Day 6: I Will Let You Choose- UNFINISHED

EDIT (3/2/10): So. . . wow. I'm a little behind, but I'm going to let my OCD go. Plus, yesterday was crazy. At school, I felt it was going to be a I-can't-do-anything-right kind of day. Teaching itself actually wasn't bad at all, but around 4th period (10 AM or so) I started developing a headache that didn't get better. HS band is still kind of a blur in my mind, as is what I did after that and the FCAT training we had after school. I got home around 4:15, and by 5 o'clock my headache had worsened. I decided to sleep it off, thinking I'd only be out maybe an hour or two.

When I woke up at 10:15, I was a little confused (but not as disoriented as I would have expected; it only took me a couple minutes to get my bearings/remember that I had gone to bed at 5). I ate some banana bread, grabbed a bottle of water, turned on the radio, and ended up going back to sleep probably around 11:30, and then woke up at 5:30 (which is actually kind of amazing, because I have been getting up later and later since December. This is the earliest I've gotten to school in a long time).

Needless to say, I apparently needed sleep. I still have a little headache though. . . it might be sinus/allergy related. I heard yesterday was a really bad day for allergies. I might take an antihistamine when I get home and do that for a couple weeks to see if it helps. Anyway, I'm going to get to this entry and Day 7 hopefully when I get home, but for now I'll post this so that you don't think I've disappeared.

(so, from here on is from Saturday/Sunday) (oh, and the dishes STILL aren't done as of right now; you'll understand in a bit)

I have been on my feet all day. Got up at 9 (which is always amazing- that's sleeping in for a teacher), cleaned the kitchen, went to the store, bought supplies, and started baking before 1. Finally, at 7, my last batches of bread are baking in the oven (grand total of everything=ridiculous. A batch of challah, 4 loaves of banana bread (2 w/nuts, 2 w/o), 4 batches of biscotti (2 orange cinnamon chocolate chip, 2 dried fruit and pistachio), a batch of cookies (but the recipe makes like. . . 5 dozen. It's ridiculous), and a pan of brownies.

Although I'm tired, I don't think I could have spend the better part of this Saturday in any better way :) Plus, it was rainy/dreary all day.

Now I just have to get to those dishes in the sink. . . I'll do this first.

EDIT: I was too tired last night. Dishes are still sitting and waiting to be done, and I didn't end up doing the entry. This is my plan; catch up and do a new entry today, and then I'm going to spend the next week with the study guide, so there won't be any "new" Lucado entries for about a week. Keep your eyes on when the "UNFINISHED" goes away; there will be additions to each post.

With that, off we go.

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"God's Promise Through the Two Crosses" . . . this is all about the free choice that God has given us. The story about Edwin Thomas and John Wilkes Booth was very interesting.

Day 5: "I Will Speak Your Language" - UNFINISHED

This week has been just sort of. . . eh. Nothing special, nothing horrible, and mostly me just feeling like I have a lot to do (so much so that I feel I really didn't get much accomplished at all. I always hate when that happens, but I know that I can't be operating at 150% all the time).

However, I did order some books Tuesday night, and one of them has already arrived. . . I'm looking forward into delving into those.

That being said, I should probably get to this chapter in "He Chose the Nails."

God's Promise Through the Sign. . . should be interesting.

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I gotta say, I love it when books make me laugh aloud. The chapter opens with a scene of younger Max, helping his wife "clean the house" by putting together a collage of photos that they had never unpacked. I realize that doesn't sound all that hilarious, but, well, you'll just have to read it for yourself.

The whole point of that (and the rest of the chapter) is that we have to get good at detecting the signs. God speaks to us through many different kinds of messages (rainbows, circumcision, stars, communion, baptism, etc.). But the original sign that spoke of Christ's position on earth?

"Jesus of Nazareth, the King of the Jews." It was written in Hebrew (language of religion), Latin (language of law and government), and Greek (language of culture). Pilate, when asked to change the phrase written above, would not. I always thought it was because there was a chance that he might have believed at least part of the divinity of Christ. Lucado (and others I'm sure) paints a different picture: "This is what becomes of a Jewish king; this is what the Romans do with him. The king of this nation is a slave; a crucified criminal; and if such be the king, what must the nation be whose king he is?"

Maybe I give too much benefit of the doubt.

Anyway, Lucado gleans two ideas from this whole scenario: God uses everyone to reach the world, from non-believers to the devoutest of souls. Second, God speaks to everyone differently and individually. He speaks to each one of us in a language that we understand, be it the "language of abundance", "vernacular of want", "language of need", "language of affliction", or otherwise. He knows what will reach us, and in my experience, He will hit you over the head until you get it! And even then it's still a choice. But it's all about awareness. How many signs are we missing daily? What simple things are really more than that? Let me relate one story before I go off to bed.

A couple months back (December 3rd, to be exact) I was coming home after a particularly long and not great day of teaching, and as I pulled into my parking place, I asked God for some kind of comfort. It was pretty vague, but what happened next was pretty cool. I'll just quote myself from my livejournal:

"I've had this weird feeling in my head all week: call it depression, call it stress, call it whatever, but it's been bugging me, since for the most part I am truly happy with where I'm at in life and things are going well. I knew that I will end up having a very long night tonight with both things to do for work and things to do for my personal life (both of which are equally important in my eyes) and I just felt emotionally exhausted. Upon arriving from the store (I had to get challah stuff; low on sugar and flour), I just shot a quick prayer out asking that God would comfort me in some way, either giving me encouragment or just pushing me to cry it out. As I walk up to my door, a cat from the house down the street just comes up to me, so I start petting it, and it keeps staying by me. I ended up setting my groceries down on the ground and sitting, and the cat came into my lap and purred. I probably stayed out there about 10 minutes or so. It was perfect: the small amount of physicality and warmth coupled with kitty purrs."

You could argue with me and say the cat was not placed there by God, but I like my take on the story much better. I hope that I can always be sensitive to whatever He wants to say or do for me (and at the same time not try and force my will upon His plans, because that never works).





This has nothing to do with the entry, but I had put a status from "You're A Good Man, Charlie Brown" on the Facebook, and rediscovered the videos of OTP's production from about 4 years ago (I was playing piano and a couple good friends made up the rest of the combo). Although my status was the "Book Report" song, I'm going to put up "Happiness," because it gives warm fuzzies. This show will always have a special place in my heart, first of all because it was done with OTP (Our Town Players, my second family back in the mitten), and second because it was a very close knit cast, and third because the young man who played Linus (the actor with the blanket), died in a car accident the fall after that production.

Anyway, I'm not going to open up that can of worms. I hope you enjoy.

Chapter 4: I Forgive You- UNFINISHED

I'm so easily distracted sometimes. . . and my mind is already on weekend mode, which is a bad sign. But I can't wait to have some time to bake and to get to the study questions for these entries.

Let's look at the gift within the nails.

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Powerful, powerful stuff in this chapter.

The whole idea behind this chapter is that Jesus literally nailed our lists of sins on the cross (since it kind of says that in the Bible). I liked (well. . . kind of. You'll see what I mean) the way it was described on Z Radio (might have been from Focus on the Family)- each time we sin, it is like we are taking the hammer and pounding the nail into Jesus hand (or arm? I don't really know much to make an educated comment other than it makes sense to me that they would nail in-between arm bones in the wrist rather than in the middle of the hand). Imagining that can be a helpful image when temptation comes around. The book is also pretty vivid in this description, enough that I cringed a little as I read it.

Looking past that though, what about its implications? Again, Jesus CHOSE to be nailed to the cross. His hand was in everything that happened that day, including in the act of being nailed. There are many images about the hand of God and what it did (part the Red Sea, cleansed the Temple, healed people, summoned the dead, etc). The nails didn't just physically hold him to those wooden beams; they destroyed that list of sins that He took from us.

But the line from this chapter that impacted me the most: "He knew the price of those sins was death. He knew the source of those sins was you, and since he couldn't bear the thought of eternity without you, he chose the nails" (emphasis mine).

Who is man that You should love him so?

Chapter 3: I Love You Enough to Become One of You- UNFINISHED

At this rate, I am NEVER going to get to any study guide questions. It might have to be a weekend project.

In more exciting news, I CANNOT WAIT for Homeland rehearsals to start!! On one hand, I wish someone would have told me earlier in life that singing is this much fun, but on the other hand, I know a lot of the enjoyment I get from singing is that I'm singing to and for God, and if I had started earlier (in high school or even college) I do not think I would have a pure of intent.

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This chapter is subtitled "God's Promise in the Crown of Thorns." And yet another reason I'm loving Max Lucado: This entire chapter talks about how "cool" Christ's coming to Earth is.

Cool is TOTALLY my word! I didn't invent it, nor did I make it up, but that's like. . . the word I use before speechlessness, usually in the form of "that's SO COOL!!!"

(at this point, I feel I should apologize, as it is past my bedtime, and I'm a little overenergized from choir rehearsal (see above), which means I'm blogging off the top of my brain)

Anyway, I'm going to list/discuss all the cool aspects this chapter talks about.

He swapped eternity for calendars. God has always been, and will always be. The first chapter of John (links to come. . . I need to get to bed!) talks about the Word (Jesus) existing and playing part in Creation, and then becoming flesh. But think about that: He, part of the holy Trinity that exists beyond our wildest imaginings, became HUMAN. For 33 years, His life was measured by a standard of 24 hours, of mealtimes, of physical travel times!

That is pretty cool, but what about this: He actually became flesh and bones. He wasn't everywhere at once! He was trapped! And "[n]ot once did Christ use his supernatural powers for personal comfort." I'm pretty sure if I had the ability to teleport myself somewhere, I would use it. Or the ability change the weather (random side note: I heard someone say something about "this crazy Florida weather," and that's when it dawned on me that individual states don't have crazy weather patterns: ALL WEATHER PATTERNS ARE CRAZY AND UNPREDICTABLE. Because people say the same thing in Michigan. Anyway). But He didn't.

There's something even cooler though. He also surrendered to sinlessness in order to take on our sins. This is where the thorns come in. Thorns were one of the original consequences of Adam and Eve's sin. There are a few other passages I'll put up tomorrow (Numbers, Proverbs, Matthew) that also talk about thorns in our sides. Those brambles that were woven into a "crown" are really the consequence of our sins.

As Pastor Dan would say, that's some powerful stuff.

HE was not guilty of ANYTHING, and yet He took from us the penalty that we DESERVE to have. He took on sin, fear, guilt, and loneliness (look at the prayer. . . that I'll link tomorrow. . .).

But there's something even cooler. SO cool, in fact.

He did it just for you.

Before your mom and dad were even being thought of, He was planning on your arrival. He gave you all your characteristics, attributes, abilities, and interests. And He wants you to be a part of His family, to serve, to fellowship, to worship, to reach others, to LOVE.

Are you a part of His family? If you are, do you act like it? If you find yourself feeling like a "black sheep," you need to stop and ask yourself, "What am I doing that is pushing me away from God?" because friend, I can tell you this much; if He took hold of your life at some point, then He has NEVER let go.

He wants ALL of us to be part of His family. And that is pretty cool.

Chapter 2: "I Will Bear Your Dark Side" - UNFINISHED

I need to write a letter! I should be able to get to that this week, I just have to remember. This blog apparently also functions as a post-it note.

I have woken up at 2:30 AM the past two nights. . . and I have no idea why. I wonder what tonight will have in store; I don't have any evening activities, so I should get to bed at a normal time (not that I haven't done that yesterday or Monday). I don't know. It's just very strange. I've also been having very vivid, strange, and sometimes lucid dreams. I wonder if I'm getting sick (there's been a small lump in my throat in the mornings, and a random cough. . . NOOOOOOOOO).

However, I think I prefer strange dreams to sleep paralysis. If you've experienced that, you know how terrifying it is.

Anywho, you don't want to read about my sleep patterns. Off to the first gift: God's promise in the soldiers' spit.

Also, I just discovered a study guide with questions! So I'm going to go back to last night's entry and do some (if not all) of them, and do them today and from here on out.

I love it when there's something to focus me :)

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This chapter uses Beauty and the Beast as an analogy (yay!). We, as human beings, are the beast. "Ugly. Defiant. Angry. We do things we know we shouldn't do and wonder why we did them." Hmm. . . sounds like Romans 7.

HAH! And reading futher into the story, he mentions that verse. I'm such a dork.

He mentions a story about being a beast when driving. I think most everyone is guilty of that from time to time, myself included. We leave later than we expect to get somewhere, and therefore drive like maniacs and get angry at OTHER PEOPLE for daring to drive appropriately on the roads we are taking. Two things that I keep in my mind when I'm tempted to be this way: It's better to be Benjamin "late" than it is to be "the late BenBeck" (because after all, 85% of the people at my funeral are probably going to refer to me as BenBeck. . . but I don't really want to blog about my funeral haha). The second thing: God gives us red lights to slow us down, not only on the road, but in life. To me, the answer "wait" to a prayer is a red light. When we rush through life, we miss so much.

Anyway, back to the book. The soldiers were supposed to scourge and crucify Him, but what they did inbetween was so much more awful (look here for the whole description). By spitting on Him, they were not attacking His physical body but his emotional state. "They felt big by making Christ look small." And guess what? When we belittle others through any action (I doubt anyone reading this has spit on another human, but I bet everyone reading this has spread gossip about someone before, and sin is sin is sin) we are doing it to Jesus (a parable/story we all know; verse 40 specifically has this idea). And why? Because we have a sinful nature living inside of us. Sure, we can do good, but NO ONE can never do bad. "There is no one righteous; no, not one." We must resist the idea of comparing ourselves to one another: Christ has to be our standard. And no one will ever be perfect in the way He is.

What can we do then? I could go into the whole Romans thing about not giving into sin to increase grace and all that, but instead I'll stick with the book. If the soldiers' spit represents the evil in our hearts, we have to look at what happened. Christ took that spit to the cross with him. He didn't wipe it off. Even in Isaiah it says that He doesn't turn from mockery and spitting. He took it with Him. And, unlike Beauty, He chose to become the Beast so that we, the true Beasts, could become Beautiful.



Wow.




(OK, study guide stuff when I get home. . .)

Chapter 1: You Did This for Me?- UNFINISHED

If you haven't gathered by today's title, I am finally starting up another series of entries based on a book! I needed to not add to my busy schedule last week, but now things are calming back down to a normal pace, and I've found that having something to focus my entries on helps me out a lot.

I still plan on finishing up the TFAES entries, but they'll have to wait a little while.

So, here we go. Max Lucado's He Chose the Nails.

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I've gotta be honest upfront; I've already read the first three or four chapters. BUT I've reread the first one today, and promise not to get ahead anymore. But I really enjoy Lucado's writing style. Warren (PDL) was more like teacher/student without being overly academic, while Lucado writes more like a good friend who has great information to share.

Anyway.

This first chapter is a basic introduction. It opens with this.

So so awesome. And I'm pretty sure I just read that passage recently (within the past week or so).

He talks about the crazy things that we go through when trying to get the perfect gift for a loved one. And how we do it again and again, each year, as those special days come up (anniversaries, birthdays, Christmas, etc.). He makes such a poignant point about how much God has given us. "We could exist on far less. He could have left the world flat and gray; we wouldn't have known the difference." Can you imagine a world without colors? Without sunsets? Without the wide variety of plant and animal life? Without MUSIC??? The wind in the trees, the babbling rivers, Bach, Brahms, and the Schenkerian inevitability of ii->V->I! God is SOOO good!

And, "[i]f we give gifts to show our love, how much more would He? If we- speckled with foibles and greed- love to give gifts, how much more does God, pure and perfect God, enjoy giving gifts to us?" I think everyone here knows how good it feels to give a gift, and if you've been lucky enough to give a simple gift that is appreciated in a way you never thought you would touch someone. . . well, anyway, I think that is the closest we can get to beginning to understand what God must feel. How awesome is He!! This book is all about the various gifts we were given through Christ's journey to the cross, not just his physical death (because after all, that was all that was necessary; He gave us so much more than that). Should be a very interesting journey :)

Last thing: one of my favorite songs ever, and it just came on the radio (and totally how I feel after thinking about this chapter). Don't know if I've posted it before, but if you aren't familiar with it, please take 4 minutes and listen:

Walking Worthily

I didn't really realize it until I actually thought about it, but since I was in high school, this has been my "life verse":

"That you may walk worthily of the Lord, fully pleasing Him, being fruitful in every good work, and increasing in the knowledge of God." -Colossians 1:10

The context around it is also very good stuff (here is the rest of Colossians 1: look especially at 9-14), but this verse in particular I have memorized, and it is something that always nudges me when God is trying to reach out to me.

You may have noticed one difference in the verse in quotes and the actual NKJV version. When I used to have consistently bad insomnia, I would end up staying awake until 1 and watching Pastor Melissa Scott. The reason I really liked her sermons is because everything she did was about the original language of the Bible, and how things have been either mistranslated or structured in a way that inhibits the original intent of the language. Although there isn't a video of the time she did this verse from Colossians, I will never forget it. She made a point that we can NEVER walk "worthy" of the Lord, for He is the only one who is perfect, and all praise goes to Him. However, if we walk "worthily" of the Lord, that means that the way that we are living our lives shows the goodness, mercy, and grace of God working (guess what) through and in spite of us.

I don't really know how long ago I saw that (I would guess 2-3 years, maybe more) but I have always kept it in my head and in my heart.

Anyway, the reason I bring all this up is because lately I've been struggling with the whole willing spirit vs. weak flesh (passage in Matthew). I sometimes get down on myself because I'm not perfect, and I don't just mean that in the "I have to be a perfectionist because I'm a musician" way. Let me throw in an aside (because after all, I am usually so focused when I write. . .) and say that I'm pretty sure I think differently than most people. Like. . . my primary way of thinking inside my head is through conversation with a specific person. If I want to think through something musical, maybe I imagine Dr. Schrock or Dr. Zegree, or if I want to think educationally, I think a conversation through with Dr. Lychner. Sometimes I make up words that they are saying in their voice, and other times I just pretend that they are listening as I am trying to work through something, but generally it's to a very specific person (rarely groups) that I think. And sometimes, yes, I think to myself (as in, "me" talking to "me") but that too is uncommon. If you do this, then you understand, but most people that I've talked to usually give me a strange look when I try to explain the concept. So, in doing this, I often take a "3rd-person perspective" in my thought life, imagining myself with said person in some location (usually a place that makes sense, like their office, a practice room, etc.).

Yes, I am aware that I am a strange person.

But going back to my point: whenever I take that third-person perspective thinking about me to me (. . . hopefully you followed that), it really just breaks my heart when I see myself making choices that I know I shouldn't. I won't indulge in revealing all the errors of my personal life, but it doesn't matter because sin is sin. I'll come back to this idea in a little bit. Anyway, this passage finally made sense to me in the past three weeks or so. I love what my LASB has to say (I'm going to paraphrase a bit): Paul shares three lessons that he learned in trying to deal with his sinful desires: it's not just about knowing the rules (knowing what to do and doing it ARE NOT THE SAME THING!!!), self-determination does not succeed, and becoming a Christian doesn't get rid of all sin and temptation. Being born again takes only a moment, but becoming Christ-like is a lifelong process. Christian growth is like a race or fight. NO ONE in the world is innocent and deserves to be saved; we cannot earn it by our good behavior. We must never underestimate the power of sin; we all feel the desperate experience of struggling with sin and trying to please God without the Spirit's help. We must never attempt to fight it by ourselves. Instead of trying to overcome sin with human willpower, we must take hold of the tremendous power of the Holy Spirit.

So one thing I have to realize is that I am an imperfect human, and although I may want to be perfect, alone I will never be able to do it. But how then do we deal with our imperfection? I am drawn to look to King David and his interaction with Bathsheba. After all, James says that those who are friends of the world are enemies to God, calling them "adulterous" (see here). So, by sinning, we too become adulterers (sin is sin is sin).

The whole story of David and Bathsheba is here, but in a nutshell, David sees Bathsheba, decides to sleep with her, sends her husband to the front lines to die, and takes her as wife (the process is a little more involved: he abandons his purpose (not going to war), focuses on his desires, looks into temptation, sins deliberately, covers up his sin through deception, and murders to continue to cover up the problem. How even the mighty can fall!). Nathan confronts him ("You are the man!" haha. . . long story), predicts murder, rebellion, and defiling of his wives in his future, as well as the death of the first song Bathsheba conceived.

What does David do? He confesses his sins, petitions to God, and after his son's death, worships the Lord. It is important to note that his sin, although forgiven, does not go unpunished (his son dies!!), but he is also given a new start (Solomon). We are not to dwell on the mistakes of the past, although we should learn from them. He (apparently) wrote Psalm 32 and Psalm 51 at this point in his life.


Hopefully I haven't lost you. This is my point from all of this: I will never be perfect. While this is not an excuse to be content with life and not bother with trying to become more like Christ, I also have to realize that God forgives sins, and I can move past the things which cause me to stumble and fall. Being able to find peace with being an imperfect human still lies in the set-up of Philippians 4: rejoice always, for God has forgiven us! Be gentle. Do not worry, but pray and petition with thanksgiving (David worshipped the Lord after his son died. . . and people certainly gave him a funny look). If we focus on things above, and reflect and, more importantly, put into practice the things we learn about God, we can find true peace.

I'm not there yet, but I know that I want to walk worthily of the Lord who has given me so much, to please Him through my life choices, to allow Him to do a great work through me that will bear fruit, and to know Him better and better each day.

Did I mention I'm exhausted?

And tomorrow I have a full, full day. Get to school, put out fires, grade papers, teach two classes, go to Pierson Elementary to talk to the last crop of 5th graders, back to teach another two classes, off to McInnis for two periods of 5th grade, then back to Taylor for after school band.

No complaints here, because I'm so happy I am able to visit my potential 6th grade band members. But I will be dead tired tomorrow afternoon.

Moral of the story: probably no significant update until Saturday sometime.

God is still good, though! And next week is much less busy (I think. . . I can't even get my mind past 4 PM tomorrow right now, and I don't need to).

Busy busy busy!

I still have an unfinished entry about "relationships" here, plus two more in my head that are buzzing to get out. Unforunately, I keep getting home at late times (like 9 and 10 at night), so they'll have to wait.

But, I won't leave you with just that. Although I'm going to copy it verbatim, here's something for you to think about tonight:

"Has it ever occurred to you that one hundred pianos all tuned to the same fork are automatically tuned to each other? They are of one accord by being tuned, not to each other, but to another standard to which each one must individually bow. So one hundred worshippers meeting together, each one looking away to Christ, are in heart nearer to each other than they could possibly be were they to become 'unity' conscious and turn their eyes away from God to strive for closer fellowship. Social religion is perfected when private religion is purified."

A fantastic concept (and not just because it uses pianos for the analogy :-p), and a challenging one. I would reflect more but I'm wiped out.

Thoughts from an evening service, part 1- Peace

Seems like an appropriate topic, no? I'm going to reflect on today's message as well as the Nehemiah one from a couple weeks ago (no show on the 31st yet. . . I went to the website, saw it was up, got REAL excited, then played it to find it was only a 12 second clip. Talk about a cliffhanger!)

However, I have lunch plans now (apparently) so it won't be until later.

Go read this and think about it until I get back: what love is

LATER: Well, lunch plans turned into a trip to IKEA (not for me: no new furniture for this bachelor pad. . . c'mon, I took a stool out of the garbage, who do you think I am? haha), Lowe's, and dinner. The plus side is that now my salsa, spinach/artichoke dip, and fruit salad are mostly gone. I didn't think I would be out this late though. . . still, I want to post a few things, even if I have to come back tomorrow to finish it up.

First off, a few things from a couple weeks ago. We finally got to the completion of the wall in Nehemiah (the passage is here). The interesting part to me was that it wasn't about building the wall, but rather that other nations saw the hand of God in the process. A few quotes/paraphrases/thoughts I jotted down (in pencil!! which smears. . . poor choice):
-People should look at us and say, "I know him/her, so that's GOT to be God."
-Our imperfections prove that God is in our lives through His successes.
-When we chase after our vision, we silence opposition.
-Are we chasing after God's glorification on Earth?
Finally, there were four things mentioned that people out to see in our lives that show we have God in our lives:
1) peace
2) relationships
3) character
4) love
This is what I have been thinking about for the past couple weeks. What do other people see in my life? What have I been working on that I need to continue to do so, and what haven't I started fixing that I need to? Let's break it down.

Peace- First, here is dictionary.com's definition. I think it's interesting that the first few entries are about peace as in the opposite of war. It's not until 5/6 that we start to get into peace as in peace of mind. Most people, if not thinking about world peace and harmony, think that peace comes only from happy times (when things are going well) or with vacation times (although for some people, vacations are more of a hassle than anything else). What is it that gives peace? Some people might say music, others surroundings/environments, still others find peace through talking to or being around a particular person or group of people.

Let's compare this to some Bible verses about peace (there's quite a few, and it's not nearly all of them; just ones I found interesting). Obviously there are many OT references to peace (not-war type). And there's also this phrase that comes up a lot in the NT: "Peace be with you." Jesus says it to the disciples after the ressurection, and quite a few of the various letters begin or end with something about peace. Romans tells us that peace comes because of our justification through faith. Jesus listed peacemakers as a beatitude in the Sermon on the Mount. Pslam 85 says two important things: God promises peace to His followers (which is then followed by a plea from the Psalmist to keep the Israelites from their follies) and peace, which is directly related to righteousness, comes from above to Earth (while faithfulness comes up from Earth). Proverbs tells us that all paths of wisdom are peace (which, I'm not going to get into a discussion of wisdom). It also says that a heart of peace is not a heart of envy. Isaiah and John both tell us that peace will not leave us, and there's no reason to be afraid. We'll come back to Phillipians (not because I have my own specific insight about it, but if I remember correctly, Pastor Dan talked about this passage at the first Wed. Night prayer meeting that I attended WAY back in the fall that he just happened to be filling in for) (two prepositions. . . get used to it). Ephesians tells us to keep peace with the Body of Christ. And, of course, peace is a fruit of the Spirit.

So, from all of that, I gather the following points:
-True peace comes only from God, and comes only when we accept Christ into our lives.
-Seeking after God is one way in which we can find peace.
-We are called not only to seek for peace in our lives, but to also seek peaceful relations with others.
Phillipians offers something even more interesting (again, not originally from my mind). It says first that we should rejoice ALWAYS. It does not say that we should be happy WITH our circumstances, but that we should be happy IN our circumstances. My LASB says it well: "Our inner attitudes do not have to reflect our outer circumstances." It's a matter of perspective. God is in control; bad circumstances are meant to teach us something or strengthen something that has already been put inside of us. We should be so happy that God wants US to become more like HIM. He didn't spare His own Son difficult situations, even to the point of death! Also, rejoicing does not mean "smiling like an idiot and pretending everything is fine."
Second, our "gentleness should be evident to all." Sometimes we forget that all human beings were created in God's image, not just the people we like or want to interact with. Think about that the next time you become angry with someone, especially those who are paid to be servers (waiters, cashiers, etc). This is not to say there aren't times to become angry, but I think that you should only be angry with the sin, circumstance, or situation, and through all of that still love the PERSON. If they do not know Christ, this all the more reason to love them through whatever is going on.
Third, we should not worry, but instead pray. And we should pray with thanksgiving (just a reminder; like "wisdom," today is not the day to open the can of worms about "prayer") (and I'm still not a theologian)! And there's another part; we should pray about EVERYTHING. This to me is just a statement of being aware of God in our entire lives and not just when we go to church. If we are in constant conversation with Him, how can we not be seeking to do things that please Him?
And, finally, when these three lines are in point, we will receive the peace of God. The peace which trascends all understanding. . . sounds wonderful, doesn't it? So, if we don't have peace in our lives, what are we doing to get it? Are we just asking God for it without taking any steps to make it happen? Maybe we need to be rejoicing, gentle, and praying thankfully and constantly. Because think about it: if we are recognizing that God is strengthening us, we are not creating conflicts with others, and we are aware and thankful for His presence in our lives, what could give us more peace of mind than that?

So now I ask myself: what do I not feel peace about? The most obvious answer is my job. Sometimes things feel great. But days like last Friday wear on me. Why? Well, I can tell you that I wasn't rejoicing that there were only 5 students after school, and 3 of them left before 3:30. I wasn't happy with one of my student's attitude, and while I don't think I handled her inappropriately, I definitely could have been gentler. And I certainly wasn't trusting that God will do a great work through me (and in spite of me), nor was I really talking to Him about it. The challenge for me, then, is three-fold: I have to always find joy in my job, no matter what's going on; I need to interact with my students, parents, and administration with gentleness (probably the easiest, but again, this must be no matter what the circumstances); I must pray first out of thankfulness for the job and all the great things that came from it, and ask that God will use me, my talents, and my passions to make something great out of what often seems like an impossible task.



. . . this is becoming a bigger task than I originally thought it would. I'm gonna separate out the next three ideas, just for ease of reading. Expect part 2 to come up in a few hours.

A Little Night Music

No, this post is not about Sondheim's show. Sorry if you got excited (I would love to have my hands on the piano book for that show, though. . .). But I couldn't resist posting. I think I've truly developed a habit (I feel like "they" say it takes 21 days. . . so yeah). I don't think it's a bad thing though.

Teaching went well today until HS band. It was alright, but I still feel like I don't know exactly how to teach them anything. It's such a weird situation, but I feel like I'm doing my best. My after school program has been going downhill, and I'm not exactly sure why, other than the inherent (I say that word a lot) problems of having an after school program that only runs two days a week and contains 90% middle schoolers (meaning they can't drive themselves). Today was one of those days where I was my own biggest enemy. I have to fight so hard to keep focused on the vision rather than getting bogged down by the state of ruin that surrounds me there. It still blows my mind that there is NO music program there. It's one thing to build up a program that's low quality; it's something completely different to start from the ground up. I don't think it's any more or less work, but it's very different than what I was originally anticipating to do. It makes me feel so adult when I think about it (what 21 year old has an 8-year plan unless he or she is going to medical school??). But anyway, my point was that that was getting me down today on my way home from school.

Also, I am SO EXCITED for this three day weekend. I need some time to be a slug and meditate.

. . . actually, I don't know that slugs meditate.

ANYWAY.

This evening I attended our church's Valentine's Banquet and played a short piano duet with Ginny (AMAZING amazing amazing musician, pianist, organist and a fantastic person. . . I was so happy to be able to work with her, even on something simple) as part of the entertainment. I have never really understood the concept of a "church family" being like a real family, but in the, what, 5 1/2 months I've been at SBC, I finally get it. I LOVE spending time with people at my church, whether it is at worship services, random concerts/events, meal times, or encounters at Wal-Mart (which happen more often than not, actually. . . I don't think DeLand is as big as I imagined it would be when I was first moving down here. . . but still, it's bigger than South Haven). I feel like I am accepted and cared about, and (get this) I find myself caring about the people there. I am an emotional person, but I'm also very guarded, so the fact that I am open with people who are essentially strangers (not everyone: my SS class, the staff and their families, and choir people I have gotten to know somewhat at this point) is a big step. God has definitely been working on my heart, whether or not I have realized it.

Anyway, my point is that I feel much better than I did a few hours ago.

I need to get to bed so that I can get up early-ish and do laundry and listen to the Nehemiah message from the 31st (can you guess what I might write about tomorrow?).

Day 40: Living with Purpose

I finished the 4th week review. It's here (if you're too lazy to scroll down the page haha).

And speaking of finishing. . . TODAY IS THE LAST DAY!! Wow. I know that this book's impact on my life will go far beyond the past 40 days. I didn't mention it at the beginning, but I was adamant with myself that I would commit 40 days, no matter the cost. 40 days shows up all over the place in the Bible- Noah, Moses (Mt. Sinai), David and Goliath (Goliath gave a 40 day challenge), Elijah, Nineveh, and even Jesus went through 40 days that changed life forever (PS not my idea; the book mentions all that in the introduction, but that was all the more reason to do it this way).

So here we are: Day 40!

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I don't know that there's a lot to discuss/reflect on this chapter, because it's basically a summation and a sending off of the whole experience. Either way, there is some good stuff. It challenges us to come up with a "Life Purpose Statement," which does the following:
-Summarizes God's purposes for your life
-Points the direction of your life
-Defines "success" for you
-Clarifies your roles
-Expresses your shape (or SHAPE)

Basically, it's our committment to God, and what it means specifically for our life situation. It also gives five questions to consider as we go to prepare this statement.

First, we have to think about what will be the center of our lives? This is the issue of worship. What are we building our whole lives around? Is it money, our family, our career, partying? None of those things are stable. You know what? They all involve a human element. There are great people on earth, but none of them are perfect. None of them come through with everything 100% of the time. And when God is in the center, our lives have peace, even if we can't make sense of it. The Bible says so .

Second, we must ask what the character of our lives will be. Also know as discipleship, we have to decide who we are going to be. As mentioned many times, it DOES NOT MATTER WHAT YOU DO, as long as (it doesn't go against His will and) you are doing it for God. There are many different lists of character qualities in the Bible, but the one that comes to my mind is this one. And remember, character is what we do when no one is watching AND when everyone is watching.

Third, what is the contribution of our lives? What service/ministry are we giving to edify the Body of Christ? We can't meet everyone's needs, but everyone meets somebody's needs. Related is the question of our life's communication. How are we sharing our testimony with non-believers? Are we accomplishing our mission not just in our community, but in the world?

Finally, what community will be present in our lives? Who are we considering family, and are we treating them as such? Do we spend time with other believers, or are we too busy riding a high horse? Do we share, grow, and encourage other parts of the Body?

And of course, all of these questions are interconnected.

The last thing it says is to make a shorter statement that we can remember and is inspiring (essentially an abstract of the Life Purpose Statement). So without further ado, here goes mine (for now- it will change when I have more time and think a little more deeply I'm sure):

My purpose is to love the Lord my God with all my heart, soul, strength, and mind; to love all others as I love myself; to be more like Christ each day and do everything to the best of my abilities; to serve my brothers and sisters; and to reach out to those who are not my brothers and sisters in hopes that they too will choose to be part of the everlasting family of Christ.

Point to Ponder: Living with Purpose is the only way to really live.
I'm finding this out, little by little, and man is it exciting!

Verse to Remember: Acts 13:36- "For David. . . served the purpose of God in his own generation." New American Standard
Whenever I feel like I can't be good enough to be used by God, I remember David.

Question to Consider: When will I take the time to write down my answers to life's five great questions? When will I put my purpose on paper?
I'm going to spend some time this weekend doing that, but I don't know that I have a specific timeline in mind. . . because that is pretty much what I've been thinking about the past couple months. I'm sure I'll synthesize at least a first draft before the next school year. I don't know about putting it on paper, but it'll definitely go into a digital form.



. . . so. . . what's next? Well, I'm going to take a couple days off (actually blogging every night has been enjoyable, but at the same time I have a lot of other things to think about and do). I'll do some kind up wrap-up about PDL this weekend, and then onto the next book: He Chose the Nails.

If you haven't read this book, I strongly encourage that you do, whether you are a non-believer, on the edge, new to the faith, or an old-timer. If you live in or near DeLand, I'll be glad to lend you my book. I guarentee it will challenge you.

Day 39: Balancing Your Life

A few months ago, I would have been none too happy to be getting home after 9 PM, and only having had an hour and a half at home between school and other activities.

Tonight, I couldn't be more excited about what I did with the past few hours of my life.

Time is such a precious, precious thing. I've been thinking a lot about what I spend my time doing, and realizing that "sacrificing" time that I would end up spending doing something unproductive or, worse, wrong, to go do something worthwhile isn't really much of a sacrifice, especially not on the eternal scale.

Also, when I go up to MI this summer, I don't know how long I'm going to stay. . . it's gone from a month to three weeks to two weeks, and now I'm considering a little over a week. . . I need to pray about it (and ultimately talk it over with my parents; I would love for them to come down and spend time with me here in FL, see the people I've met here at SBC, so that way I wouldn't have to have a prolonged stay in MI, and they could drive down and I could transport more stuff down here. . . everybody wins!). On the one side, God is doing some amazing things for me down here, and I don't want to miss out on anything, but on the other side, there are plenty of people up in the mitten that would love to hear my stories, and maybe some opportunities for God to plant some seeds could occur (and therefore a bigger window of time means more opportunities). . . I just don't know. Pray for me that I might be open-minded and make the decision that follows God's will.

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This is a neat idea: the Great Commandment and the Great Commission sum up the purposes of our lives (that is, worship, ministry, evangelism, fellowship, and discipleship). This chapter talks about four different ways we can balance those things.

First, we can talk it through with a partner/small group. Talking with others always provides varied real-life examples that we do not experience ourselves. That's one really neat thing about my Sunday School class; we are all young professionals with very different personalities, backgrounds, and jobs, and we often end up with some very thought-provoking discussions. We are all aware of the hand of God in each of our lives, and sharing the things that He does for us and through us is an encouragement in itself. I take just as much life application from SS as I do from morning and evening services, and you've read what I take in from Pastor Dan, so that says a lot about both him and the SS crew, but mostly glorifies the fact that He knows how to effectively use those servants that have opened their minds to Him. And I'm so thankful God brought me to be a part of such a group of people.

Second, we should do a regular spiritual self check-up. We don't see progress if we don't bother measuring it, and we don't know what needs to be fixed if we never look at what's going on. I don't remember when and what message it came from (probably a Nehemiah message) but sometimes it's easy to just get a little off track. However, over time, that slight change in direction suddenly takes us quite far from the place we were aiming for orignally. Regularly reviewing where we're at and where we are going (and HOW we are getting there) will help us avoid that situation. Plus, if we see progress, that's always encouraging, and if we don't, we know where we need to challenge ourselves. I plan on doing this once I've finished with the book (and with the long weekend, I can take a lot of time and reflect on everything thoroughly).

Third, we can write down our progress in a journal. I thought about it, and that's basically what you're reading. I don't reveal everything in here, but I've only just begun using it, and really going back and reading entries remind me of things that have happened and serve as reference points to things I have learned. I just have to balance complete honesty with appropriate content (I don't really know that there is anything going on in my life that is particularly inappropriate though, so I don't know exactly what I mean about that). But, as the book says, sometimes writing helps us clarify thoughts. For me, I feel like I ramble, but at least I get my thoughts out. Later I can read them and go, "Oh, that's what I meant. Why didn't I say it that way and save myself 50 words?"

The last thing is to pass our knowledge to others. This blog serves that purpose to an extent, but I can't pretend that if I just continue doing this, I'll be sharing effectively with all the people in my life. I am enjoying it, and even if people aren't reading it now, it's something that I can point out when the opportunity arises. And again, how can we NOT want to share Jesus with EVERYONE? Sometimes (usually after choir rehearsal, like tonight), I just want to stop random people and tell them about how desperately they need Jesus in their lives. I don't do it because a) it would probably not be effective, b) that is WAY outside my personality and comfort zone, and c) I'm driving in my car on the way home. But I feel so empowered! And I guess it's not that I don't or can't feel that way after other things, but for me, music is such a poignant and deeply emotional thing that I have a lot of residual energy afterwards. Either way, evangelizing is something I've been thinking about too.

In the end, our lives should be about us being about God's work. For if we open our minds and lives to Him, then He will do great things through us.

Point to Ponder: Blessed are the balanced.
As long as they aren't balancing upside down pyramids. . . but I don't feel like that. In fact, for some parts of my life, I have mental clarity I thought I would never obtain. . . let's work on getting that to 100%.

Verse to Remember: Ephesians 5:15 - "Live life with a due sense of responsibility, not as those who do not know the meaning of life but as those who do." J. B. Phillips Modern Translation of the New Testament (or something like that)
WE KNOW. Knowledge truly is power; the power to impact the world for Christ! What else could we want to do with such valuable information?

Question to Consider: Which of the four activities will I begin in order to stay on track and balance God's give purposes for my life?
As I already said, in the next few days I'm going to do a personal spiritual check-up. Hopefully this becomes something I do regularly, but how often is the question. . . once a month? Once a quarter? Once a year? Or maybe just when I think I need to make sure I'm on track. . . we'll see.

Day 38: Becoming a World-Class Christian

Three things.

(Man. . . I am conversationally anal-retentive. . . thank you Sports Night)

First, I HATE mornings. I don't know what to do to fix this. Even in college, on the mornings before Practicum or a fun filled Saturday of Broncoband, getting out of bed is the single hardest activity I do in the first hour of my day. I get to school (or wherever) and I'm so happy to be there, but taking the initiative to get out of bed. . . 94% of the time I hit the snooze or wait for the last alarm (or just lay around) before I finally force myself out of bed. Whether I got a lot of sleep, not enough sleep, or just enough sleep, I still am very averse to leaving my warm bed and actually starting my day. Any suggestions (other than not waking up at 5:30, which if I want to get a shower (and this is important, because it wakes me up and more importantly is part of my routine), I have to)? I know the issue isn't routine, because I've tried night showers, and that just makes me want to stay in bed even longer because I know I don't have to take a shower. This morning, I did not want to do anything but go to sleep, but this day of teaching is going really well; why can't I remember that when my alarm goes off?? Also, I need to figure out how to do more lessons that make the students work rather than them just listen to me talk (those can sometimes be good lessons, but I know other times it's very boring for them, but I don't have a textbook and whenever I make worksheets, they are poor quality because I don't like making them, so there's no sense trying that route again). And we have a pep rally this afternoon, and while it'll be cheesy and short, I'm excited to get the drums back out and have my students feel more successful than they have in the past couple months. Differentiated instruction does not work very well in music class, at least when it comes to actually reading music. The project we're working on now is working, but I'm literally going around the room and helping them individually. Hopefully soon we will be able to rehearse it as an ensemble (and then I have to write out more music). At least they are willing to try the things I'm asking them to do, and when they start to put it together, I think they'll like it.

EDIT: Strike an earlier comment; I'm having a GREAT day of teaching! Just what I needed. Thank you, Lord.

Second, I discovered something about myself. I don't have a problem with talking (which, if you read this blog, you see how easily I ramble on and on. . . and on. . .) UNLESS it's about myself. I'll talk about music, or art, or sports (well, tennis at least), or books, or my job (which is almost about me, but not really; I want to make a program at Taylor, but it will (well, it BETTER) outlast my tenure there; that's my goal at least), but if you want to know what's really going on inside my head, well, you'll need a crowbar and a lot of patience. Like the not-wanting-to-get-out-of-bed thing, I need to work on this.

Third, I can't believe that I'll be reading the last chapter of PDL on Thursday! I'll probably take a little time off to reflect on the whole experience, and then start a new book project (I think I already mentioned this- Max Lucado's "He Chose the Nails"). I like this whole reading/reflecting thing. I'm thinking next year I'll go through the Bible and use that as my blog-reflection, but I want to get through it all once on my own before I start that. Plus, I'm somewhat OCD and starting it in January will satisfy that aspect of my personality.

I feel like I can go conquer the world right now. Such a great feeling!

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Am I a "me-first" believer? How often do I come to church, thinking "What can I get out of the service today?" Am I trying to make a difference for Christ in the world? Or am I just trying to get the best for my life? Am I willing to go where He wants me to?

To get out of the "Worldly Christian" mindset, we have to change how we think. First, we shift from self-centered thinking to other-centered thinking. This isn't the first time this idea has come up. "Children think only of themselves; grown-ups think of others." I realize that I have a long way to go, but I don't want to be a spiritual child much longer. Unfortunately I'm still toddling around and falling over, but each time, I get a little better at walking. The tempering process works only with extreme heat and hammering (oooh. . . I like that analogy, especially if the fire is the Holy Spirit and God is the blacksmith). Anyway, I digress. We should see every encounter with another person, especially non-believers, as an opportunity to be used by God to further His will, rather than thinking about what we will get out of the interaction.

Second, we have to shift from local to global thinking. There are some really easy ways to do this: PRAY!! So simple, but so easy to forget about. People are defenseless against our prayers. . . how powerful is that statement? Also, when we hear international news, we should think about what God must be trying to accomplish. Of course, actually going and being a missionary, for however long, will give us a huge change in perspective. I really really hope the Haiti thing in the fall works out in my schedule.

Third, we need to start thinking eternally. Again, not a new idea, but think about how much stuff we waste time with that we could be spending doing something for our global mission? Take that five minutes you waste on the internet while "checking e-mails" and instead pray for a specific missionary. So simple, but we have to be aware and think about it. Too often we get caught up in the everday, unimportant things, and God gets shoved to the backburner. Who am I to say "Not tonight, God, I'm too busy"?? (Who are YOU to deny the armies of the living God?? Oh GVG, how I miss thee. . .) We're changing that tonight.

Finally, we have to stop making excuses not to go. Age, experience, ability set, it doesn't matter; there are tons of different things we can do, and something fits each person's timeline and skill set. If we are waiting for God to tell us "Go do this," we are missing the point (and not reading the Bible; remember the five commissions from yesterday). Maybe we just have not been told because we have not asked?

Point to Ponder: The Great Commission is my commission.
I honestly can't say that I've ever really thought about it that much. . . at least, not at the global level that this chapter talks about.

Verse to Remember: Psalm 67:2- "Send us around the world with the news of your saving power and your eternal plan for all mankind." Living Bible
The most interesting thing to me here is that this is from the OT, and Psalms no less! The entire Psalm is worth the read; it's not very long.

Question to Consider: What steps can I take to prepare to go on a short-term missions experience in the next year?
Well, our church is planning a "short trip to Haiti in the fall." That's all the details I have so far. . . I'm hoping it works out to be before school starts in, or at least just an extended weekend that doesn't conflict with a football game. If God wants me to go, He will work out the dates in my favor; I can't really do much more than pray about it.

FCM "psalm"

I don't know why, but I feel like posting this. Whenever I think about it (I wrote it over a year ago) I pray that the attitude expressed here will be my attitude, no matter what happiness or craziness is going on in my life.



Lord, your greatness surprises me still
And I find you where I least expect to.
Though I falter, and stumble, and ignore you
You are consistent, and You have integrity.

Who can describe
The Greatness and the Majesty of You, Lord?
I would not even begin to try.

The things I can do through You and because of You
I know I cannot do alone.
And in poignant lonliness, I know now
That I have the hand of God on my shoulder
and the Spirit of the Lord in my heart, forever.

I ask for strength, and courage,
A simple tongue and an open heart,
so that I can be
A light for you and of you in this dark world.

I offer my music, my life to be used by you.
Direct me where you want me to be.
It's not about me, Lord, but You.

Day 37: Sharing Your Life Message

"Thoughts from the evening service" to come soon. Very challenging stuff, and I want to reflect on it, but I want to be undistracted when I do.

I love spending time with people, and doing things like accompanying, but I am still an introvert at heart, and I need some alone time. I haven't had a lot of that in the past couple weeks (pretty much whenever I've had a chance to blog has been my only time for thinking/reflection/not doing much, and that's only been a couple hours at most each day). I get next Monday off, and I don't think I have activities planned for this weekend (I have a Friday night "gig" at my church (Ginny, the organist, and I are going to play a short duet at the church Valentine's dinner. . .should be a blast!), but nothing pops into my head for Saturday or Sunday, at least). I need some time to just chill, sit around, watch a movie, play Wii, just do something that doesn't involve a lot of mental or emotional work. Even cooking Saturday evening was a nice "getaway", but I started the process later than I had intended and it took me into the far reaches of the night (well, for a teacher- 11 PM).

But even when things feel impossible, if we take that step of faith, God gives us the strength.

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God may speak to us through the Bible, but He also speaks to the world through us as believers. Our "Life Message" has four parts. First is our testimony. Most of the time this is our "salvation story," but it is not limited to that. We should be able to describe what life was like before Jesus, how we realized we needed Him, how we committed to Him, and the difference it has made. For me, those first two points are not nearly as interesting as the second two. I came to know Christ at a young age, and I am so thankful for that, because it colored everything that happened in my life (I guess that would be the Holy Spirit).
Also, it's important to remember that witnessing is not arguing a point; it is simply reporting what has happened to us, and letting the listener decide about the veracity of our statements. God will be the attorney (and the judge, and the jury); we are just witnesses.

Second is the life lessons we've learned. What is most of the Bible except for a bunch of lives and the lessons that we should learn from them? Of course, not every single situation is covered in detail in the Bible, and with changing times and cultures, some things seem abstract to us. We as Christians have fresh, relevant life lessons that we can share with non-believers who are experiencing the same thing right at that moment. What an opportunity to be used by God! From failure to depression to pride to family issues to illness, every Christian has different and unique life experiences, and it's likely that someone else they know may be going through that. Once again, I must ask: how can we hide our problems, even if they are unresolved, if we know THE solution?

Third is sharing our Godly passions. Whether it's passion for a people, a problem, a purpose, or a principle, God uses passionate people to do His work. And, since we can't be passionate about everything, He needs each of us to purse the thing(s) we are passionate about. This may seem strange, but I am passionate about college age students (especially those just entering). But. . . I just graduated. . . . . . yeah, I know, and that's why I care; I wish there had been someone who would have intervened more directly in my life during college, because with great freedom comes important decision making opportunities (or maybe "With great power comes great responsibility"?). I had Christian friends and "Christian" friends and non-believer friends, but ultimately I had very little true fellowship. Fusion was a Godsend, but even with that, I wasn't able to commit, and I still didn't "get it" quite yet. God finally hit me over the head, moved me halfway across the country, and said "STOP SEEKING AFTER THE WORLD AND FOLLOW ME." So I did. But He didn't say that directly; it has been a process. If someone would have shown me that a few years ago, how different life would have been! But on the other side, it wasn't God's plan. Who's to say that I couldn't be a mentor though? I really like the idea of someone specifically watching out for my well-being, and I also like to play the role of mentor. I think that's also part of the reason I love teaching. Especially being a music teacher, I get to develop relationships with students that many other teachers don't, and I can have a significant impact on their lives (which is both exciting and scary).

Finally, the last (and seemingly obvious) part is the Good News. We shouldn't just be saying that we are changed; we have to explain why. The story is incredible, and the love unfathomable: that God, the Creator of the universe and all that is in it, from the stars to the ocean, from animals to the smallest of plants, sent His Son in human form so that He could die for OUR sins. He did absolutely NOTHING wrong in His life, and yet He paid the ultimate price because of our imperfections and desire for power (because essentially, every sin has to do with us gaining power of some kind- think about it). But, because He was perfect, He did not just die, but rose again, and asks us to follow Him! How can anyone say no to that offer? How can anyone say, "Thanks for giving me life, Lord, I'm going to go do what I feel like, and maybe someday I'll think about what you've done for me. Maybe." I do not deserve to go to Heaven. I do not deserve to be able to talk to God, and I definitely don't deserve the wholly unconditional love I receive. I mess up a lot, and I will never be perfect. I do not have the ability to make my own way to Heaven. But I don't have to! Jesus paid my way, and I have accepted it. Only He is worthy of praise! I don't understand it, and I am overwhelmed by trying to understand it. But I know that He is the only thing I need in my life, and I will chase Him with everything I have (even when things are tough. . . I'm still working on getting it right, and I feel like that's going to be a lifelong pursuit).

I serve a risen Savior, and there is no greater thing in my life than that.

Point to Ponder: God wants to say something to the world through me.
Once again, it's ultimately not about us. We just get to be vessels. We actually have a use! (more than one, in fact)

Verse to Remember: 1 Peter 3:15b-16 - "Be ready at all times to answer anyone who asks you to explain the hope you have in you, but do it with gentleness and respect." Today's English Version
Two important things: we are supposed to answer and defend our beliefs, BUT we need to be gentle and respectful. There are too many people out there getting into the face of non-believers, telling them that they are wrong about life and therefor are going to "burn in Hell." Instead of badgering people, why don't you offer your story to everyone passing? Wear a sandwich board that says "I am not perfect, but Jesus is." Then pass out a pamphlet of your personal testimony. Or yell it through a loudspeaker, if that's your thing. But please stop harrassing non-believers; it just makes our mission tougher.

Question to Consider: As I reflect on my personal story, who does God wnat me to share it with?
I can think of a couple specific people that I have been talking with in the past few months. . . and I have to realize that I still may not have "the answer" but I certainly have "The Answer." And that's what matters way more than anything else I can share.

Week 4 In Review

I'm hoping to tackle this today, not that I have lots of free time on Wednesday, and it's not early release, but I want to do this before I read the last entry in the book.

. . . and I still didn't get to it until Thursday. Haha.

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How is "using your shape to serve others" different from the way most people understand "ministry"?
Ministry sounds like something for special people. "Called" people. Both of those things are actually true, but what we don't realize is that each one of us is special, with our unique talents, interests, and experiences, and God calls ALL His children to serve.

What do you love to do that you could use to serve others in the family of God?
Well, music, of course, and I'm already getting involved with the music ministry at SBC. I also find a lot of enjoyment in simple, physical tasks in which I can practice my efficiency of movement: setting up or putting away chairs and tables, cleaning up, stuffing envelopes, folding programs. . . basically anything that doesn't require a lot of hard thinking, just time and a pair of hands. I think I like it because you can see definite progress and an end-point to reach for, and it gives me the perfect mindset to have some internal monologue that isn't clouded and distracted by too much (what I mean is, those tasks are distracting enough that I am generally purely honest with myself without realizing it, and I don't really have the opportunity to overanalyze).

Think of a painful experience you have gone through that God could use to help others who are going through the same kind of situation.
The depression, anger, doubt, depravity, and just pure insanity of this past summer has taught me a lot of things, and I'm still making heads and tails of it all, but I can tell you one thing for sure: God has a PERFECT plan, and if we would truly call out to Him in our anguish and trust that He will provide, we will find our prayers answered.

How does comparing ourselves with others keep us from fully developing our unique shape?
For me, when I start to compare myself to others, I lose sight of why I was doing what I was doing in the first place; beating the other person becomes the new goal. I don't really have a competitive spirit, so when I do get into that mood, it's very strange, and I feel like I become someone that I'm not. There are reasons to do and improve upon things beyond trying to outdo someone else. And I feel like I get the most joy when I'm just in the zone and not paying attention to anyone else.

How have you seen God's power demonstrated through you when you felt weak?
This weekend/Monday/Tuesday were a little rough. I didn't want to come in and teach either of those days. I felt like my mind was cloudy, my mood was not super great, and I just wanted to sleep it all away. Trust me, the temptation to call in sick had been quite enticing. But each morning I prayed that I might please Him through all my actions in the day, and I told myself that Jesus is my boss, and I should come to school and do my best, even when I don't feel up to it, because I think that's what He wants me to do. With that little step of faith, this week has actually been one of my best weeks of teaching so far. I know that this positive energy didn't come from me (because I have still been having the problem of getting out of bed in the morning all week), but once I get here, I feel much better. I have a three day weekend to catch up on sleep, emotions, and all that; God gives us exactly what we need.

How can we help every member of our small group or class find a place of ministry? What can our group do to serve our church family?
Well, I know everyone is involved with something, whether it is the nursery, music, VBS, Upward basketball, Wednesday night youth ministry, MOPS, Wednesday night studies. It's hard for me to say if we all could do any more (I'm finally getting more involved, but I also don't have any pets nor any children, nor a spouse, unlike most everyone else in my class. . .). I think there could be something we do as a class that would serve the church that would be neat, but I don't know what that "something" is.

Day 36: Made for a Mission

I'm working on a song. I don't know what will come of it, and it may end up in my large pile of unfinished musical projects (like the chord progression I came up with a few months ago. . . although I think about that every so often, and thankfully wrote it out on Sibelius). We'll see. If anything comes to fruition, I'll probably post it here.

I can't believe I've been reading through PDL for a month, and that I'm almost done! Time is so crazy. I'm finally to the last theme/purpose: You Were Made for a Mission.

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I was wondering about why the book hadn't talked about unbelievers. Now I understand. Ministry = brothers, mission = future (or at least potential) brothers. Got it. If you think about the analogy that the Church is the Body of Christ, doesn't it make sense that we should be doing what it is that He was doing when His physical body was on Earth? . . . oops. That's actually the first bold statement in this chapter: our mission is to continue Jesus' mission here. There are five different passages about His commission to us. It is not enough to just be content with having God in our lives, and in fact, if we know such great news, why aren't we sharing it with EVERYONE we know??? At times we want to make it not that easy (or at least I know I'm guilty of that) but come on! This is ETERNITY! 300,000 piece choirs singing praises to a God that we will see and interact with! Here's a challenging statement: "You are the only Chrisitan some people will ever know, and your mission is to shar Jesus with them." We can't make anyone choose to have a relationship with Christ, but I don't think we are excited enough about it to really sell it anyway! I know I'm not going to get many students to join band if I don't act excited about music; why do we evangelize like it's an inconvenience??

I'm preaching to myself mostly. I don't do this, and I need to stop being afraid and start living the life God intends me to.

Second, our mission is a wonderful privilege. God could say, "Hey, you got it! Congrats! Now just watch as other people struggle while you sit safe in My arms." But He doesn't. He says, "Great! Now go get other people and bring them to Me." We have so many wonderful benefits, being in His family; why are we so stingy with sharing them?

After all, telling others about Him is the best thing we can do for them. The book says that if we had a cure for cancer or AIDS, we would share it. We have the cure for eternal damnation, which is WAY worse than any worldly illness. The book mentions that long-time Christians sometimes forget what it was like to be hopeless when they were without Christ. . . I don't know that I completely agree. I find that most people's personal testimonies are pretty powerful, no matter what age they are and what age they came to know Him. Some people can empathize with others better, but that doesn't mean that we forget what life was like before salvation.

Our mission has eternal significance; our jobs in and of themselves generally do not. But that DOES NOT MEAN WE QUIT OUR JOBS AND BECOME "PROFESSIONAL EVANGALISTS", nor does it mean that if we aren't "professional evangalists" that we are exempt from sharing the Good News! Pastor Dan this morning had some great stuff relating to this idea; here are some paraphrases.
-Compartmentalizing your life (this is my "work sphere," my "home sphere," and my "religious sphere") does not lead to true worship and integrity.
-We work for an Earthly boss, but we answer to a Heavenly manager.
-God will pay us in Heaven far beyond what this world gives us for our work- work for the heavenly reward.
Essentially, we should change our work into worship. PDL has covered this idea already.

I have to get going (it took me a while to clean up my kitchen after last night's cooking escapades) but I will finish this after the Super Bowl Party.

AFTER THE PARTY: I am thankful for my SS class for so many reasons, but I won't get into that now. I must finish this chapter!

Our mission also gives life meaning. "The best use of life is to spend it for something that outlasts it." The only thing that will last is God's Kingdom! Are we making a difference for our current time, or do we have the eyes of eternity? And think about it: the end of time on Earth is directly connected to the completion of our mission. Armageddon won't come until everyone is saved that will be saved. Jesus didn't do a lot of prophesying. But He certainly did a lot of spreading around the message of God, and urged the disciples to do the same after He left the world. I don't know about you, but the combination of getting people to see the truth and get to Heaven along with bringing the completion of time and the eternal reign of God is more than enough motivation to get out and fulfill my mission!

Point to Ponder: I was made for a mission.
Even if God didn't specifically call us to "go and make disicples of all nations," there's no reason that we should ever want to keep that information held inside!

Verse to Remember: Matthew 28:19-20 - "Go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." New International Version
It is interesting that the Great Commission ends with "I am with you always." We are not tackling the battle of spreading our faith alone, and that is very encouraging.

Question to Consider: What fears have kept me from fulfilling the mission God made me to accomplish? What keeps me from telling others the Good News?
For me (and probably for many people), it is that fear of rejection, of being ridiculed, of being mocked, of being counted as a "crazy." I've barely started Max Lucado's "He Chose the Nails" (and I think that might be the next book I explore via this blog), and this morning in SS we talked about what Jesus knew He would go through to successfully accomplish God's purpose on Earth. I think the journey through that book will be very eye-opening and encouraging for me, and I hope it will for whomever chooses to read this blog.

Day 35: God's Power in Your Weakness

So before I went to bed last night, I was trying to deal with the whole "murder" thing. Where else would I look but to the first murder in human history, the story of Cain and Abel. My LASB gave some insight: "This is the first murder- taking a life by shedding human blood. Blood represents life (Leviticus). If blood is removed from a living creature, it will die. Because God created life, only God should take life away. Cain was severely punished for this murder. God judges all sins and punishes appropriately, not out of vengeance, but because he desires to correct us and restore our fellowship with him. When you're corrected, don't resent it. Instead, renew your fellowship with God."

So today I challenge you to pray not only for the family, but also for the killer. It is not our place nor God's will to seek vengenance; pray that through this tragedy God can reach out to him/her/them and that His will is furthered in their lives.

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Another challenging yet encouraging chapter, all about the one thing we don't want to talk about: our weaknesses. Physical, emotional, intellectual, or spiritual, none of us really like to talk about our flaws. "Hey, look! I can't do this at all, and this part of my life is really messed up! Wanna see?"

Now, I realize that statement is a little facetious, but the truth of the matter is that talking about what we can't do is not generally appealing. But God doesn't want us to hide our weaknesses. Think about it: if God is doing great things through "great" people, how much more impressive is it when God does great things through weak people?

So what can we do to be used by God ("because after all, if God only used perfect people, nothing would get done")? First, we must admit our weaknesses. We can't be honest with other people if we aren't honest about ourselves. And remember back to the list of people in the Bible who weren't perfect in a previous entry. We know and can admit that God is all-powerful, but why can't we admit that we are only human? What a freeing confession!

Second, we have to be content with our weakness. After all, being weak just makes us even more aware and dependent on God for strength. They keep us from becoming egotistical (hopefully. . .), and encourage relations (think about it; do you generally gravitate towards people that are arrogant and "perfect" or do you find yourself wanting to find support with people who have been through what you have and can help you out?). It also means we shouldn't be jealous of people who are strong in areas we are not.

We must also honestly share our weaknesses. Vulnerability. . . it's always scary to take that first step. In the dichotomy of people, there are some that can start things very easily but have a hard time finishing, and then there are people who are reluctant to start a project, but once they finally start it, they will complete it fully. I am definitely the latter. I know that once I get out of bed in the morning, my morning routine will set in and I'll be good to go. . . but it's getting out of bed that's the problem. I know I have to schedule time or send an e-mail that will start a chain of events. . . such a simple task, but I wait until I'm "good and ready." One trick I do is to do something immediately after I think of it so I don't have a chance to back down. Why am I rambling about this? Well, my point is that it is hard for me to open up. Because I know that once I start spilling my guts, it'll start a snowball affect.

Am I ready for that? Shouldn't I be? Don't I need major change in my life? What am I so afraid of?

Lastly, we glory in our weaknesses. We are "trophies of grace," and we should act as such. It's not about us and our abilities; it is about what God is able to do through us in spite of how we are! Our weaknesses make us realize what a wonderful God we serve; we should be so thankful to know that we cannot do it alone.

Point to Ponder: God works best when I admit my weakness.
He doesn't just use our strengths; if that were the case, He wouldn't bother giving us weaknesses, and the world would be perfect!

Verse to Remember: 2 Corinthians 12:9a- "My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness." New International Version
Such a great verse to tuck away for a rainy day.

Question to Consider: Am I limiting God's power in my life by trying to hide my weaknesses? What do I need to be honest about in order to help others?
Yeah, probably. No one wants to look an ignorant fool (and being 21 and in a "new" environment (though with each day I feel better and more settled), that is inevitable in my life right now), but is that keeping me from reaching out to people? I don't know that I've really thought about it for today. . .

Day 34: Thinking Like a Servant

Another long day, although good (until the end). I'll get there momentarily.

Teaching went well, minus the whole pep band rumor thing and me freaking out about my accompaniment parts. I can be pretty unreasonable with my demands for myself sometimes, as surprising as that might be. After school band, although small, was going well, and then all of the sudden we were told to dismiss students because there was a tornado warning (which wasn't completely true. . . there was a warning probably 35 miles south of us, and it wasn't moving nearly fast enough for us to have to evacuate because southern Volusia County didn't get the warning until after 4 PM, but whatever, I don't call the shots). So I drove out to Deltona (towards the storm, actually) and got there a little early, which wasn't necessary since the whole thing was falling behind partially due to weather and partially due to other circumstances. Overall S&E went well; I could get into specifics but if you're really that interested, just ask me. I don't quite understand everything in the FBA system yet. . . and if I see my way into any position of authority during my tenure in Florida (who knows how long that will be) I will see if I can't make some changes happen to the logistics and such. Musically, there were a couple students that surprised me with their expression and quality of sound, and I'm excited to play at state for them. I had a friend from church page turning for me, and that was extremely helpful. We went out to dinner afterwards (as both of us were starving. . .my last event was "8:40" and we didn't leave until probably 9:30).

I had recieved a text from one of my former roommates, but since my phone was off I didn't get it until after S&E. It was a simple text but important: "Call me." A little terse for him, so I figured something bad was up.

I was right, unfortunately.

He called me back as we were eating at Arby's, and informed me that a friend of mine and her husband were murdered this morning.

Being 1,200 miles away, I'm still in shock. While I didn't know her for very long, I saw her about once a week during my internship. She was a good person, and although I didn't know her husband, I just. . . murder doesn't make sense. Ever. I don't get it. Two musicians killed in SW Michigan in 3 or so months? What is going on with the world?

Anyway, please pray for the family, friends, and musical community affected by this loss.

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This chapter tells how we can change our mindset to become more like a servant. First is thinking more about others than about ourselves. To echo the point he made in an earlier chapter, it is thinking about ourselves less and NOT thinking less of ourselves. Being a servant does not mean that we lose significance; it just means that we don't focus on our needs first. As much as I like to help other people out, I don't know that I've ever "emptied" myself. Do we become angry or upset when other people treat us like servants? How proud are we? Quite the challenge.

Second, servants think like stewards, not owners. Although the book mentions money as being a huge stumbling block, I think it's important to remember that everything is God's. Our jobs, our relationships, our environment, everything. Are we acting as though we are only living here temporarily, or are we establishing our own "kingdoms" on Earth?

Third, servants think about THEIR work, not other's work. Criticism from outside the Church is one thing; why are we criticizing each other within the Church?? It's been said before: everyone is working towards the same goal. It doesn't matter who is doing what, as long as it is being done and with the right heart (which, if it's being done, it's probably with the right heart). We need to avoid the distractions of those who wish to criticize us, and we must avoid the temptation to criticize others.

Fourth, servants base their identity in Christ. Serving God doesn't prove our worth (we are already saved!) so what does it matter which task we are being involved with? If you are serving to get a pat on the back, an approving statement by another, or an award, who are you really serving? "The closer you get to Jesus, the less you need to promote yourself."

Finally, servants think of ministry as an opportunity, not obligation. It is a JOY to serve, not a task. Whenever we serve, it is likely that we are being used by God to touch another person's life. And we each only get one life to live. Passing up that service opportunity might mean passing up the only chance you may have to impact someone's life for Christ.

Point to Ponder: To be a servant I must think like a servant.
Simple statement, but sometimes difficult to do.

Verse to Remember: Philippians 2:5- "Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus." New International Version
It's probably one of the verses that inspired the whole WWJD craze back in the 90's.

Question to Consider: Am I usually more concerned about being served or finding ways to serve others?
Truthfully I think I do a good job of looking out for ways to help others. However, I am working on actually going through with being helpful everytime I see opportunities.

Day 33: How Real Servants Act

I gotta say, this has been one of my longest weeks so far, but it's been good (minus the not wanting to wake up at 5:30). Tomorrow will be quite the adventure, though. Teaching all day (including after school band), then driving directly to Deltona MS for S&E from 5 until 9 (technically 5:10-8:40, provided they are on time. Hah). I know I'm going to need a lot of patience tomorrow (I learned that tonight, but when I stopped being annoyed and focused on the amazing weather and the smell of cut grass. . . it's funny what a change of perspective does for the mental state).

I had other things I wanted to write about, but I'm so tired that I want to get to PDL so I can get to bed.

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This chapter is all about the qualities that comprise a servant's heart. I think we all know at least one person who we think of when we hear that phrase (I know I do). There are six different qualities.

(also, I apologize in advance if I don't edit or link a lot, and if my dyslexia comes through. . .I've already typed at least three words completely backwards)

First is that real servants make themselves available to serve. Instead of filling their lives with busy-ness and only serving out of convenience, they are available to God on a moment's notice. After all, everything happens for a reason, right? So, if we aren't jumping on the opportunities to serve, we are ignoring a chance to grow.

God's minutemen. . . shouldn't all Christians be like that? I know that I'm not.

Second, servants pay attention to needs. They don't just wait for opportunities to pop up; they are also actively seeking opportunities to help others. It is a combination of sensitivity and spontanaeity. Carpe diem, right? Service isn't the last thing on our to-do list; it should be in a place of priority.

Third, they do their best with what they have. There is no excuse to wait to serve. Everyone can do something, and there's no bar of excellence for serving. Perfection is not the name of the game: involvment is. Any service is better than none. And how will you get better at something if you never actually do it? I'm excited to see the list of things that need to be done at SBC, because I know that every single person in the congregation has a place to be involved. I'm praying both that I will step up in the places I feel I should and that everyone else will also take that step of faith (I know I'll be doing things I've probably never done before) and put their name to a committment of service. What an awesome thing that will be to see.

Real servants also do every task with equal dedication. It's not about what is being done, but about how it is done. Sound familiar? Our service should be acts of WORSHIP to God. Whether we are cleaning up after a church function, making food, sending out e-mails, taking out the trash. . . all of it can be done and should be done with the same heart as the "great" things. Everyone wants to be part of the big happenings; but it does not take special people to fill in the massive amounts of little things!

Fifth, servants are faithful to their ministry. Dependable, reliable, trustworthy, committed. . . all those words work. They get stuff done, and they do it right. One thing that always gets me is that Moses never gave up on the Israelites (quite the opposite; he begged God not to destroy them). They seemed so hopelessly lost! Of course, if I look at my own life, I can defintely relate to that.

Finally, servants maintain a low profile. Service is not about making yourself look good to others ("eyeservice") because service IS NOT ABOUT YOU. The life of Joseph is a perfect example of this. I love this quote: "You have several prominent features on your body that you could live without. It is the hidden parts of your body that are indispensible. The same is true in the Body of Christ. The most significant service is often the service that is unseen." It's actually out of the Bible. We must be careful of our motives.

Point to Ponder: I serve God by serving others.
Cool beans. I can do that.

Verse to Remember: Matthew 10:42- "If you give even a cup of cold water to one of the least of my followers, you will surely be rewarded." New Living Translation
The book talked about how people want to lead, but I think also people want to serve those who are in prominent positions more often than those in "lower" positions. This is a good reminder that EVERYONE deserves service, not just the "elite".

Question to Consider: Which of the six characteristics of real servants offers the greatest challenge to me?
Probably the hardest is making myself available to serve. Although I do have a bit of an unstable schedule with being a band director (and finding out last minute about meetings and rehearsals) I know that I can get out of certain things if I start making times sacred to me (i.e. Wednesday nights, since so many church things go on then). It's not necessarily that I try to avoid things, but I need to be careful that I don't start making school an excuse when it doesn't have to be. And if that means saying no to certain things, well. . . I only get 24 hours in every day. I can still serve and worship God at school functions, but if I sign up for something at church first and then have to give it up for school . . . I just have to be careful.