I had to go back and add more to this

*I tried to write last night but perhaps I should have waited since Sunday has been a recovery day for me for the past few weeks.  But anyway, I feel like I didn't get much accomplished so I'm just going back and adding some clarifying statements.

So I'm not quite to the timeline post yet but. . .

I have four days off for the first time since like March 10th.  I am also reexperiencing what I thought were sinus pressure/allergy related aches right below my eyes but since they are coming back and all I have is time in front of me until Thursday. I haven't had said aches at work even a few weeks ago, and that leads me to believe that they are stress aches, which brings me to this:

I hate to admit it to myself but working like a crazy person has just been good excuse to face the (lack of) music.

Today I should have been playing juries at UNF.  Last week was a couple recitals and finals week at JU.  May is a few days away.  Just trying to think through one of those things brings up a big 404-error in my brain and I don't quite know how to get past it at the moment.  Perhaps it's a defense mechanism?  Dissociation is a way for the brain to protect itself, but this is different than anything I have ever felt before.  And definitely the physical symptom is unnerving.  I realize this pandemic is a once in a lifetime thing, there's no guidebook to what is happening and so I don't have answers but I do have this to stimulate me hopefully in the next couple days-

Saturday's shift had the epitome of both worlds:

I felt accomplished for the first time in five weeks.  I ended up fixing four sections of wall that were "out of sequence" which basically meant all the produce was there but in random chutes, so I got to play scavenger hunt.  I got in at 18:15 and at 00:04 I had both walls up to snuff.  I threw my hands up in success!!.... . and nobody really cared.  And thankfully from midnight until the end of shift I had constant product on a bunch of different walls (21, then 8, 3, 5, 1, 11, 18. . . all within less than five hours which is a little silly).

If this job were always that second half, just boxing product in place, I would never think it's a chore. I guess I'm thankful for the more than average nights where I get moved around or doing singles or induct or whatever?  I don't know.

And really the point of all this: work goes Provedincially fast no matter what, but not thinking is such a big part of that that for the first time I really had to think, it went so slowly.
Related, I think this is why my normal musician life has less of this feeling of "12 hour days go fast!" because thankfully these Amazon shifts don't feel awful but the weird sense of 12 hours of music v. packing boxes are so different.  Meaningful v. meaninglessness.

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Ecclesiastes 12:13-14
The end of the matter; all has been heard. Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man or God will bring every deed into judgment, with every secret thing, whether good or evil.