So, if you came here seeking entries about Student Life Camp and found a mess of "UNFINISHED" entries, well, you didn't go to the wrong page (btw, here are the camp entries: Part 1, Part 2). When I started this blog in January, I wanted to use it as a place to do some book studies and reflect and share what I was learning. I did the Purpose Driven Life first, and then started doing Max Lucado's "He Chose the Nails", but then I got really really busy, so that went to the back burner. I do plan on getting back to that, but because I didn't find a format that was working, it was difficult (I have one now, because there's a study guide in the back). So anyway, a couple weeks ago I decided to get back into blogging by using Tom Holladay's "The Relationship Principles of Jesus" to jump start me back into blogging regularly. However, with the trip to camp, I'm a little behind. . . hence the unfinished entries. I'll keep going forward and catch up as I have time, and I'll try and alert in my entries when I'm catching up (if I remember to). If you just look to the side tab and see the "UNFINISHED" go away, that's when you know I've done the entry for that day. Thankfully I did write out entries almost every day at camp, I just have to transfer them from paper to digital.
So that's my story.
8/07/2010
Day 20- How to Be Truly Heard
Before I continue to get behind, let me at least do today's entry.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There were three things that Jesus did "beyond merely speaking" that allowed Him to truly be heard. First, he touched those He healed. It gave the examples of Him laying hands on many sick people and touching a leper. But why? After all, He healed the servant of a Roman officer from many miles away. What is so special about human touch? I don't know, but there really is something powerful in touching. Whether a pat on the back, a gentle squeeze on the arm or shoulder, or just a good ole' fashioned hug, it seems to put more meaning behind whatever words or feelings are going on in the situation. I think there's also something to be said about having confidence in both yourself and who the other person is and where your relationships is at that also plays into it (both what kind of physical language is spoken as well as what it means- a "church hug" from some random person isn't quite the same as a hug from a good friend). But, as the book warns, "[t]ouch is a powerful method of communication that can be misused or misunderstood." I've definitely lived that. . . and I know because of my past experiences that I am pretty physically guarded now. And sometimes that is frustrating, because I don't want to come off as cold or uninviting, but at the same time, well. . . like I said, I am careful. Maybe I need to let go of the old problems and start to find the physical side of my new life? I don't know. One last cool thought: "Jesus had the right touch, because he truly cared about everyone he met."
Second, He used questions to challenge. Jesus and Peter's interactions are perfect examples ("Who am I?" or "Do you love me?"x3 are what come to my head). A lot of times, we are too busy trying to get other people to change their minds without allowing them the chance to think; we just fight them until they give up. How else should we get people to think but to ask questions? And not in a mean way either, but to honestly allow them the chance to evaluate what they are thinking and doing, rather than just yelling at them. I LOVE asking questions, and I love trying to defend myself when I'm asked questions, because often times, one or both parties learn something new. Again, I think that's why I like teaching secondary students so much: they are intelligent enough to come up with some awesome questions and understand the responses, but they aren't set in their ways, so they are willing to absorb new information.
Finally, Jesus used pictures to communicate new truth. Do I have to start naming parables? The two pointed out in this chapter is the idea of being born again and that of living water. These different images and stories Jesus used give us new perspective on things that, while we may have thought about them before, we have not thought about them in that way. Not all of us are great at making up analogies (ask me about the giraffes on stairs sometime), but I think that this is just an encouragement to seek other ways of explaining your perspective to someone else rather than giving up right away.
Point to Ponder: Take responsibility for helping others hear you.
As a teacher, I know I have to help my students listen to me a LOT. . . but I don't think that's what this means. We have to be sensitive to what is most effective in reaching out to others and not just throw our hands up in the air when it seems like someone isn't listening to us or "doesn't get it." To take the teacher perspective, we all learn and express ourselves in different ways, so the idea of having to alter our communication strategies from one relationship to the next really shouldn't be that surprising.
Verse to Remember: Mark 4:20- "Others, like seed sown on good soil, hear the word, accept it, and produce a crop- thirty, sixty, or even a hundred times what was sown."
Think about different stories of those who have, in tough situations, continued to evangelize and love the people they are around, and then that person ends up turning to Christ and in turn touching hundreds and hundreds of people. I think of the story of my friend's dad who was in college and ended up showing the love of Christ to his roommate who is now a preacher at a very large church (I want to say 2,500 in the congregation? Something like that). From those seeds that he planted, look how many lives are being changed! We must never give up, because we don't know what the Lord can do with even the smallest seeds we end up planting.
Question to Consider: To whom do I need to offer a kind touch of compassion? For whom could a well-phrased question bring a needed challenge? Where do I need to use a picture to communicate a truth I've been having a hard time getting across?
SO MANY QUESTIONS. First, I think that there are quite a few people in my life that I could start opening up with, not just in a physical way, but also emotionally. I'm really good at listening, but I think I need to move past that and also be good at sharing. And if that includes being touched or reaching out myself, well, I need to get past that fear of rejection. Second, that's an interesting question. The first people that come to mind are my parents, but I just don't know exactly what I would ask and how I would approach it. Third. . . I'm still trying to figure out how to explain the process that has gone on in me since last summer. There's the whole caterpillar/butterfly thing, but my only problem with that is that there doesn't seem to be much struggle after the butterfly escapes the cocoon. Maybe it just needs modification. . . like maybe the butterfly sometimes has to fly in scary places? I don't know. I'm tired, so I'm going to stop now.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There were three things that Jesus did "beyond merely speaking" that allowed Him to truly be heard. First, he touched those He healed. It gave the examples of Him laying hands on many sick people and touching a leper. But why? After all, He healed the servant of a Roman officer from many miles away. What is so special about human touch? I don't know, but there really is something powerful in touching. Whether a pat on the back, a gentle squeeze on the arm or shoulder, or just a good ole' fashioned hug, it seems to put more meaning behind whatever words or feelings are going on in the situation. I think there's also something to be said about having confidence in both yourself and who the other person is and where your relationships is at that also plays into it (both what kind of physical language is spoken as well as what it means- a "church hug" from some random person isn't quite the same as a hug from a good friend). But, as the book warns, "[t]ouch is a powerful method of communication that can be misused or misunderstood." I've definitely lived that. . . and I know because of my past experiences that I am pretty physically guarded now. And sometimes that is frustrating, because I don't want to come off as cold or uninviting, but at the same time, well. . . like I said, I am careful. Maybe I need to let go of the old problems and start to find the physical side of my new life? I don't know. One last cool thought: "Jesus had the right touch, because he truly cared about everyone he met."
Second, He used questions to challenge. Jesus and Peter's interactions are perfect examples ("Who am I?" or "Do you love me?"x3 are what come to my head). A lot of times, we are too busy trying to get other people to change their minds without allowing them the chance to think; we just fight them until they give up. How else should we get people to think but to ask questions? And not in a mean way either, but to honestly allow them the chance to evaluate what they are thinking and doing, rather than just yelling at them. I LOVE asking questions, and I love trying to defend myself when I'm asked questions, because often times, one or both parties learn something new. Again, I think that's why I like teaching secondary students so much: they are intelligent enough to come up with some awesome questions and understand the responses, but they aren't set in their ways, so they are willing to absorb new information.
Finally, Jesus used pictures to communicate new truth. Do I have to start naming parables? The two pointed out in this chapter is the idea of being born again and that of living water. These different images and stories Jesus used give us new perspective on things that, while we may have thought about them before, we have not thought about them in that way. Not all of us are great at making up analogies (ask me about the giraffes on stairs sometime), but I think that this is just an encouragement to seek other ways of explaining your perspective to someone else rather than giving up right away.
Point to Ponder: Take responsibility for helping others hear you.
As a teacher, I know I have to help my students listen to me a LOT. . . but I don't think that's what this means. We have to be sensitive to what is most effective in reaching out to others and not just throw our hands up in the air when it seems like someone isn't listening to us or "doesn't get it." To take the teacher perspective, we all learn and express ourselves in different ways, so the idea of having to alter our communication strategies from one relationship to the next really shouldn't be that surprising.
Verse to Remember: Mark 4:20- "Others, like seed sown on good soil, hear the word, accept it, and produce a crop- thirty, sixty, or even a hundred times what was sown."
Think about different stories of those who have, in tough situations, continued to evangelize and love the people they are around, and then that person ends up turning to Christ and in turn touching hundreds and hundreds of people. I think of the story of my friend's dad who was in college and ended up showing the love of Christ to his roommate who is now a preacher at a very large church (I want to say 2,500 in the congregation? Something like that). From those seeds that he planted, look how many lives are being changed! We must never give up, because we don't know what the Lord can do with even the smallest seeds we end up planting.
Question to Consider: To whom do I need to offer a kind touch of compassion? For whom could a well-phrased question bring a needed challenge? Where do I need to use a picture to communicate a truth I've been having a hard time getting across?
SO MANY QUESTIONS. First, I think that there are quite a few people in my life that I could start opening up with, not just in a physical way, but also emotionally. I'm really good at listening, but I think I need to move past that and also be good at sharing. And if that includes being touched or reaching out myself, well, I need to get past that fear of rejection. Second, that's an interesting question. The first people that come to mind are my parents, but I just don't know exactly what I would ask and how I would approach it. Third. . . I'm still trying to figure out how to explain the process that has gone on in me since last summer. There's the whole caterpillar/butterfly thing, but my only problem with that is that there doesn't seem to be much struggle after the butterfly escapes the cocoon. Maybe it just needs modification. . . like maybe the butterfly sometimes has to fly in scary places? I don't know. I'm tired, so I'm going to stop now.
Day 19: God is in the Conversation
Last entry to catch up!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"More important than the way you talk to someone is the way you talk to God about them." I had never thought about that before. God is the ultimate authority on relationships; that is the reason why we exist! Prayer seems to be the ultimate cure when you find yourself being selfish in a relationship, because you are likely to ask how you can serve the other person, rather than try and find ways to convince God of how to use that person in your life. It also keeps us aware of how much God does for us on a daily basis, even when things seem to be rough.
Jesus was always getting away from the crowds after a long day and spending time praying, which is an interesting thing to think about, since He is part of God. He was in constant conversation with the Father, and that's really what prayer is all about. There are three ways we are supposed to approach God in our prayer/conversations. First, we must have persistence. The parables about the judge who won't listen to the widow or the friend who needs to loan food challenge us to realize "if these unwilling people were persuaded by someone's persistence, how much more can you count on a loving and willing God to answer your requests when you persist in prayer"! It is through persistence that we show our reliance on Him for everything. We ought to pray until the circumstances finally change, or we change our perspective, or both! Recently (which is awkward, because the entry about this is in-between Day 24 and 25) I have gotten some answers to prayers that I've been struggling with for a while now, and though the answers weren't necessarily what I expected, I believe it was only through constantly asking for help and for clarification that this finally happened. Second, we should approach Him with confidence. The truth of the matter is that all of our prayers are answered, but they are not always answered in the way we think they should be. Either that makes us bitter towards God or makes us think that He can't or won't do what we want. Take a step back for a second. HE won't do what WE want? As I read in My Utmost for His Highest a few months back, God is NOT our magician. We need to come to Him in full confidence that He knows what is best, and through consistent prayer we begin to bend our will to His and find that His way is truly best, even when we can't see it. The third characteristic is reverence. Again, it's about a relationship with God, and while we ought to be awed by His power, we also should feel respectful and loved as He is our Father. The opening line to the Lord's prayer (Our Father, who art in Heaven) gives us three questions: How small (our), how close (Father), and how big (in Heaven) is our God? I think I may have said this before, but here it is again. So often we make God out to be too big to care about us individually and too small to piece together all the aspects of our lives to work together for good , when in truth He is the exact opposite: He is personal AND all-powerful. Hard to comprehend, but so amazing to be able to rest on when life gets crazy. We know that God watches over us and plans things out even before we even imagine what is going to happen.
Point to Ponder: For Jesus, prayer was simply a conversation with his Father in heaven.
My perspective on life completely changed when I started to realize this truth and be open to the idea not of leaning back on God when things were crazy, or just praising Him when things are going really well, but to just focus and talk with Him whenever my mind isn't engaged in something else, and sometimes even when I am busy doing something. It has allowed me to fight against insomnia and other sleep related problems (like sleeping in a strange place- I always have a hard time falling asleep), and I no longer HAVE to go sleep with my radio on. In fact, now I don't even bother doing it, because it distracts me from talking with God. I think if there's any one simple thing that has really changed my life in the past year, it's opening up my life to constant conversation with God.
Verse to Remember: Matthew 6:9-13- "This, then, is how you should pray: 'Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us today our daily bread. Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.'"
We say this prayer by rote, but think about how many great things are in there. The opening line is discussed above. Next we see admission of His holiness and His rule over the world, and looking forward to the new Heaven and Earth. We ask for our immediate need, and nothing else. We seek forgiveness pending our forgiving attitude towards others. We ask for protection from Satan. And this is how we are always supposed to be talking to God. Definitely some practical applications there.
Question to Consider: How could patience, confidence, and reverence become a greater part of my conversation with God this week?
I think just trying to realize how perfect His plans always are and resting in the idea that He has my best interest in mind will help me to focus my prayer life to be more patient and confident (and reverent really; who else can coordinate the world? And that He's doing that for each of us. . . . pretty awesome).
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"More important than the way you talk to someone is the way you talk to God about them." I had never thought about that before. God is the ultimate authority on relationships; that is the reason why we exist! Prayer seems to be the ultimate cure when you find yourself being selfish in a relationship, because you are likely to ask how you can serve the other person, rather than try and find ways to convince God of how to use that person in your life. It also keeps us aware of how much God does for us on a daily basis, even when things seem to be rough.
Jesus was always getting away from the crowds after a long day and spending time praying, which is an interesting thing to think about, since He is part of God. He was in constant conversation with the Father, and that's really what prayer is all about. There are three ways we are supposed to approach God in our prayer/conversations. First, we must have persistence. The parables about the judge who won't listen to the widow or the friend who needs to loan food challenge us to realize "if these unwilling people were persuaded by someone's persistence, how much more can you count on a loving and willing God to answer your requests when you persist in prayer"! It is through persistence that we show our reliance on Him for everything. We ought to pray until the circumstances finally change, or we change our perspective, or both! Recently (which is awkward, because the entry about this is in-between Day 24 and 25) I have gotten some answers to prayers that I've been struggling with for a while now, and though the answers weren't necessarily what I expected, I believe it was only through constantly asking for help and for clarification that this finally happened. Second, we should approach Him with confidence. The truth of the matter is that all of our prayers are answered, but they are not always answered in the way we think they should be. Either that makes us bitter towards God or makes us think that He can't or won't do what we want. Take a step back for a second. HE won't do what WE want? As I read in My Utmost for His Highest a few months back, God is NOT our magician. We need to come to Him in full confidence that He knows what is best, and through consistent prayer we begin to bend our will to His and find that His way is truly best, even when we can't see it. The third characteristic is reverence. Again, it's about a relationship with God, and while we ought to be awed by His power, we also should feel respectful and loved as He is our Father. The opening line to the Lord's prayer (Our Father, who art in Heaven) gives us three questions: How small (our), how close (Father), and how big (in Heaven) is our God? I think I may have said this before, but here it is again. So often we make God out to be too big to care about us individually and too small to piece together all the aspects of our lives to work together for good , when in truth He is the exact opposite: He is personal AND all-powerful. Hard to comprehend, but so amazing to be able to rest on when life gets crazy. We know that God watches over us and plans things out even before we even imagine what is going to happen.
Point to Ponder: For Jesus, prayer was simply a conversation with his Father in heaven.
My perspective on life completely changed when I started to realize this truth and be open to the idea not of leaning back on God when things were crazy, or just praising Him when things are going really well, but to just focus and talk with Him whenever my mind isn't engaged in something else, and sometimes even when I am busy doing something. It has allowed me to fight against insomnia and other sleep related problems (like sleeping in a strange place- I always have a hard time falling asleep), and I no longer HAVE to go sleep with my radio on. In fact, now I don't even bother doing it, because it distracts me from talking with God. I think if there's any one simple thing that has really changed my life in the past year, it's opening up my life to constant conversation with God.
Verse to Remember: Matthew 6:9-13- "This, then, is how you should pray: 'Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us today our daily bread. Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.'"
We say this prayer by rote, but think about how many great things are in there. The opening line is discussed above. Next we see admission of His holiness and His rule over the world, and looking forward to the new Heaven and Earth. We ask for our immediate need, and nothing else. We seek forgiveness pending our forgiving attitude towards others. We ask for protection from Satan. And this is how we are always supposed to be talking to God. Definitely some practical applications there.
Question to Consider: How could patience, confidence, and reverence become a greater part of my conversation with God this week?
I think just trying to realize how perfect His plans always are and resting in the idea that He has my best interest in mind will help me to focus my prayer life to be more patient and confident (and reverent really; who else can coordinate the world? And that He's doing that for each of us. . . . pretty awesome).
Day 18: A New Kind of Honesty
OCD alert- some of my entries have hyphens after the day, others have colons. I don't know if I'm going to go back and change them. . . the hyphen is a new thing I've been using in the past couple months. No reason to resist change.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One of the worst questions in the world: "What's up?" I have two problems with it. First, it is said almost as often as "I love you," and has just about as much meaning behind it (that is to say, it's fake). People ask what is up because it's a friendly greeting. They don't actually want to know what's going on in your life, which is what makes it frustrating (though generally it is not done with a bad intent) and brings me to the second problem. When someone asks me that, I try to honestly answer it! And time and time again, I start trying to talk about whatever and the person either shuts me off or interrupts me. I don't take offense, but I do hope that I at least make them think about what they are saying (probably not though). And I'm guilty of it too. Sometimes people ask me how things are going, and I am usually truthful (and depending on the person, I may divulge a little more information than just my current emotional status), and though often I see what's going on in their life, sometimes I don't ask people how they are doing back. And I'll be honest, it's because I'm probably not thinking about them at the moment, and I would rather not be the "What's up" guy that doesn't listen. That doesn't make it right, and in light of some of the things I've been learning from this book, I ought to get myself into the habit of always seeing how the other person is, regardless of who it is, and really listening, not just being nice.
The book talks about how honest Jesus was, always delivering the truth and never too concerned about hurting people's feelings. It made me think about the people in my life who, if and/or when they have told me something honestly and sternly, I may have been hurt, but I also knew that what they said was true, and that always makes me want to change whatever thing it is we are discussing. We always have to be careful with how much control we allow feelings to take place in relationships; they are important, but they are not the ultimate authority for our choices. "Speaking the truth in love" really means being honest in order to build someone up. Truth-only tears people apart; love-only misleads people and breaks down trust. Doing both? Way harder. Honesty is always going to be harder than saving face with someone, or tearing them down for that matter. We are good at lying, and we are good at shooting word arrows, and we get plenty of practice with both during the course of our lives without even going out of our way to do so; at least for the people that are close to us, can we break that pattern and say the things they need to hear in a way that will reach them lovingly? If we turn the situation around, what and HOW would we want them to say to us?
Point to Ponder: It is easier to be nice than to be honest.
I feel like I've said this a few times through this series, but we are so afraid of offending people that we would rather just lie and walk away then reveal our true feelings. It is really more an issue of delivery than what the truth is. Saying "That dress makes you look like a cow" is a lot different than saying "That may not be the best choice to wear for tonight" or even "Honestly. . . yes" (the question clearly being "Will you make me a sandwich?"). Really, the last one is best, because it's truthful and uses the least amount of words. Coming from someone who is overly verbose in responses, we get tangled up when we start trying to explain every single thing. Less is definitely more.
Verse to Remember: Ephesians 4:15- "Speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ."
I feel like this verse gets misused a lot, in the sense of "you need to go get up in that person's grill and hit them with some loving truth!" It's not loving just because it's the truth and you're bringing it up. Again, it's a lot about approach.
Question to Consider: Is there someone with whom I need to take the risk to have an honest conversation?
Um. . . everyone? Shouldn't we always risk whatever it takes to be honest with the people that are in our lives? We risk looking foolish, we risk being thought of as strange, we risk being hurt. . . but the results of honesty are always worth it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One of the worst questions in the world: "What's up?" I have two problems with it. First, it is said almost as often as "I love you," and has just about as much meaning behind it (that is to say, it's fake). People ask what is up because it's a friendly greeting. They don't actually want to know what's going on in your life, which is what makes it frustrating (though generally it is not done with a bad intent) and brings me to the second problem. When someone asks me that, I try to honestly answer it! And time and time again, I start trying to talk about whatever and the person either shuts me off or interrupts me. I don't take offense, but I do hope that I at least make them think about what they are saying (probably not though). And I'm guilty of it too. Sometimes people ask me how things are going, and I am usually truthful (and depending on the person, I may divulge a little more information than just my current emotional status), and though often I see what's going on in their life, sometimes I don't ask people how they are doing back. And I'll be honest, it's because I'm probably not thinking about them at the moment, and I would rather not be the "What's up" guy that doesn't listen. That doesn't make it right, and in light of some of the things I've been learning from this book, I ought to get myself into the habit of always seeing how the other person is, regardless of who it is, and really listening, not just being nice.
The book talks about how honest Jesus was, always delivering the truth and never too concerned about hurting people's feelings. It made me think about the people in my life who, if and/or when they have told me something honestly and sternly, I may have been hurt, but I also knew that what they said was true, and that always makes me want to change whatever thing it is we are discussing. We always have to be careful with how much control we allow feelings to take place in relationships; they are important, but they are not the ultimate authority for our choices. "Speaking the truth in love" really means being honest in order to build someone up. Truth-only tears people apart; love-only misleads people and breaks down trust. Doing both? Way harder. Honesty is always going to be harder than saving face with someone, or tearing them down for that matter. We are good at lying, and we are good at shooting word arrows, and we get plenty of practice with both during the course of our lives without even going out of our way to do so; at least for the people that are close to us, can we break that pattern and say the things they need to hear in a way that will reach them lovingly? If we turn the situation around, what and HOW would we want them to say to us?
Point to Ponder: It is easier to be nice than to be honest.
I feel like I've said this a few times through this series, but we are so afraid of offending people that we would rather just lie and walk away then reveal our true feelings. It is really more an issue of delivery than what the truth is. Saying "That dress makes you look like a cow" is a lot different than saying "That may not be the best choice to wear for tonight" or even "Honestly. . . yes" (the question clearly being "Will you make me a sandwich?"). Really, the last one is best, because it's truthful and uses the least amount of words. Coming from someone who is overly verbose in responses, we get tangled up when we start trying to explain every single thing. Less is definitely more.
Verse to Remember: Ephesians 4:15- "Speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ."
I feel like this verse gets misused a lot, in the sense of "you need to go get up in that person's grill and hit them with some loving truth!" It's not loving just because it's the truth and you're bringing it up. Again, it's a lot about approach.
Question to Consider: Is there someone with whom I need to take the risk to have an honest conversation?
Um. . . everyone? Shouldn't we always risk whatever it takes to be honest with the people that are in our lives? We risk looking foolish, we risk being thought of as strange, we risk being hurt. . . but the results of honesty are always worth it.
Day 17- The Connection between Mouth and Heart
This is a tough truth to accept. We would like to think that when we accidentally say something mean or harsh that it is just a fluke and has no root. Upon further reflection, we will find that it did stem from our heart. Either we have held on to some small offense someone committed that we haven't dealt with, or we have had a bad day and we wanted to make ourselves feel better by making someone else look small, or we only really tolerate the person anyway and wish we didn't have to be nice all the time, and our wish comes true. Here's the interesting part that the book throws in: it's a two-way street. The words we choose to use have a direct impact on our hearts. If we speak negatively, we begin to feel negative. The same is true when we begin to speak positively; we start to feel better! The easiest place I see this truth is with my job. When I'm thinking and talking about all the great things going on, the excitement of a new year, the challenges and all the fun stuff that's going to happen, I feel good! And when I start to complain about all the restrictions and paperwork, the tough situations, the lack of finances, the slow downward spiral of the system as a whole. . . well, you get the point.
So how do we break out of that? We have to realize that, since there is mutual influence between heart and mouth, we must attack on two fronts. We need to seek out the reasons we feel the way we do (which tells us why we say what we say) (WOW that was really hard to type out- left hand ring finger alternating the s and w keys. . . bad situation) and we also need to be careful with our word choice and not just fly off the handle. We try to make up every excuse in the book for rationalizing when we lash out at someone else, but ultimately we are responsible for what we say, and "sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me" is such an untruth that it's not even funny. This chapter gives some strategies to help us keep our cool when we get into an argument (take a few minutes to get away, pray, use ownership statements instead of blame statements, focus on the solution, accept that which is unchangeable, make a point to watch your tone and volume as you speak), but that's not enough. We have to truly change our heart if we are going to change our words. I think the best strategy might be to recognize that God is watching the conversation and seeing arguments and disputes as opportunities to rely on His strength and show His love to the other person.
Point to Ponder: There is a two-way connection between my mouth and my heart.
It's pretty neat to see what happens when we start to watch our words a little more carefully, because then our hearts start to free up, and it's much easier to continue to say things that are encouraging and uplifting rather than spiteful and hurtful. In fact, in some cases it becomes harder and harder to do that.
Verse to Remember: Matthew 4:17- "Change your hearts and lives, because the kingdom of heaven is near."
And remember: heaven is going to be SO MUCH BETTER than life right now. Shouldn't we be getting ready for that???
Question to Consider: Am I caught up in a vicious circle of words with someone? What steps do I need to take to break the pattern?
At the current time, no. Have I been? Of course. The problem comes when you get tired of arguing and you just give up, because then you end up holding some bitterness because you never really came to a solution that both parties were content with.
So how do we break out of that? We have to realize that, since there is mutual influence between heart and mouth, we must attack on two fronts. We need to seek out the reasons we feel the way we do (which tells us why we say what we say) (WOW that was really hard to type out- left hand ring finger alternating the s and w keys. . . bad situation) and we also need to be careful with our word choice and not just fly off the handle. We try to make up every excuse in the book for rationalizing when we lash out at someone else, but ultimately we are responsible for what we say, and "sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me" is such an untruth that it's not even funny. This chapter gives some strategies to help us keep our cool when we get into an argument (take a few minutes to get away, pray, use ownership statements instead of blame statements, focus on the solution, accept that which is unchangeable, make a point to watch your tone and volume as you speak), but that's not enough. We have to truly change our heart if we are going to change our words. I think the best strategy might be to recognize that God is watching the conversation and seeing arguments and disputes as opportunities to rely on His strength and show His love to the other person.
Point to Ponder: There is a two-way connection between my mouth and my heart.
It's pretty neat to see what happens when we start to watch our words a little more carefully, because then our hearts start to free up, and it's much easier to continue to say things that are encouraging and uplifting rather than spiteful and hurtful. In fact, in some cases it becomes harder and harder to do that.
Verse to Remember: Matthew 4:17- "Change your hearts and lives, because the kingdom of heaven is near."
And remember: heaven is going to be SO MUCH BETTER than life right now. Shouldn't we be getting ready for that???
Question to Consider: Am I caught up in a vicious circle of words with someone? What steps do I need to take to break the pattern?
At the current time, no. Have I been? Of course. The problem comes when you get tired of arguing and you just give up, because then you end up holding some bitterness because you never really came to a solution that both parties were content with.
Day 16- The Foundation Is Trust
Trust. . .it seems like a commodity sometimes. Society teaches us that we need to do whatever it takes to get to the top, which includes being untruthful. On the other side, its nice to be able to have those people whom you can talk with and not fear they will not listen or worse, abandon you after hearing you out. "'Let your "Yes" be "Yes" and your "No," "No"'"has such HUGE implications and practical applications. And coming from someone who generally makes some kind of direct statement but phrases it somewhat vaguely so that he's only kind of assert ideas, some of the time. . . you get my drift. That's me! A friend and I used to make fun of each other, because we both speak/write that way. You won't often hear me say "Yes" or "Certainly," but "alright" or "maybe" or "sure", which I think have a bit more of a noncommital (or not fully committed) connotation. Something for me to work on, for sure.
HAH. See what I did there? "For sure" is much more commital than "I guess," which is what I could have just as easily put. Definitely (I did it again!) a step in the right direction.
(Sorry. . . I think playing with band instruments all day has fried me)
There were four types of untruths discussed in this chapter. First are lies. Everyone does it. From embellishing a story to covering up an action to simply hiding trhuth, they come out of our lips quicker than we think. How do we stop? I think the first step is in seeing how this untruth has and will ruin relationships. If we have the final outcome rather than the immediate, we may want to think twice. We also have to train ourselves to think before we speak, and not be afraid to correct ourselves when a lie does slip out. Second is flattery. No one ever wants to offend anyone else, se we tell them what we think they want to hear. But what happens when someone finally tells them the truth? They are crushed, and we look real dumb. Third are broken promises. How often do we find promises made to us broken? And how do we usually feel when that happens? Now- how often do we break promises? If that's not motivation to either stop making empty promises or start seeing your words through to action, I don't know what is. Finally, we have silence. Interesting. I struggle with this. I tend to exist in my own world, not because I don't like people but because I don't mind spending time alone (the introvert in me). And sometimes I just don't feel like I have much to add to a discussion. I also prefer to listen, but communication is not a one way street.
Point to Ponder: You cannot have high-level communication without high-level trust.
You certainly aren't going to tell someone something important if you don't think they are going to handle such information in the correct way. You also should not expect to be privy to someone else's important stuff if you have not gained their trust (either because you haven't had the chance or because you lost it, either way).
Verse to Remember: Matthew 5:37- "Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one."
How easy it is to manipulate and be manipulated by responses that are unclear. There's all sorts of gray area, but if we are honest with ourselves, we generally know if we are going to do something or not. Of course life events happen, but we get too busy avoiding offending someone by declining instead of just being up front. That doesn't mean we have to offer explanation, but better to be truthful than deceitful (especially because we usually end up getting caught later anyway).
Question to Consider: Is the way in which I'm using my words eroding trust or building trust?
I think when I choose to speak, I'm usually not shooting my mouth off or talking about things/people that I have no business speaking of. Sometimes though I do think I come off as unreceptive, not because I avoid the subject or something like that, but because it just takes me some time to process information, so I don't always give an immediate response that is deeper than "Hmmm" or "that's interesting."
HAH. See what I did there? "For sure" is much more commital than "I guess," which is what I could have just as easily put. Definitely (I did it again!) a step in the right direction.
(Sorry. . . I think playing with band instruments all day has fried me)
There were four types of untruths discussed in this chapter. First are lies. Everyone does it. From embellishing a story to covering up an action to simply hiding trhuth, they come out of our lips quicker than we think. How do we stop? I think the first step is in seeing how this untruth has and will ruin relationships. If we have the final outcome rather than the immediate, we may want to think twice. We also have to train ourselves to think before we speak, and not be afraid to correct ourselves when a lie does slip out. Second is flattery. No one ever wants to offend anyone else, se we tell them what we think they want to hear. But what happens when someone finally tells them the truth? They are crushed, and we look real dumb. Third are broken promises. How often do we find promises made to us broken? And how do we usually feel when that happens? Now- how often do we break promises? If that's not motivation to either stop making empty promises or start seeing your words through to action, I don't know what is. Finally, we have silence. Interesting. I struggle with this. I tend to exist in my own world, not because I don't like people but because I don't mind spending time alone (the introvert in me). And sometimes I just don't feel like I have much to add to a discussion. I also prefer to listen, but communication is not a one way street.
Point to Ponder: You cannot have high-level communication without high-level trust.
You certainly aren't going to tell someone something important if you don't think they are going to handle such information in the correct way. You also should not expect to be privy to someone else's important stuff if you have not gained their trust (either because you haven't had the chance or because you lost it, either way).
Verse to Remember: Matthew 5:37- "Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one."
How easy it is to manipulate and be manipulated by responses that are unclear. There's all sorts of gray area, but if we are honest with ourselves, we generally know if we are going to do something or not. Of course life events happen, but we get too busy avoiding offending someone by declining instead of just being up front. That doesn't mean we have to offer explanation, but better to be truthful than deceitful (especially because we usually end up getting caught later anyway).
Question to Consider: Is the way in which I'm using my words eroding trust or building trust?
I think when I choose to speak, I'm usually not shooting my mouth off or talking about things/people that I have no business speaking of. Sometimes though I do think I come off as unreceptive, not because I avoid the subject or something like that, but because it just takes me some time to process information, so I don't always give an immediate response that is deeper than "Hmmm" or "that's interesting."
Day 15: Communication Isn't Easy!
I'm thankful that I don't make word flubs too often, because the results are usually embarassing (the game of Taboo has definitely taught us that haha). I tend to be more thoughtful whenever I speak, so I usually use word play to break the ice or get a laugh, and I don't offend people too often.
Communication is the fuel of relationships. . . what a great analogy. It's through talking and interaction that we get to know people. But it's not any time of communication: it's love that binds people together. I love the analogy about putting water or acid in a car instead of gas, because it's so true! People who's attitude is acidic corodes and eventually rips holes in the relationship.
Communication is also an art, not a science. After all, I could say the same thing the same exacty way to two different people and get completely different reactions. I try far too often to make it a science, planning out conversations (or at least my half- I do this much less often now, but I used to constantly be thinking in conversation to specific people, depending on topic. I've found that I've turned that conversation to God instead, so that's been a neat change for me). That's not to say that there's never a situation that you want to get the words just right, but something I discovered at camp is that God really does supply us with the words when we focus on Him rather than try to plot out our exact speech (prayer time was a great example. I'm slowly getting more comfortable with praying aloud in a group setting). Also, it's OK if I'm not a perfect speaker! I think I need to be less harsh on myself in this area. . and I think I'm getting better at opening up. Anywho, when God gives us the words, really awesome things can happen.
Point to Ponder: All relationships are fueled by communication.
If they weren't, then the concept of friends, enemies, family, community, etc. wouldn't make any sense at all. Without communication, everybody is on equal ground, and no one means anything more or less than the next person.
Verse to Remember: Proverbs 12:18- "Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing."
I think we have all been pierced by such words, and we have all, accidentally or intentionally, used words to hurt someone. What does it mean to have a wise tongue? I think the answer is in James: quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger.
Question to Consider: Who needs to hear me speak words that heal?
I'm sure I can think of a handful of people who need healing words rather than scathing remarks.
Communication is the fuel of relationships. . . what a great analogy. It's through talking and interaction that we get to know people. But it's not any time of communication: it's love that binds people together. I love the analogy about putting water or acid in a car instead of gas, because it's so true! People who's attitude is acidic corodes and eventually rips holes in the relationship.
Communication is also an art, not a science. After all, I could say the same thing the same exacty way to two different people and get completely different reactions. I try far too often to make it a science, planning out conversations (or at least my half- I do this much less often now, but I used to constantly be thinking in conversation to specific people, depending on topic. I've found that I've turned that conversation to God instead, so that's been a neat change for me). That's not to say that there's never a situation that you want to get the words just right, but something I discovered at camp is that God really does supply us with the words when we focus on Him rather than try to plot out our exact speech (prayer time was a great example. I'm slowly getting more comfortable with praying aloud in a group setting). Also, it's OK if I'm not a perfect speaker! I think I need to be less harsh on myself in this area. . and I think I'm getting better at opening up. Anywho, when God gives us the words, really awesome things can happen.
Point to Ponder: All relationships are fueled by communication.
If they weren't, then the concept of friends, enemies, family, community, etc. wouldn't make any sense at all. Without communication, everybody is on equal ground, and no one means anything more or less than the next person.
Verse to Remember: Proverbs 12:18- "Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing."
I think we have all been pierced by such words, and we have all, accidentally or intentionally, used words to hurt someone. What does it mean to have a wise tongue? I think the answer is in James: quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger.
Question to Consider: Who needs to hear me speak words that heal?
I'm sure I can think of a handful of people who need healing words rather than scathing remarks.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
