Rhythm Pyramids

This post has been long in coming, but between my crazy Jan/Feb and needing to keep open mental space for all of the music I've had to learn as of late, it has just been simmering in the background.  Also, the couple of times I've tried to sit down and write I'm just completely empty in figuring out how to describe things, and the other problem is that I needed to find an analogy that would help me be able to tell multiple stories. So today something finally clicked and now I have specific imagery that at least makes sense to me.

So I've been making some intentional changes in life again, as people often do when a new year starts.  Something happened in the fall, and my life started falling apart behind the scenes.  I did finally figure out what it was about a month ago (because I am a firm believer that every emotional discharge has a root cause. . . more on what happened later), but what was happening and what I'm doing now is best described as thus:

Imagine that your life is a big flat room full of pyramids.  Each of the different parts of life is represented by a different pyramid (relationships, work, hobbies, family, church, entertainment, whatever).  These pyramids aren't on a flat face though- they are each balancing on a point.  I originally came up with this idea when I was in college, that life is basically you running around and trying to keep these pyramids from falling over.  When you have a balanced life, all the pyramids are more or less standing on their own, and you just go and fix the ones that start to topple.  However, when you start to let one lean too far, and you have to put the effort to fix that thing, other pyramids start falling.  While it is not the end of the world to let a pyramid fall down completely, trying to get it back up from zero is very difficult and ultimately will just continue to spiral out of control.

But there's more to just you trying to balance the pyramids.  You also fill the pyramids (this is the new idea that hit me today).  And when you fill the pyramids with the right things, they stay balanced better because the inside of it has the arrangement of priorities and tasks correct.  But when you load it incorrectly, it topples out of control much faster.



A lot of what I've been doing since Cam died was just getting all those pyramids back up.  It would take a great deal of personal reflection for me to analyze where I'm at in that process. . . but I think I can safely say that 90-95% of the pyramids are up.  Maybe they all are, I'm not sure.  But a lot of those pyramids I have filled with the wrong things, or in the wrong way, and I know that's the case because of what happened this fall.  The hurricane hit in September, and while it messed me up a little financially (a week and a half off of work when you are self-employed as a performer is huge) it physically messed up my room when it flooded.  Being forced to move all my stuff out of the room, once the carpet was replaced and the water was gone, I went ahead and did some cleaning/purging/reorganizing (because, why not?).  And that is where the trouble began, because I found so much regalia and mementos of things that I have kept with me but had not really looked at in two years.  And while reminiscing and remembering is an important thing, I found myself just grieving in isolation.  And I started carrying that un-dealt with grief and leaving pieces of it in all the pyramids.

And so the pyramids all got way out of balance.

So what I've been trying to do the past couple months is to put healthy rhythms back into the pyramids.  Replacing self-pity with outward focus.  Replacing angry questions with thanksgiving.  Replacing bitterness with joy.  And I'm still figuring these things out.  Some things are easier to change or give up or replace than others, and I'm still struggling with a few things that look helpful but really just keep making the pyramid tumble back and forth.  But the big factor is going back to doing things God's way.  Because doing it my way doesn't work.  Simple things like reading the Bible daily becomes less of a chore and more of a joy when you stop accusing God of being hands off when the truth is that you've just been doing things on your own and not allowing Him to speak into your life.



I'm not sure if I've said it here before but I've been reading through The Message and it's been really good- so things like Psalm 56:8 get a whole new flavor:

You’ve kept track of my every toss and turn through the sleepless nights, each tear entered in your ledger, each ache written in your book.

God cares so deeply for me, for everyone. . . and it doesn't make sense.  But because of His love we can hope to say,

"God, you did everything you promised, and I’m thanking you with all my heart.  You pulled me from the brink of death, my feet from the cliff-edge of doom.  Now I stroll at leisure with God in the sunlit fields of life." (Psalm 56:12-13 MSG)