.posthidden {display:none} .postshown {display:inline} By His Own Hand. . .: Someone to watch over me

7/25/2022

Someone to watch over me

“What I’m trying to do here is get you to relax, not be so preoccupied with getting so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep yourself in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. Don’t be afraid of missing out. You’re my dearest friends! The Father wants to give you the very kingdom itself." Luke 12:29-32 MSG

It's been a whirlwind few weeks.  I've been to a wedding in Key West, I helped a friend get ready to move out of state, my computer died, I played two sets of auditions, I took on a couple more new students, and all of that was in just a span of six days.  Thankfully the other days around those were not quite so hectic, but still, I feel like I haven't completely caught up emotionally or physically from it all quite yet.

It's been a struggle to keep my eyes on Jesus through some of it, especially the computer situation (which I am still dealing with but losing hope that my hard drive can be accessed and my files restored).  As I've become more aware of myself and seeing what a difference physical things can have on your emotional self, nothing mind-blowing but just being hungry, tired, dehydrated, etc., and with my routines and schedule being out of sorts, there's definitely been some testing in dependence on God that I didn't do well with in the moment.  But as always, in reflection, it's easy to see how He has provided in those times, whether an unexpected meal on a crazy day or a listening ear to help release some of the pressure.

The phrase that I've been battling has been "I just want someone to take care of me."  In its simplest form, it's not necessarily a bad desire, and in the face of things that I've gone through in my life, the current situation is far better.  The potential double-edged sword of that argument, though, is that in the same way that one person's problem is another person's ease, and if it's a struggle for you then it's legitimately your struggle, does that then give me the grace to say that past me may not have struggled with this situation but those days are not these days? Or does present me needs to pull himself up by the bootstraps?  The second question is where I lose myself in thought the most, because I feel like I have worked hard and am working hard and maybe am gun-shy from the idea of being in survival mode because survival mode has been the majority of the past two (if not seven) years, and with the work I've done, especially in this past year, I'm happy to be in a much better place but also just so tired. And so it loops back around to I just want someone to take care of me.

And so what I've realized in the past couple days is that, in many ways and through many people, God provides everything we need.  God takes care of me.  And I know that, and I know that I know that, but I still have to keep preaching it to myself.  And it's not in a "years ago" sense, although that is also certainly true.  I don't have to look back more than 24 hours to see His provision for my needs.  And while it's true that I've been working out my salvation, it is God who works powerfully in me, through me, and sometimes in spite of me to continue to sustain me.  And the more I train myself to keep that perspective, the less the burden I carry.  So, I must make the effort to remind myself of the joy in the moment rather than letting it be first discovered upon reflection.

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” Matthew 11:28-30 MSG

No comments:

Post a Comment