Provision and faith

The past week these two verses have stuck out to me (they have parallels in Matthew but I have the feeling this entry will get too long so I'm going to stick with the Luke ones for now).

Luke 12:25-26

And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? If then you are not able to do as small a thing as that, why are you anxious about the rest? 

Luke 17:6

And the Lord said, “If you had faith like a grain of mustard seed, you could say to this mulberry tree, ‘Be uprooted and planted in the sea,’ and it would obey you.

As far as provision- Jesus says that adding an hour to our life is a small thing.  If someone said "if you drink this mixture you will guaranteed live for an extra hour" and it were proven to be true somehow, people would go crazy.  In some ways we try to add time to our lives through medicine, eating habits, working out, etc, although actively I don't think we think of it with quite that mortal of a view.  But just the concept of adding time to life is not something we really have any control over.  Having that kind of power would be HUGE.  Yet Jesus says this is a small thing for Him.  And so in the context of not worrying, Jesus is showing just how powerful He really is and how well He can provide all the things we need for life.

As far as faith- I did a little research about growing mustard, apparently it grows pretty easily with basic needs met (tilled soil, some sunlight, etc) and also grows pretty quickly.  It's common in the middle East and there are wild mustard plants that grow quite large (there's more talk of mustard seed and other seeds)

along the Jordan river.  Some translations make a size comparison (faith as small as a mustard seed) but I think that cheats a little of the original language.  There's more to compare than just size, even in the context of the disciples trying to figure out why they didn't have "enough faith" to expel demons.  But either way,  it's not the size of faith that "makes it work"- it's where the faith is placed.  If you don't put a seed in the ground, it won't grow.  And while the farmer may plant the seed, water it, care for it, but he is not actively growing the plant through any power within himself.  So the challenge for us is to actually put our faith in God's power.  And that means giving up control, letting go, and actively planting that seed of faith.

And what is faith?

Hebrews 11:1, 6

Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.

And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who seek him.

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It's been rough.  Really since March, but also the past 10-12 weeks spiraled into darker places.  But this past week there have been some Spirit-led discoveries through some trainings I've had to do for a new job I've taken.  I've been dealing with a lot of feelings of rejection through this pandemic; being alone for an extended period of time is never a good thing, but then when I have managed to reach out, I found myself being ignored, forgotten, or brushed aside. . . and so the past few months I've found myself beyond the ability to cope with that.  It seems easier to live with the problems than to risk another rejection.  So between that and the PTSD of the pandemic response being like bone marrow transplant land, I'm a mess.  But some of that rejection I think I have misinterpreted; instead of rejection, what I was getting was sympathy.  One training module described the difference between empathy and sympathy:

Sympathy is looking down into the dark hole; empathy is coming down into the dark hole.

Sympathy says "well at least _______," empathy says "I've felt that and you're not alone."

Sympathy moves on quickly; empathy stays and listens.  

Sympathy tries to give a response to try and "make it better", a band-aid for a gaping wound; empathy makes a connection, a compassionate listening to let the other person just empty their heart. 

It's the connection that helps the healing process.  There's no "answer" to be found, that was never the goal- but people need to be heard and feel loved.

So yesterday I did probably the healthiest thing in a while and actually initiated, granted to no feedback which was not unexpected, but I know two things to process through: I need an empathetic listener, and I need to reevaluate some of my perspective on what was rejection and what was well-intentioned but ill-received sympathy.