All of the swirling emotions

The grief rock is weird.  And this entry already feels scrambled.

September kicks off a 6 month period of crucial anniversaries, some happy and some not so much.  But I had the recognition that the past few weeks I've been dealing with mood swings again, and the timing lines up perfectly.  But awareness is the first step in being able to address an issue.  I have a pretty good rhythm going with this semester (which, part of it is there is more space because I'm finished with the master's degree; I forgot how time consuming that really was) but I'm also realizing that I'm not making the best choices in dealing with my emotions.  Some days I have done better than others, but at least I am fighting the tendency to isolate.  And I'm doing my best not to let a temporary emotional state control my actions as much as possible.

Last fall I did not do a good job of fighting well.  I think because I didn't want to deal with anything.  I had had a good stride going in life from January until sometime in early August, and then I chose to fill up my life with all of the things instead of dealing with anything.  And found myself empty and at the bottom of a dark hole by December.  So the first part of this year has been about recovering from that, and really the end of summer/beginning of this fall I think I finally back on the living track.

So all that being said, I was reminded of Psalm 139, particularly v. 11-12:

If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night,” even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you.

Whether I choose to live in darkness or light, that cannot separate me from God.





Side note- I had the feeling I've written something like this before.  And I have- May 2017.  And several things in some of my personal journals.  So. . . . yay consistency?