The word for 2020

I set out to write tonight but I don't know exactly what I wanted to work through.  It's officially solo and ensemble season, I've three events happening over the next three weekends.  Because of that, my days have been more full than empty, which I hoped would help me fall asleep (which it has) and stay asleep (which it has not).  It is rather annoying to keep seeing midnight, 2 AM, 4 AM, 5 AM, but at this point I'm almost used to it.  I've actually used some of the time to do worthwhile stuff like laundry.  I guess if it happens again overnight I have some reading that I am having trouble imagining I'll have time to complete before the end of the month.

There is something that is left unsaid.  A word for this year, and it seems to be “redeem.”  I don’t know if I have used this word before, and at the moment I am writing on my phone so looking up old entries is difficult.  But what a great word, in the concept of time.  Redeeming my time in the car with a liturgy podcast; redeeming my physical life with running and praying; redeeming the sleepless night with prayer and seeking God.

But man is it hard.

It is easier to be angry.  To do mine numbing activities.  To seek comfort in food or intellectual activities or relationships.

So I fight against the temptations of life, knowing that God redeems me ultimately but also learning more and more that God redeems me daily.  His mercies are new every morning.

A last thought; I shared this with a friend but I need to share it with myself as well:

Lamentations 3 (MSG)
 22-24 God’s loyal love couldn’t have run out,
his merciful love couldn’t have dried up.
They’re created new every morning.
How great your faithfulness!
I’m sticking with God (I say it over and over).
He’s all I’ve got left.

 19-21 I’ll never forget the trouble, the utter lostness,
the taste of ashes, the poison I’ve swallowed.
I remember it all — oh, how well I remember —
the feeling of hitting the bottom.
But there’s one other thing I remember,
and remembering, I keep a grip on hope:

 25-27 God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits,
to the woman who diligently seeks.
It’s a good thing to quietly hope,
quietly hope for help from God.
It’s a good thing when you’re young
to stick it out through the hard times.

 28-30 When life is heavy and hard to take,
go off by yourself. Enter the silence.
Bow in prayer. Don’t ask questions:
Wait for hope to appear.
Don’t run from trouble. Take it full-face.
The “worst” is never the worst.

 31-33 Why? Because the Master won’t ever
walk out and fail to return.
If he works severely, he also works tenderly.
His stockpiles of loyal love are immense.
He takes no pleasure in making life hard,
in throwing roadblocks in the way:

 34-36 Stomping down hard
on luckless prisoners,
Refusing justice to victims
in the court of High God,
Tampering with evidence —
the Master does not approve of such things.