after you have decided to trust God's Word in the midst of uncertainty. That is faith."
First there is my biological mother. I called her on Skype today (I set it up with my brother, since my parents don't have a computer (the computer we got when I was in 6th grade no longer counts as a computer. . . I think it's running on Windows 98 haha) or high speed internet), and I know that really meant something to her. We talked for a while, I showed her my school picture and a couple other things, and otherwise it was just like a phone call except in person. We'll probably do that more often, which will be neat for her and me.
Second is Tracey, one of my OTP connections. She generally directs the musicals, and since that's what I did with OTP primarily (though I was involved with two stage plays). She's very insightful and one of the funniest people to be around (let me put it this way- you can detect her laugh from about 5 miles away haha). The OTP gang is like a second family. I saw her (along with Kim, Victoria, and Kristina) for lunch when I was up for my brother's wedding. I left her a phone message; I may not get a call back for a while, but if I don't talk to her before June 13 I'm sure I'll see her when I'm up for Gilbert's wedding.
Third is Mrs. Disterheft. The mother of a good college friend, I got to know her and the whole Disterheft clan between staying with them for the MMC and living at their house for a week when I tech'd the Homeschool Band's drumline. She's such an awesome person and has been very supportive of my move down here and all the exciting things happening spiritually in my life.
Fourth isn't really one person (and not all female either) but a bunch of the people at SBC take such great care of me, and there are some great mother/father/brother/sister/cousin figures there for me. I couldn't have asked for a better church to be a part of after uprooting and moving to Florida.
So, to all those people, thank you so much for all the different parts of my life that you fill and are a part of.
It seems my crazy lifestyle finally caught up with me, and I got sick this week. I went back to school Friday, and plan to continue to go (because at this point, it's just a little sniffle and a very small sore throat), but it was sad/nice to have those couple days off. But I got to thinking (you know me; I never really stop): whenever I get physically sick, I tend to have some weird thoughts and even feel just a little crazy. I wonder if when our bodies are sick, our personal spiritual defenses also droop in strength and more of those invading thoughts and emotions seep into our brains and mess with our mental health. Just an idea.
Finally, a quote from Bob Mumford's "The Purpose of Temptation" that I found to be rather interesting/encouraging:
"Today multitudes of Christians are struggling in their first wilderness of doubts about forgiveness of sins. They come to the altar again and again saying, 'I just don't know. Maybe I better ask God to save me again." They have never fully understood the principle and they are totally unprepared for the problem. There is no way to get to the provision of real peace in God except through the problem of doubt. You must come to the point of deciding- in spite of some convincing factors of feelings and rational doubts- that God's Word is to be trusted. You must choose to believe that Christ is indeed God's Son who died for your personal rebellion and sins. You will never be convinced or have peace with God any other way. No overwhelming proof will come your way before you make your decision. The peace and assurance can only come after you have decided to trust God's Word in the midst of uncertainty. That is faith."
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