Walking Worthily

I didn't really realize it until I actually thought about it, but since I was in high school, this has been my "life verse":

"That you may walk worthily of the Lord, fully pleasing Him, being fruitful in every good work, and increasing in the knowledge of God." -Colossians 1:10

The context around it is also very good stuff (here is the rest of Colossians 1: look especially at 9-14), but this verse in particular I have memorized, and it is something that always nudges me when God is trying to reach out to me.

You may have noticed one difference in the verse in quotes and the actual NKJV version. When I used to have consistently bad insomnia, I would end up staying awake until 1 and watching Pastor Melissa Scott. The reason I really liked her sermons is because everything she did was about the original language of the Bible, and how things have been either mistranslated or structured in a way that inhibits the original intent of the language. Although there isn't a video of the time she did this verse from Colossians, I will never forget it. She made a point that we can NEVER walk "worthy" of the Lord, for He is the only one who is perfect, and all praise goes to Him. However, if we walk "worthily" of the Lord, that means that the way that we are living our lives shows the goodness, mercy, and grace of God working (guess what) through and in spite of us.

I don't really know how long ago I saw that (I would guess 2-3 years, maybe more) but I have always kept it in my head and in my heart.

Anyway, the reason I bring all this up is because lately I've been struggling with the whole willing spirit vs. weak flesh (passage in Matthew). I sometimes get down on myself because I'm not perfect, and I don't just mean that in the "I have to be a perfectionist because I'm a musician" way. Let me throw in an aside (because after all, I am usually so focused when I write. . .) and say that I'm pretty sure I think differently than most people. Like. . . my primary way of thinking inside my head is through conversation with a specific person. If I want to think through something musical, maybe I imagine Dr. Schrock or Dr. Zegree, or if I want to think educationally, I think a conversation through with Dr. Lychner. Sometimes I make up words that they are saying in their voice, and other times I just pretend that they are listening as I am trying to work through something, but generally it's to a very specific person (rarely groups) that I think. And sometimes, yes, I think to myself (as in, "me" talking to "me") but that too is uncommon. If you do this, then you understand, but most people that I've talked to usually give me a strange look when I try to explain the concept. So, in doing this, I often take a "3rd-person perspective" in my thought life, imagining myself with said person in some location (usually a place that makes sense, like their office, a practice room, etc.).

Yes, I am aware that I am a strange person.

But going back to my point: whenever I take that third-person perspective thinking about me to me (. . . hopefully you followed that), it really just breaks my heart when I see myself making choices that I know I shouldn't. I won't indulge in revealing all the errors of my personal life, but it doesn't matter because sin is sin. I'll come back to this idea in a little bit. Anyway, this passage finally made sense to me in the past three weeks or so. I love what my LASB has to say (I'm going to paraphrase a bit): Paul shares three lessons that he learned in trying to deal with his sinful desires: it's not just about knowing the rules (knowing what to do and doing it ARE NOT THE SAME THING!!!), self-determination does not succeed, and becoming a Christian doesn't get rid of all sin and temptation. Being born again takes only a moment, but becoming Christ-like is a lifelong process. Christian growth is like a race or fight. NO ONE in the world is innocent and deserves to be saved; we cannot earn it by our good behavior. We must never underestimate the power of sin; we all feel the desperate experience of struggling with sin and trying to please God without the Spirit's help. We must never attempt to fight it by ourselves. Instead of trying to overcome sin with human willpower, we must take hold of the tremendous power of the Holy Spirit.

So one thing I have to realize is that I am an imperfect human, and although I may want to be perfect, alone I will never be able to do it. But how then do we deal with our imperfection? I am drawn to look to King David and his interaction with Bathsheba. After all, James says that those who are friends of the world are enemies to God, calling them "adulterous" (see here). So, by sinning, we too become adulterers (sin is sin is sin).

The whole story of David and Bathsheba is here, but in a nutshell, David sees Bathsheba, decides to sleep with her, sends her husband to the front lines to die, and takes her as wife (the process is a little more involved: he abandons his purpose (not going to war), focuses on his desires, looks into temptation, sins deliberately, covers up his sin through deception, and murders to continue to cover up the problem. How even the mighty can fall!). Nathan confronts him ("You are the man!" haha. . . long story), predicts murder, rebellion, and defiling of his wives in his future, as well as the death of the first song Bathsheba conceived.

What does David do? He confesses his sins, petitions to God, and after his son's death, worships the Lord. It is important to note that his sin, although forgiven, does not go unpunished (his son dies!!), but he is also given a new start (Solomon). We are not to dwell on the mistakes of the past, although we should learn from them. He (apparently) wrote Psalm 32 and Psalm 51 at this point in his life.


Hopefully I haven't lost you. This is my point from all of this: I will never be perfect. While this is not an excuse to be content with life and not bother with trying to become more like Christ, I also have to realize that God forgives sins, and I can move past the things which cause me to stumble and fall. Being able to find peace with being an imperfect human still lies in the set-up of Philippians 4: rejoice always, for God has forgiven us! Be gentle. Do not worry, but pray and petition with thanksgiving (David worshipped the Lord after his son died. . . and people certainly gave him a funny look). If we focus on things above, and reflect and, more importantly, put into practice the things we learn about God, we can find true peace.

I'm not there yet, but I know that I want to walk worthily of the Lord who has given me so much, to please Him through my life choices, to allow Him to do a great work through me that will bear fruit, and to know Him better and better each day.