I'm sure I could probably have written fuller, more fleshed out musings on many of these things, but I haven't had the mental energy to do so, which actually provides a nice segue to the first point on the list:
- The grief rock has me on a weird cycle. The past five or six weeks it's been kind of like this:
I never would have understood mood swings until I experienced them, or at least, recognized that I was experiencing them. And that's where I've been at the past week, maybe ten days, like this:
Thankfully I have been through this before, but as it's happening, you can't help but think that it's just going to continue to cycle faster and faster until your head explodes. What it probably actually means is that I just need to have a healthy cry, as I haven't really wept since I was in China and had a crazy dream, and that was over a year ago.
- I had the opportunity to babysit a beautiful five month old to help out two of my besties. It is terrifyingly humbling to be put in charge of a tiny human who cannot do anything for themselves. It really was an enjoyable two days though, mostly because at the end of the day she isn't my child. I have a greater appreciation for parents everywhere, and especially for single parents- I don't know how anyone does that. I also got a better appreciation for (what I feel like is a stereotypical musician's favorite) this passage of Scripture. This idea of singing over someone. . . granted, singing to a baby to get her to sleep is not a new technique (but side note within a side note, baby whispering runs in my family; my dad has always had a way with small children, to the point where he cannot be in the room with my nephew if anyone else wants to spend time with him, because he will literally only want to be with my dad. It's crazy), but it just struck me what a beautiful picture that is.
Granted, the things I sang were quite varied, whether praise/church songs or musical theater or kids songs (although I'm pretty sure I'm not ready to be a parent because one of my verses of "The Wheels on the Bus" involved a drug dealer asking "Want some crack?" so yeah), and really my default is to improvise chant melodies in a low range, typically Phrygian also sometimes I will shift over to Mixolydian for fun, but still, it gave me a perspective on the Father's love for His children and I still haven't 100% worked through that yet.
- I got asked to play for a cabaret (in town!!) this weekend (and actually have another show tonight) with a local community theater. It never ceases to amaze me how open theater people are. I mean, I show up to a rehearsal Wednesday to play piano with a group of people who have never met me (#sidenotewithinasidenote it is such a strange proposition to ask someone to print some music and meet a stranger, and that stranger to tell them to just sing and he'll play the piano and everything will be fine. And it is. But still, strange) and I am immediately accepted and loved. And it's super fun, to just show up and perform. There's a freshness in having to sightread/sight-accompany that makes this kind of performance different than most other things I do. But either way, I'm looking forward to many more collaborations with them.
- It is insane to think about the opportunities I've had in my life to have great musical experiences and to have learned the things I have in the amount of life I've had. I would say I've been spoiled but that sounds too negative, blessed sounds super cliched (#blessed), and fortunate sounds too accidental. So I guess I will say that I am thankful that God in His sovereignty saw fit to put the pieces in my life together to bring me to a point where, for the time being, I can not only survive financially as a musician but enjoy doing it. I can point to many difference experiences and people that have helped to craft me into the artist that I am still figuring out how to be, and that's pretty awesome.
#sidenotes
