So a few months back I made an analogy about grief being like a rock-
Today I have found it has shifted into something stranger. Specifically the past few days, and I don't know why, but now it's a ghost arm.
Now, to be fair, more than one someone mentioned this idea to me way back after Cam first died. They made a comparison to the feeling that one might have in a phantom limb after having lost it in an accident, that there's something that's attempting to be exercised or feels like it's moving but it isn't there. I didn't think there was much merit to that analogy, as it seems offensive to the person who is actually dealing with loss of limb.
But. . . . I've discovered that I do indeed have a ghost arm. Maybe it's been there since the beginning, maybe it's been slowly growing and now it's big enough to be noticed, I couldn't tell you. But it's there. And wreaking a little havoc.
That's not to say it is all bad- for the first time possibly ever I am emboldened to talk more openly, to not shy away from conversation or to shut it down once it begins. . . but that also means I am spewing it all out, or at least that's what it feels like. It's like the ghost arm is grabbing people, reaching out, slapping, waving, trying to bring as much attention as possible, and that's the part I don't like.
I know another part of this is that I've just been on a manic streak for a few days, so I'm doing a lot of writing and talking and e-mailing because there's a huge surge inside. And while it still ebbs and flows, it is tending to be more on the front edge of things rather than swirling in the background.
So, if I say something that's kind of random...that's why.
7/15/2017
7/11/2017
Romans 5:3-5
Been a rough couple days emotionally. I would love to be able to say why. . . but really I don't know. I'm always finding my emotions coming a few days after things happen, and sometimes things blindside us, but I spent a two hour car ride trying to find a conclusion and I couldn't reach it. So maybe chalk it up to grief/mood swings/whatever. I hate to blow things off to not having a cause but sometimes it's more important to focus on what's next.
So. . I went to Romans. And it's this sentence that I've been mulling over.
Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
A familiar passage, and encouraging. . . but there is so much more there if we look at the original language.
(PS- I just go here for basic research. I have a desire to learn the intricacies of language and verb forms and such but I do not have that knowledge on my own).
So, some interesting words. The word "rejoice" sometimes is translated "glory" or "boast," which is a much closer idea. The word means to have one's "head up high." Paul uses this word a lot in 2 Corinthians as he is defending his character and ministry position. The imagery behind "suffering" is a literal pressure, being in a narrow spot and being abraded on either side. "Endurance" is pretty straightforward (some translations "steadfastness"), the idea of remaining under. "Character" is another interesting word; the idea of something that has been tested and proven to be good, or to pass the required marks. It's a positive word, the idea that a standard has been met and it gets a stamp of approval- it's a proof of being found genuine. The word "hope" here specifically has the flavor of an expectation of something that is certain to happen. There is anticipation, there is activity- it is not a dormant, passive hope. Finally, the verb for "poured" is the image of something being filled beyond its capacity, like the wineskins overflowing. And that is the picture here of God's agape love.
So here is the Ben Beck Expanded Translation of Romans 5:3-5 (©2017 BBET, v. 1)-
And while that is great, there's also enough of God for the hard times. We can hold our heads up in spite of the pressures of this life; the abrasions and stresses bring us the opportunity to hold fast to God's strength, and it's in those times of enduring under the weight that we will be made genuine. When we pass the test, we will know that God has brought us through. We can confidently give God the glory for this work, because His great love is gushed into our hearts in endless quantity from the Holy Spirit, which God gave us for this reason.
So. . I went to Romans. And it's this sentence that I've been mulling over.
Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
A familiar passage, and encouraging. . . but there is so much more there if we look at the original language.
(PS- I just go here for basic research. I have a desire to learn the intricacies of language and verb forms and such but I do not have that knowledge on my own).
So, some interesting words. The word "rejoice" sometimes is translated "glory" or "boast," which is a much closer idea. The word means to have one's "head up high." Paul uses this word a lot in 2 Corinthians as he is defending his character and ministry position. The imagery behind "suffering" is a literal pressure, being in a narrow spot and being abraded on either side. "Endurance" is pretty straightforward (some translations "steadfastness"), the idea of remaining under. "Character" is another interesting word; the idea of something that has been tested and proven to be good, or to pass the required marks. It's a positive word, the idea that a standard has been met and it gets a stamp of approval- it's a proof of being found genuine. The word "hope" here specifically has the flavor of an expectation of something that is certain to happen. There is anticipation, there is activity- it is not a dormant, passive hope. Finally, the verb for "poured" is the image of something being filled beyond its capacity, like the wineskins overflowing. And that is the picture here of God's agape love.
So here is the Ben Beck Expanded Translation of Romans 5:3-5 (©2017 BBET, v. 1)-
And while that is great, there's also enough of God for the hard times. We can hold our heads up in spite of the pressures of this life; the abrasions and stresses bring us the opportunity to hold fast to God's strength, and it's in those times of enduring under the weight that we will be made genuine. When we pass the test, we will know that God has brought us through. We can confidently give God the glory for this work, because His great love is gushed into our hearts in endless quantity from the Holy Spirit, which God gave us for this reason.
7/10/2017
Lyric analysis- Grace So Glorious
So we sang this song yesterday morning:
It's not a new song to Grace Life by any means. But I realized that even though I've sang it many times, I could not 100% tell you what I sang. It is easy to get caught up in the beauty of a song without recognizing what words are there. I do it constantly, especially when it's a well written song that's enjoyable to sing (great key, great harmonies, interesting dynamic structure, etc... this is one of those songs). And even when we look at lyrics, connected ideas are spaced out because they are written poetically, or if they are on a screen, they are spread out onto different slides. So as I was driving yesterday after church, I was thinking to myself. . . what is in that song? There are certainly pieces of it that are easy to connect to, good "holy words," but what's the whole message?
So I typed it out in more sentence form with some added punctuation:
I love interpretation when it comes to lyrics, and there's a lot of good stuff here. The first image, that the cross provides no place where our sin is not exposed, is powerful. It completely reveals our inadequacy. When we come before Jesus, we cannot hide anything. And why are there no shadows? Because the source of light, the Redeemer, is there. And He is there, taking on the death which we deserve. He literally died in our stead.
That is a glorious grace.
Immortal day. . . I think there's several things here. First, a day that would never be forgotten- the Church continually celebrates it, not just at Easter or during communion/Lord's supper, but hopefully weekly as we gather and daily as we struggle. But also a day that would prove immortality- the necessary death but the great conquering of death by being alive again! And God, being merciful, endured a literal crown of thorns as He hung there. Not the crown the King deserves (but the imagery to come! so this is intentional). Upon dying, we see a tear in not only the literal veil, but also that which denied access to God himself. No longer would we have to rely on earthly priests to mediate our requests, prayers, offerings, whatever, to God, because Jesus grants us that. And we are no longer bound to a system to try and earn perfection, no longer enslaved to follow a nature that goes against God.
That is a glorious grace.
When we come together here on earth to praise God, it is only a microcosm of the celebration that will be in heaven. I would love to jump into the King of righteousness but this is already getting pretty long. There's some really fascinating stuff there though. And eventually, everyone will recognize Jesus. . . and what He has done for us, it's not because we are so great. It is because God is great.
That is a glorious grace.
And then. . . the great hope that helps us to face the difficulties of this life. . . that we will eventually see Jesus face to face! We will be with Him! And we will work alongside Him, which should inspire and incite us to holy living (a living, by the way, that is not only about what we do but also what God does in us). We aren't just left to our own devices, because if we were, we would be hopeless.
That is a glorious grace!!
And then, my favorite part to sing-
Oh the glory of the Savior's love surrounding our surrender...
To know forever we are welcomed home...
When we finally give up control, the freedom found in God's love. . . . still something I am discovering and finding areas of life that I need to give over to God. I think that's why Paul prays we would understand how great God's love is. That we could say boldly, "It's not my life anymore, it is Christ's!" That's what we strive for. And even though we stray, we do dumb things, we mess up. . . God never gives up on us.
And then the chorus! The part we sing over and over!
Crowned in glory to glory; Worthy is the Lord of all the glory forever. Holy is the Lord!
Reminds me a lot of this scene from Revelation. The lyrics here are pretty straightforward. . . but just love the throwback to being crowned in glory rather than with thorns, crowned to glory as King rather than to wrath.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Part of why we sing in church is an emotional response; part of why we sing is an intellectual response. For both the person who struggles in feeling the song and the one who gets caught up in the emotion but doesn't know why, it may be time to explore the deep truths that are embedded in the lyrics.
This went longer than I expected. . . but I need to do this more.
It's not a new song to Grace Life by any means. But I realized that even though I've sang it many times, I could not 100% tell you what I sang. It is easy to get caught up in the beauty of a song without recognizing what words are there. I do it constantly, especially when it's a well written song that's enjoyable to sing (great key, great harmonies, interesting dynamic structure, etc... this is one of those songs). And even when we look at lyrics, connected ideas are spaced out because they are written poetically, or if they are on a screen, they are spread out onto different slides. So as I was driving yesterday after church, I was thinking to myself. . . what is in that song? There are certainly pieces of it that are easy to connect to, good "holy words," but what's the whole message?
So I typed it out in more sentence form with some added punctuation:
Beneath the cross of Jesus Christ, no shadow remains for shame to hide. Redemption shone for all to see perfection bore our penalty with a grace so glorious.
Immortal day, the veil was torn when mercy donned a crown of thorns: as law gave way to liberty and freedom for humanity with a grace so glorious.
Oh the glory of the Savior's love surrounding our surrender...
To know forever we are welcomed home...
Crowned in glory to glory; Worthy is the Lord of all the glory forever. Holy is the Lord!
Triumphant praises without end, all hailing the King of righteousness. And every eye beholds the One our hearts were undeserving of with a grace so glorious.
O wondrous day when I will see the face of Him who ransomed me. I'll fall in worship at His feet and rise to reign eternally in a grace so glorious!
Immortal day, the veil was torn when mercy donned a crown of thorns: as law gave way to liberty and freedom for humanity with a grace so glorious.
Oh the glory of the Savior's love surrounding our surrender...
To know forever we are welcomed home...
Crowned in glory to glory; Worthy is the Lord of all the glory forever. Holy is the Lord!
Triumphant praises without end, all hailing the King of righteousness. And every eye beholds the One our hearts were undeserving of with a grace so glorious.
O wondrous day when I will see the face of Him who ransomed me. I'll fall in worship at His feet and rise to reign eternally in a grace so glorious!
I love interpretation when it comes to lyrics, and there's a lot of good stuff here. The first image, that the cross provides no place where our sin is not exposed, is powerful. It completely reveals our inadequacy. When we come before Jesus, we cannot hide anything. And why are there no shadows? Because the source of light, the Redeemer, is there. And He is there, taking on the death which we deserve. He literally died in our stead.
That is a glorious grace.
Immortal day. . . I think there's several things here. First, a day that would never be forgotten- the Church continually celebrates it, not just at Easter or during communion/Lord's supper, but hopefully weekly as we gather and daily as we struggle. But also a day that would prove immortality- the necessary death but the great conquering of death by being alive again! And God, being merciful, endured a literal crown of thorns as He hung there. Not the crown the King deserves (but the imagery to come! so this is intentional). Upon dying, we see a tear in not only the literal veil, but also that which denied access to God himself. No longer would we have to rely on earthly priests to mediate our requests, prayers, offerings, whatever, to God, because Jesus grants us that. And we are no longer bound to a system to try and earn perfection, no longer enslaved to follow a nature that goes against God.
That is a glorious grace.
When we come together here on earth to praise God, it is only a microcosm of the celebration that will be in heaven. I would love to jump into the King of righteousness but this is already getting pretty long. There's some really fascinating stuff there though. And eventually, everyone will recognize Jesus. . . and what He has done for us, it's not because we are so great. It is because God is great.
That is a glorious grace.
And then. . . the great hope that helps us to face the difficulties of this life. . . that we will eventually see Jesus face to face! We will be with Him! And we will work alongside Him, which should inspire and incite us to holy living (a living, by the way, that is not only about what we do but also what God does in us). We aren't just left to our own devices, because if we were, we would be hopeless.
That is a glorious grace!!
And then, my favorite part to sing-
Oh the glory of the Savior's love surrounding our surrender...
To know forever we are welcomed home...
When we finally give up control, the freedom found in God's love. . . . still something I am discovering and finding areas of life that I need to give over to God. I think that's why Paul prays we would understand how great God's love is. That we could say boldly, "It's not my life anymore, it is Christ's!" That's what we strive for. And even though we stray, we do dumb things, we mess up. . . God never gives up on us.
And then the chorus! The part we sing over and over!
Crowned in glory to glory; Worthy is the Lord of all the glory forever. Holy is the Lord!
Reminds me a lot of this scene from Revelation. The lyrics here are pretty straightforward. . . but just love the throwback to being crowned in glory rather than with thorns, crowned to glory as King rather than to wrath.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Part of why we sing in church is an emotional response; part of why we sing is an intellectual response. For both the person who struggles in feeling the song and the one who gets caught up in the emotion but doesn't know why, it may be time to explore the deep truths that are embedded in the lyrics.
This went longer than I expected. . . but I need to do this more.
7/06/2017
On life and tario...
Well, I got back from Canada Friday night and then slept for most of Saturday, so my plans to have a fresh reflection went out the window pretty quickly. But it was a great trip, and I'll get to that in a second.
First, once again, I know that my brain works this way but it still annoys me that I accomplish so much more when I have even the slightest inkling of a schedule; getting back into rehearsals this week has been great, and I've been motivated to do quite a bit, which is why it has taken until now to finally write. (Also I went up to Sky Valley Sunday/Monday so that was 16 hours in a car that I wasn't able to spend doing anything else but driving, so there's that)
I'm taking this month off from running. It's just too hot, and I don't have to start my next training until the 2nd week in August. I can make myself to run a few miles in the heat once I have a goal/reason to do so, but there's no sense in forcing myself into misery for the next few weeks. Instead I'm just gonna do some indoor workouts at home (I found a set of training videos that has one of my favorite phrases: lots of options) and keep my stamina/endurance levels up while maybe trying to knock off a few more pounds before hitting the ground. . . running. . . again.
There are also a couple other things around the corner. . . but no need to give away all the excitement at one time.
So. . . .
Canada.
It really was a great trip. On the social/fun activity side of things, we got to spend a day at Niagara Falls (which is insane, the rushing water all around you, just magnificent, and only a piece of the power and glory of God we can observe here on earth), and I got a dessert the size of my head for my birthday (which is really how one should be able to order celebratory desserts). I think #29 is rivaled only by #26, because really, what could be better than Dinosaur World?
Also, by the grace of God, none of my puns warranted me getting slapped, so that is always a win in my book.
After settling in (Airbnb for the win), the first full day we helped with a "Free Sale," which was a really interesting idea. People donated stuff, and instead of buying items with money, the community was asked to contribute with either stuff or with canned goods, and then take whatever they wanted. It was neat to see how much food came in (that was later donated to a food bank). What was even more interesting was the conversations though; being able to talk to people about Jesus who had never even heard of Him, perhaps never really thought about God, and certainly weren't "churched." We also got to meet several of the Fellowship Oshawa people and I know I had some good conversations because of that.
(Here is the problem without a fresh reflection. . . I don't remember what we did that evening. Like. . . no clue. Passed out flyers perhaps? Because I know) the next day was Sunday, so we helped set-up, and Courtney and I were given the opportunity to lead the music along with their music guy, Kyle (so maybe the night before we had dinner? Because the three of us rehearsed that evening. So I'm going to go with that). Always good to be in a familiar scenario, setting up in a school cafeteria and having a come-as-you-are approach. That night we had a training session that really opened up my eyes to a great tool for evangelism/discipling, simple but effective, which is usually best.
Monday was the day we went to Niagara. As previously stated, it was a great time.
Tuesday we passed out some flyers for their summer kids camp. The best moment there was when a young girl asked, "Is this the Jared and Jen camp??" (this it their third year doing a camp in the area). Really interesting that you can just go around and put flyers in peoples' boxes, if you have the manpower why waste the stamps? That night we went to a park and had some intentional gospel conversations. It was cold and had been raining the hours leading up to it, so there weren't a lot of people. The older couple that Kyle and I spoke to were very receptive in having a conversation, but unfortunately held to being church attenders as good enough. They weren't really interested in a God who was interested in them personally.
Wednesday morning we did a prayer walk through the downtown Oshawa area. To say it was eye opening is an understatement. The homeless situation, the sex trafficking, the lack of efforts beyond humanitarian focus through religious feelings. . . heart breaking. And I can only imagine how much I miss in the area I live in. That night the Huntley's hosted a cookout for their life group and their neighbors, and quite a few people showed up. They got to make connections with people they didn't know yet, so that's always a good thing. Wednesday night is also when I heard the news that Heather passed away. I had the thought before we went on the trip of perhaps going over to see them, or that maybe that might happen. . . but I was still a little stunned that it did. There's lots more to say there but that's for another entry; for now, all I will say is boo cancer.
Thursday we passed out some more flyers for the kids camp, and then that afternoon helped with some of the nuts and bolts side of church planting (lesson planning for kids, data input, running errands, dreaming up some future plans, etc). We also went to a nice restaurant for my birthday which had quite the variety of food choices (I got butter chicken, not too spicy) before attending one of their small groups that night. That also was great to see a group of somewhat random people coming together and being willing to share their lives with each other and hear from the Word.
All in all, I learned a lot about myself and have been inspired to be more kingdom-minded in my approach to life. I always feel like there is so much to be said but at the very least I can look back at this and remind myself of what happened, which will in turn remind me of why it mattered, because really I'm writing for me and you all just get to see a slice of my brain. One more thing I'll say: it's nice to have finally met people that I've only heard about or connected on Facebook with, and it's really neat to see already how friendships formed quickly can turn into a great encouragement.
First, once again, I know that my brain works this way but it still annoys me that I accomplish so much more when I have even the slightest inkling of a schedule; getting back into rehearsals this week has been great, and I've been motivated to do quite a bit, which is why it has taken until now to finally write. (Also I went up to Sky Valley Sunday/Monday so that was 16 hours in a car that I wasn't able to spend doing anything else but driving, so there's that)
I'm taking this month off from running. It's just too hot, and I don't have to start my next training until the 2nd week in August. I can make myself to run a few miles in the heat once I have a goal/reason to do so, but there's no sense in forcing myself into misery for the next few weeks. Instead I'm just gonna do some indoor workouts at home (I found a set of training videos that has one of my favorite phrases: lots of options) and keep my stamina/endurance levels up while maybe trying to knock off a few more pounds before hitting the ground. . . running. . . again.
There are also a couple other things around the corner. . . but no need to give away all the excitement at one time.
So. . . .
Canada.
It really was a great trip. On the social/fun activity side of things, we got to spend a day at Niagara Falls (which is insane, the rushing water all around you, just magnificent, and only a piece of the power and glory of God we can observe here on earth), and I got a dessert the size of my head for my birthday (which is really how one should be able to order celebratory desserts). I think #29 is rivaled only by #26, because really, what could be better than Dinosaur World?
Also, by the grace of God, none of my puns warranted me getting slapped, so that is always a win in my book.
After settling in (Airbnb for the win), the first full day we helped with a "Free Sale," which was a really interesting idea. People donated stuff, and instead of buying items with money, the community was asked to contribute with either stuff or with canned goods, and then take whatever they wanted. It was neat to see how much food came in (that was later donated to a food bank). What was even more interesting was the conversations though; being able to talk to people about Jesus who had never even heard of Him, perhaps never really thought about God, and certainly weren't "churched." We also got to meet several of the Fellowship Oshawa people and I know I had some good conversations because of that.
(Here is the problem without a fresh reflection. . . I don't remember what we did that evening. Like. . . no clue. Passed out flyers perhaps? Because I know) the next day was Sunday, so we helped set-up, and Courtney and I were given the opportunity to lead the music along with their music guy, Kyle (so maybe the night before we had dinner? Because the three of us rehearsed that evening. So I'm going to go with that). Always good to be in a familiar scenario, setting up in a school cafeteria and having a come-as-you-are approach. That night we had a training session that really opened up my eyes to a great tool for evangelism/discipling, simple but effective, which is usually best.
Monday was the day we went to Niagara. As previously stated, it was a great time.
Tuesday we passed out some flyers for their summer kids camp. The best moment there was when a young girl asked, "Is this the Jared and Jen camp??" (this it their third year doing a camp in the area). Really interesting that you can just go around and put flyers in peoples' boxes, if you have the manpower why waste the stamps? That night we went to a park and had some intentional gospel conversations. It was cold and had been raining the hours leading up to it, so there weren't a lot of people. The older couple that Kyle and I spoke to were very receptive in having a conversation, but unfortunately held to being church attenders as good enough. They weren't really interested in a God who was interested in them personally.
Wednesday morning we did a prayer walk through the downtown Oshawa area. To say it was eye opening is an understatement. The homeless situation, the sex trafficking, the lack of efforts beyond humanitarian focus through religious feelings. . . heart breaking. And I can only imagine how much I miss in the area I live in. That night the Huntley's hosted a cookout for their life group and their neighbors, and quite a few people showed up. They got to make connections with people they didn't know yet, so that's always a good thing. Wednesday night is also when I heard the news that Heather passed away. I had the thought before we went on the trip of perhaps going over to see them, or that maybe that might happen. . . but I was still a little stunned that it did. There's lots more to say there but that's for another entry; for now, all I will say is boo cancer.
Thursday we passed out some more flyers for the kids camp, and then that afternoon helped with some of the nuts and bolts side of church planting (lesson planning for kids, data input, running errands, dreaming up some future plans, etc). We also went to a nice restaurant for my birthday which had quite the variety of food choices (I got butter chicken, not too spicy) before attending one of their small groups that night. That also was great to see a group of somewhat random people coming together and being willing to share their lives with each other and hear from the Word.
All in all, I learned a lot about myself and have been inspired to be more kingdom-minded in my approach to life. I always feel like there is so much to be said but at the very least I can look back at this and remind myself of what happened, which will in turn remind me of why it mattered, because really I'm writing for me and you all just get to see a slice of my brain. One more thing I'll say: it's nice to have finally met people that I've only heard about or connected on Facebook with, and it's really neat to see already how friendships formed quickly can turn into a great encouragement.
5/27/2017
An amalgamation of side notes
I'm sure I could probably have written fuller, more fleshed out musings on many of these things, but I haven't had the mental energy to do so, which actually provides a nice segue to the first point on the list:
- The grief rock has me on a weird cycle. The past five or six weeks it's been kind of like this:
I never would have understood mood swings until I experienced them, or at least, recognized that I was experiencing them. And that's where I've been at the past week, maybe ten days, like this:
Thankfully I have been through this before, but as it's happening, you can't help but think that it's just going to continue to cycle faster and faster until your head explodes. What it probably actually means is that I just need to have a healthy cry, as I haven't really wept since I was in China and had a crazy dream, and that was over a year ago.
- I had the opportunity to babysit a beautiful five month old to help out two of my besties. It is terrifyingly humbling to be put in charge of a tiny human who cannot do anything for themselves. It really was an enjoyable two days though, mostly because at the end of the day she isn't my child. I have a greater appreciation for parents everywhere, and especially for single parents- I don't know how anyone does that. I also got a better appreciation for (what I feel like is a stereotypical musician's favorite) this passage of Scripture. This idea of singing over someone. . . granted, singing to a baby to get her to sleep is not a new technique (but side note within a side note, baby whispering runs in my family; my dad has always had a way with small children, to the point where he cannot be in the room with my nephew if anyone else wants to spend time with him, because he will literally only want to be with my dad. It's crazy), but it just struck me what a beautiful picture that is.
Granted, the things I sang were quite varied, whether praise/church songs or musical theater or kids songs (although I'm pretty sure I'm not ready to be a parent because one of my verses of "The Wheels on the Bus" involved a drug dealer asking "Want some crack?" so yeah), and really my default is to improvise chant melodies in a low range, typically Phrygian also sometimes I will shift over to Mixolydian for fun, but still, it gave me a perspective on the Father's love for His children and I still haven't 100% worked through that yet.
- I got asked to play for a cabaret (in town!!) this weekend (and actually have another show tonight) with a local community theater. It never ceases to amaze me how open theater people are. I mean, I show up to a rehearsal Wednesday to play piano with a group of people who have never met me (#sidenotewithinasidenote it is such a strange proposition to ask someone to print some music and meet a stranger, and that stranger to tell them to just sing and he'll play the piano and everything will be fine. And it is. But still, strange) and I am immediately accepted and loved. And it's super fun, to just show up and perform. There's a freshness in having to sightread/sight-accompany that makes this kind of performance different than most other things I do. But either way, I'm looking forward to many more collaborations with them.
- It is insane to think about the opportunities I've had in my life to have great musical experiences and to have learned the things I have in the amount of life I've had. I would say I've been spoiled but that sounds too negative, blessed sounds super cliched (#blessed), and fortunate sounds too accidental. So I guess I will say that I am thankful that God in His sovereignty saw fit to put the pieces in my life together to bring me to a point where, for the time being, I can not only survive financially as a musician but enjoy doing it. I can point to many difference experiences and people that have helped to craft me into the artist that I am still figuring out how to be, and that's pretty awesome.
#sidenotes
5/13/2017
My first half marathon
I don't want to downplay the accomplishment of having completed the half marathon today because I've done several full marathons at this point, but. . . . you guys, I ran fast. 1:59:30.
That is stupid. I'm gonna be so sore tomorrow.
But if we go back to that post where I talked about races. . . here is the beautiful thing.
This morning was very enjoyable because I was there. The smell of the air and the trees and the flowers, the feeling of the pavement and the trails and the wet, the taste of these amazing dumplings with a pineapple curry sauce (that was after the race, but still). . .
It was nice to be back to running and enjoying life. In many ways, it felt like something I had known before but different somehow. And in some other areas of life recently. . . I'm also getting a fresh start. I know there is so much more to say but my brain is jello and so are my legs. But God is too good. Way too good to me.
#return
That is stupid. I'm gonna be so sore tomorrow.
But if we go back to that post where I talked about races. . . here is the beautiful thing.
This morning was very enjoyable because I was there. The smell of the air and the trees and the flowers, the feeling of the pavement and the trails and the wet, the taste of these amazing dumplings with a pineapple curry sauce (that was after the race, but still). . .
It was nice to be back to running and enjoying life. In many ways, it felt like something I had known before but different somehow. And in some other areas of life recently. . . I'm also getting a fresh start. I know there is so much more to say but my brain is jello and so are my legs. But God is too good. Way too good to me.
#return
5/01/2017
Wellllll....
It's May.
This week coming up isn't too crazy, but still full, and then-
after May 7-
FREEDOM.
Relatively, of course.
I'm very much feeling like a plane landing, as it hits the tarmac and starts to decelerate and all the fast air rushes past. It's good timing in that this is another one of those tougher weeks, where the grief rock is heavier and digging in, and it's hard to go full steam ahead when you're trying to deal with that. But it will be nice to have some quiet weeks ahead. Even when rehearsals start back up in June, I will still have most mornings and days and some evenings. Time to reflect. Time to unwind. Time to process. Time to relax, as much as I ever can.
And time to write, perhaps?
This week coming up isn't too crazy, but still full, and then-
after May 7-
FREEDOM.
Relatively, of course.
I'm very much feeling like a plane landing, as it hits the tarmac and starts to decelerate and all the fast air rushes past. It's good timing in that this is another one of those tougher weeks, where the grief rock is heavier and digging in, and it's hard to go full steam ahead when you're trying to deal with that. But it will be nice to have some quiet weeks ahead. Even when rehearsals start back up in June, I will still have most mornings and days and some evenings. Time to reflect. Time to unwind. Time to process. Time to relax, as much as I ever can.
And time to write, perhaps?
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