ALL OF THE THINGS (but mostly I'm graduating)

Not really. . . but in some ways it feels like it.  I have been putting off writing this not because I don't want to work through it, but there were still some tiny pieces that were shifting around in my brain, and now I think I mostly have everything sorted out enough to work through sorting it out, if that makes sense.  Also, I know there's a lot more in my head than what I'm about to write, but I'm trying to keep everything in a comprehensive narrative.  (Basically, I'm hoping to write a few entries over the next couple of weeks that really cover all of the things).

So, I recently completed all the requirements of my Master's degree and will officially graduate on May 5 (which, if you are in the Jacksonville area and have nothing better to do at 9:30 AM on a Saturday, come out to Trinity, I'm pretty sure it's free and there's no assigned seating)!  It took three years, as I began the journey in May of 2015.

But really, this journey began February 8th, 2015.

Cam's funeral was 2/7/15, and even going back to read some of my private writings. . . there are pieces I can relive quite clearly and other pieces that are still blurry.  But that Sunday, the day after, there was a clear call from God- love Me the way you loved your wife.  I can't remember the exact place I was in when I felt this, I am glad I documented it though, even if at the time I didn't recognize how deep that search was going to go (and still continues to go).  Because I was at an empty place in life.  My identity, wrapped up in roles, was gone, and I had to completely follow God.  I don't have definite proof, but I am 90% sure it was around the 27th that I began looking into pursuing a degree.  I know by mid-March I had told my in-laws that I was going to Trinity and move to Jacksonville, so it was a quick turn around.  I had gotten into the program and began taking online classes in May, just before my last month of teaching (ever?) ended.

I'm skipping ahead a little bit because I'm already feeling long-winded, but it was early July that I got both an audition scheduled at JU and met Matt and led music at Grace Life for the first time.  At that time, I figured I was only around for a little while at Grace Life, helping out in a tough situation but hoping to land somewhere more established and bigger so that I could heal hide.  For a little while I tried to get away by looking for churches that would pay me (as I was working at Wal-Mart until the university job kicked in), but none of it ever worked out.  And I was still actively taking classes.

And. . . again, fast forward a lot but here I am, completing the degree and still a part of Grace Life.  And it is here in this moment that I need to clear up a few misconceptions/inadvertent lies.  First, even though I have completed my degree, I have no intention of moving back to central Florida.  I mean, I sold our house about a year ago.  But more importantly, I have finally began to really see all of those things I was seeking from God, my identity and role and purpose and calling.  Second, I have no specific "use" for my degree from a career standpoint.  The pursuit of this Master's degree was never really to launch me into a specific place but at it's core initiation just a crazy man jumping into the arms of God and not knowing where it would lead me.  Third, there may be more schooling in the future. . . but not the immediate future.  Right now I'm trying to get my heart and mind focused on what is truly important.

Romans 8:28- And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.



I am not perfect.  I have not handled every step of the last 3+ years well.  I still have plenty to learn, and even more to apply.  But I know that God is good and does good.  I also have never believed in coincidences.  I believe rather in the sovereign working of a God who cares about all the details and actively engages in our lives.  Why am I saying this now?

Grace Life Church had her launch Sunday on February 8th, 2015.

You can't ask for anything cooler than that.