Mood swings.
I'm sure I've talked about them before. But I think there are many people who may be facing them for the first time because of the situation coronavirus has put us in. And sometimes just recognizing what's going on emotionally is what allows us to take the first steps forward instead of just stagnating.
Because the thing is, we don't have to let our emotions control us. In the same breath we also have to understand that we don't have complete control over our emotions, especially in a time of crisis. So instead, one thing we can do is redefine our approach to emotions- rather than seeing the emotions as inherently positive or negative, we can see that our response to emotions can be negative or positive. Anger can be positive (like standing up for the rights of mistreated individuals); happiness can be negative (like rejoicing at the closure of a rival's business).
For me, there's some sadness this week. I should have ran a half marathon last Saturday, and I had been training for several weeks before the virus shut everything down. I should have been opening a cabaret tomorrow night, one of my favorite gigs because it's low time/high risk/high reward. The magic of making music with old and new faces in a short period of time is unique and exciting and I miss it. I could react to these both in a number of ways, but:
- I am choosing to recognize that God's timing of putting me in the midst of training put me in a good physical place to make a pretty seamless transition into a physically demanding job.
- I am choosing to see that I may be getting good at making boxes for people but I'm much better at making music with people.
- I am choosing to see the temporary nature of the situation and to both cherish the memories of what I have been able to experience and look forward with greater appreciation to the time where I will get to perform and collaborate again.
These choices don't make the sadness not sad- they make the sadness not negative.
The realm of the mind I think is also the realm of the spiritual. . . I don't have time to flesh all this out right now but these three passages (but particularly Romans 12:2) is the beginning of that conversation.
Galatians 5:16-24
But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.
Romans 12:1-2
I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.
Ephesians 6:10-18a
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication.
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I don't know if I expressed it here or somewhere else or just internally but soon after all this corona stuff started, for a couple weeks, the phrase I kept coming back to was "yeah I've been through hard times but this is not inspiring me to overcome; this is just taking the wind out of my sails."
What I've realized over the past few days is that it wasn't the wind that was taken. I had taken down my sails because the wind shifted.
My wife often said, "I feel God in the wind," enough so that I was gifted wind chimes after her death with a similar sentiment etched onto the paddle. I am having to remind myself that there's so much more than the what-is-in-front-of-me. There are no accidents and there are no coincidences. There is some value in physical training but value for all things in godliness, both the present and the future (1 Tim 4:8).
So I'm putting my sails back up, because I know Who controls the winds and the sea.
5/14/2020
5/05/2020
time is bendy
A few unfinished thoughts but I'm trying my best to keep putting something down so that my brain doesn't drown and/or just put things into the already overfull "we can think about this later" bin.
I proposed seven years ago (I was going to say today which seems true for me but technically it is yesterday now, Star Wars day, May the Fourth be with you, which is not why I did on that day, in fact it was literally that the jewelry shop let me know that the ring resizing for the engagement ring was finished and I literally dropped everything and picked it up and met with Cam's dad for lunch to ask permission to marry her and then picked her up and took her to Beresford where we had our first serious conversation and anyway it certainly made it easy to remember the date). Since that day, I went through a life where we were planning a long life together with a long engagement and a summer to honeymoon and find a house and take our time to do all the things. I then went through a life of returned cancer in a mass in her sternum and treatment plans that started after Thanksgiving and moving and downsizing the wedding because there were three weeks of relative freedom from treatment and planning to do a big party celebration later. Then there was Bone Marrow Transplant Life that I still can't wrap my mind around, both the process and even the coming home and becoming an untrained health care provider and cleaning all the things. And then there was the life immediately after her death and trying hard to follow God but also just trying to survive and now I'm in Jacksonville. And then there's been the past five years of living here and being a performer and a pastor and I'm still not really sure what I'm doing in either of those worlds. And now there's coronalife where I am working nightshift and wondering when this will all end and knowing that it won't "end" as much as it will slowly fizzle into an ultimate new normal that should last a good long while once this pandemic is under control.
So six lives in seven years. Pretty soon I'm going to be a cat.
The other thing is a couple days ago at work I had my first physical contact since this all happened. It was not anything crazy, I went to ask the rebin guy if he had seen sewing needles and between masks and wearing ear plugs and it's just loud in the warehouse he said "huh?" and put his arm around my shoulders as he leaned in to hear what I was saying. He was an older guy, it was a perfectly normal and somewhat fatherly gesture, and in any other circumstance I probably wouldn't have even seen it on my radar. But I had several reactions in a short period: comfort, concern, aversion, confusion about all of the previous. I'm a touch person, and in the correct context, even a stranger's touch is not anywhere near a red flag in my mind. But touch during this pandemic where we are told we are supposed to stay six feet apart (which even with the independent nature of as well as the physical distribution of people in my job is still almost impossible) is a strange thing.
And also related to that last thought, I bought a weighted blanket, and I love it, but it's strange. It certainly isn't human but it gives me a similar sensation to ASMR, except all over, and if I'm under it for a long time and then go to stand up I don't have complete control of my physical facilities for a little bit, which I sort of don't like. So it's nice to be under the blanket and just stay there, and I'm having to learn to only use it when I don't have to do much but sit in my recliner (whether I am working on my computer or on the phone or whatever. I made the mistake of getting under it before a shift and I was not ok until at least an hour into work).
I guess I'm looking forward to having two days off? I'm looking forward to not having responsibilities tomorrow at least. And I ended up as a down stacker so my body will appreciate two days to recover.
I proposed seven years ago (I was going to say today which seems true for me but technically it is yesterday now, Star Wars day, May the Fourth be with you, which is not why I did on that day, in fact it was literally that the jewelry shop let me know that the ring resizing for the engagement ring was finished and I literally dropped everything and picked it up and met with Cam's dad for lunch to ask permission to marry her and then picked her up and took her to Beresford where we had our first serious conversation and anyway it certainly made it easy to remember the date). Since that day, I went through a life where we were planning a long life together with a long engagement and a summer to honeymoon and find a house and take our time to do all the things. I then went through a life of returned cancer in a mass in her sternum and treatment plans that started after Thanksgiving and moving and downsizing the wedding because there were three weeks of relative freedom from treatment and planning to do a big party celebration later. Then there was Bone Marrow Transplant Life that I still can't wrap my mind around, both the process and even the coming home and becoming an untrained health care provider and cleaning all the things. And then there was the life immediately after her death and trying hard to follow God but also just trying to survive and now I'm in Jacksonville. And then there's been the past five years of living here and being a performer and a pastor and I'm still not really sure what I'm doing in either of those worlds. And now there's coronalife where I am working nightshift and wondering when this will all end and knowing that it won't "end" as much as it will slowly fizzle into an ultimate new normal that should last a good long while once this pandemic is under control.
So six lives in seven years. Pretty soon I'm going to be a cat.
The other thing is a couple days ago at work I had my first physical contact since this all happened. It was not anything crazy, I went to ask the rebin guy if he had seen sewing needles and between masks and wearing ear plugs and it's just loud in the warehouse he said "huh?" and put his arm around my shoulders as he leaned in to hear what I was saying. He was an older guy, it was a perfectly normal and somewhat fatherly gesture, and in any other circumstance I probably wouldn't have even seen it on my radar. But I had several reactions in a short period: comfort, concern, aversion, confusion about all of the previous. I'm a touch person, and in the correct context, even a stranger's touch is not anywhere near a red flag in my mind. But touch during this pandemic where we are told we are supposed to stay six feet apart (which even with the independent nature of as well as the physical distribution of people in my job is still almost impossible) is a strange thing.
And also related to that last thought, I bought a weighted blanket, and I love it, but it's strange. It certainly isn't human but it gives me a similar sensation to ASMR, except all over, and if I'm under it for a long time and then go to stand up I don't have complete control of my physical facilities for a little bit, which I sort of don't like. So it's nice to be under the blanket and just stay there, and I'm having to learn to only use it when I don't have to do much but sit in my recliner (whether I am working on my computer or on the phone or whatever. I made the mistake of getting under it before a shift and I was not ok until at least an hour into work).
I guess I'm looking forward to having two days off? I'm looking forward to not having responsibilities tomorrow at least. And I ended up as a down stacker so my body will appreciate two days to recover.
4/26/2020
I had to go back and add more to this
*I tried to write last night but perhaps I should have waited since Sunday has been a recovery day for me for the past few weeks. But anyway, I feel like I didn't get much accomplished so I'm just going back and adding some clarifying statements.
So I'm not quite to the timeline post yet but. . .
I have four days off for the first time since like March 10th. I am also reexperiencing what I thought were sinus pressure/allergy related aches right below my eyes but since they are coming back and all I have is time in front of me until Thursday. I haven't had said aches at work even a few weeks ago, and that leads me to believe that they are stress aches, which brings me to this:
I hate to admit it to myself but working like a crazy person has just been good excuse to face the (lack of) music.
Today I should have been playing juries at UNF. Last week was a couple recitals and finals week at JU. May is a few days away. Just trying to think through one of those things brings up a big 404-error in my brain and I don't quite know how to get past it at the moment. Perhaps it's a defense mechanism? Dissociation is a way for the brain to protect itself, but this is different than anything I have ever felt before. And definitely the physical symptom is unnerving. I realize this pandemic is a once in a lifetime thing, there's no guidebook to what is happening and so I don't have answers but I do have this to stimulate me hopefully in the next couple days-
Saturday's shift had the epitome of both worlds:
I felt accomplished for the first time in five weeks. I ended up fixing four sections of wall that were "out of sequence" which basically meant all the produce was there but in random chutes, so I got to play scavenger hunt. I got in at 18:15 and at 00:04 I had both walls up to snuff. I threw my hands up in success!!.... . and nobody really cared. And thankfully from midnight until the end of shift I had constant product on a bunch of different walls (21, then 8, 3, 5, 1, 11, 18. . . all within less than five hours which is a little silly).
If this job were always that second half, just boxing product in place, I would never think it's a chore. I guess I'm thankful for the more than average nights where I get moved around or doing singles or induct or whatever? I don't know.
And really the point of all this: work goes Provedincially fast no matter what, but not thinking is such a big part of that that for the first time I really had to think, it went so slowly.
Related, I think this is why my normal musician life has less of this feeling of "12 hour days go fast!" because thankfully these Amazon shifts don't feel awful but the weird sense of 12 hours of music v. packing boxes are so different. Meaningful v. meaninglessness.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ecclesiastes 12:13-14
The end of the matter; all has been heard. Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man or God will bring every deed into judgment, with every secret thing, whether good or evil.
So I'm not quite to the timeline post yet but. . .
I have four days off for the first time since like March 10th. I am also reexperiencing what I thought were sinus pressure/allergy related aches right below my eyes but since they are coming back and all I have is time in front of me until Thursday. I haven't had said aches at work even a few weeks ago, and that leads me to believe that they are stress aches, which brings me to this:
I hate to admit it to myself but working like a crazy person has just been good excuse to face the (lack of) music.
Today I should have been playing juries at UNF. Last week was a couple recitals and finals week at JU. May is a few days away. Just trying to think through one of those things brings up a big 404-error in my brain and I don't quite know how to get past it at the moment. Perhaps it's a defense mechanism? Dissociation is a way for the brain to protect itself, but this is different than anything I have ever felt before. And definitely the physical symptom is unnerving. I realize this pandemic is a once in a lifetime thing, there's no guidebook to what is happening and so I don't have answers but I do have this to stimulate me hopefully in the next couple days-
Saturday's shift had the epitome of both worlds:
I felt accomplished for the first time in five weeks. I ended up fixing four sections of wall that were "out of sequence" which basically meant all the produce was there but in random chutes, so I got to play scavenger hunt. I got in at 18:15 and at 00:04 I had both walls up to snuff. I threw my hands up in success!!.... . and nobody really cared. And thankfully from midnight until the end of shift I had constant product on a bunch of different walls (21, then 8, 3, 5, 1, 11, 18. . . all within less than five hours which is a little silly).
If this job were always that second half, just boxing product in place, I would never think it's a chore. I guess I'm thankful for the more than average nights where I get moved around or doing singles or induct or whatever? I don't know.
And really the point of all this: work goes Provedincially fast no matter what, but not thinking is such a big part of that that for the first time I really had to think, it went so slowly.
Related, I think this is why my normal musician life has less of this feeling of "12 hour days go fast!" because thankfully these Amazon shifts don't feel awful but the weird sense of 12 hours of music v. packing boxes are so different. Meaningful v. meaninglessness.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ecclesiastes 12:13-14
The end of the matter; all has been heard. Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man or God will bring every deed into judgment, with every secret thing, whether good or evil.
4/22/2020
We're going to miss our show
So I still haven't completed my timeline, but I do know that I am currently at the end of four full weeks/in the middle of the fifth week at Amazon (I started March 26 but my work week starts on Thursday so I don't know which way I prefer to think of it). And that is insane. As always in these things, it feels both not long enough and also like what other life did I ever live before this?
Let's go on a journey, a journey throughout time- a time that's changing all the time, it's time to go to time.
It's not a bad job. I said that I could do it as long as I need and I still stand by that, but at the moment I'm imaging that July is when I will start to get back to "real life." What makes this whole situation we are all in so difficult to deal with is that there is no definite end date yet. And even more so, that "definite" end date is not "hey everything is back to how it was!" It's simply not going to go back to that. Even as we open things back up, there will be ripples and echoes of what we are doing now.
At the first in person church, will we be wearing masks?
Will we be performing recitals capped not by the seats in the hall but by how we can social distance in the space?
How can those who are untested and without symptoms move about confidently without fear of accidentally spreading the virus should they be contagious but asymptomatic, and how will that change the social approach of life? Do we get white C's for those who are officially out of the disease and those who haven't been tested red U's?
The last is a little extreme. But just some interesting thoughts.
Unrelated, but something I never noticed before:
Titus 2:11-14
For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, 12 training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works.
We get the benefit, but God gets the glory, and that's pretty cool.
Let's go on a journey, a journey throughout time- a time that's changing all the time, it's time to go to time.
It's not a bad job. I said that I could do it as long as I need and I still stand by that, but at the moment I'm imaging that July is when I will start to get back to "real life." What makes this whole situation we are all in so difficult to deal with is that there is no definite end date yet. And even more so, that "definite" end date is not "hey everything is back to how it was!" It's simply not going to go back to that. Even as we open things back up, there will be ripples and echoes of what we are doing now.
At the first in person church, will we be wearing masks?
Will we be performing recitals capped not by the seats in the hall but by how we can social distance in the space?
How can those who are untested and without symptoms move about confidently without fear of accidentally spreading the virus should they be contagious but asymptomatic, and how will that change the social approach of life? Do we get white C's for those who are officially out of the disease and those who haven't been tested red U's?
The last is a little extreme. But just some interesting thoughts.
Unrelated, but something I never noticed before:
Titus 2:11-14
For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, 12 training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works.
We get the benefit, but God gets the glory, and that's pretty cool.
4/20/2020
politics v. faith, in light of the virus
For the Christian, the coronavirus and your response to it should not be primarily a political issue. It is a Gospel issue.
This in the context of what we are facing is what I've been wrestling with:
Titus 3:1-2, 8-9
Remind them to be submissive to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready for every good work, to speak evil of no one, to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy toward all people. . . the saying is trustworthy, and I want you to insist on these things, so that those who have believed in God may be careful to devote themselves to good works. These things are excellent and profitable for people. But avoid foolish controversies, genealogies, dissensions, and quarrels about the law, for they are unprofitable and worthless.
So for those followers of Jesus reading this, here are some verses to consider as we face the next few weeks (all emphasis mine throughout):
Romans 13:1-2
Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God. Therefore whoever resists the authorities resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment.
These are God's words, given to us in order to see His glory in all things. Looking at this passage, it is NOT saying that if the government tells us to do something that is against God's commands to us, we should submit anyway. This Scripture has been used out of context throughout history and I don't want to make that same fault.
However. . .
Paul is talking to believers dealing with a political climate in which they could be persecuted and die for living out their faith. In contrast, we are being asked to stay in our homes for a few weeks. If we believe God is sovereign, then we need to recognize that He holds our entire life in His hands- our livelihoods, our families, our country, everything. He provides everything we need and blesses us beyond that. So we don't have to live in fear of what is going on; I am currently working in an environment where the virus has been confirmed in peoples' lives, but I'm not afraid of the virus because I know who holds my future! I also know He gave me a brain and I do not want to be a contributing factor to spreading this virus before we as finite humans can understand what's happening. So as much as I hate wearing a mask and avoiding human contact, I have to trust that God is accomplishing what He desires for my life. Part of that is submitting to and recognizing God's ultimate sovereignty, and a part of that sovereignty is in those people who have been put in place as governing authorities above us.
This passage goes on to say-
Romans 13:3-7
Therefore whoever resists the authorities resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment. For rulers are not a terror to good conduct, but to bad. Would you have no fear of the one who is in authority? Then do what is good, and you will receive his approval, for he is God's servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword in vain. For he is the servant of God, an avenger who carries out God's wrath on the wrongdoer. Therefore one must be in subjection, not only to avoid God's wrath but also for the sake of conscience. For because of this you also pay taxes, for the authorities are ministers of God, attending to this very thing. Pay to all what is owed to them: taxes to whom taxes are owed, revenue to whom revenue is owed, respect to whom respect is owed, honor to whom honor is owed.
Whether or not we agree with the city counsel, mayor, state governor, or our President is irrelevant. Personal beliefs are not greater than God's sovereignty in the people who are currently in place making decisions. The desire for preserving American freedom is a good thing (I mean, our government is not arresting us for online church!), but we must also remember the true freedom that we have been given in Christ-
1 Peter 2:13-17
Be subject for the Lord's sake to every human institution, whether it be to the emperor as supreme, or to governors as sent by him to punish those who do evil and to praise those who do good. For this is the will of God, that by doing good you should put to silence the ignorance of foolish people. Live as people who are free, not using your freedom as a cover-up for evil, but living as servants of God. Honor everyone. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the emperor.
Peter here does not give an out. If anything. the out here is the will of God, and His will is that we do good in spite of what is going on. He makes the statement of "honor everyone" and then re-emphasizes "honor the emperor." Perhaps this is because we are in the flesh so apt to judge the persons put in charge of our government?
Also, I don't think the context is accidental here-
1 Peter 2:9-12
But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light. Once you were not a people, but now you are God's people; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy. Beloved, I urge you as sojourners and exiles to abstain from the passions of the flesh, which wage war against your soul. Keep your conduct among the Gentiles honorable, so that when they speak against you as evildoers, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day of visitation.
As Christians we ought to be living a life that contrasts the people around us. We know the end of this story, whether Jesus comes back or what awaits us at our last breath. We should have confidence in the hope of resurrection with Christ. And what that means for us in this moment is that we should be willing and burdened to share the hope of the Gospel with people who are anxious, depressed, hopeless without any way to look at the short-term reality of coronavirus life. We should be seen as calm, secure, and confident in the God of the universe Who holds every moment of our lives. The last bit definitely harkens back to the sermon on the mount when Jesus says "You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven."
I understand that this is tough, because "my choice to go hang out with family and friends, to protest, to live my life the way I know is best is not a bad thing- it's simply my right as an American!" Yes, it is our "right" as American citizens. But let us not forget that we are ultimately citizens of heaven. To openly defy government orders that ultimately do not go against God's commands in our lives is not right in light of all the Scriptural evidence above. But I get it. We want to be able to plan our lives, to anticipate the end of this virus, to go out and be human again; but James addresses this concept-
James 4:13-16
Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit”— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.” As it is, you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil.
Is life difficult at the moment? Yes, absolutely. So much. I can certainly say that my personal and professional lives have been completely upended. I'm not alone in this. But God has provided for me in His sovereignty so that I can continue life in the way He desires, and I'm learning what my desire for physicality and His provision of His grace and presence really means.
So. . . what can we do?
In being submissive: to follow the social orders being subjected on us, to recognize that our personal freedoms are not more important than the greater good as we consider Christ's attitude toward the cross (not my will but Yours be done)
In obeying God: to not let this virus allow us to fall into easy sinful behaviors that would otherwise not be accessible except in slowing doing or isolation, and to see God's hand in the decisions that don't jive with our predispositions
In readying for good works: to reach out to our neighbors, our families, our coworkers with the hope of the Gospel and providing physical needs in their dire situations, giving glory to God for our ability to provide and also in His providence to serve them and tell them of His glory and hope
This resource has been really helpful for me: https://www.desiringgod.org/books/coronavirus-and-christ
As you post on social media, as you make choices for your family, as you respond to the next steps we take in this corona climate, remember Who is in control of all of this.
This in the context of what we are facing is what I've been wrestling with:
Titus 3:1-2, 8-9
Remind them to be submissive to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready for every good work, to speak evil of no one, to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy toward all people. . . the saying is trustworthy, and I want you to insist on these things, so that those who have believed in God may be careful to devote themselves to good works. These things are excellent and profitable for people. But avoid foolish controversies, genealogies, dissensions, and quarrels about the law, for they are unprofitable and worthless.
So for those followers of Jesus reading this, here are some verses to consider as we face the next few weeks (all emphasis mine throughout):
Romans 13:1-2
Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God. Therefore whoever resists the authorities resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment.
These are God's words, given to us in order to see His glory in all things. Looking at this passage, it is NOT saying that if the government tells us to do something that is against God's commands to us, we should submit anyway. This Scripture has been used out of context throughout history and I don't want to make that same fault.
However. . .
Paul is talking to believers dealing with a political climate in which they could be persecuted and die for living out their faith. In contrast, we are being asked to stay in our homes for a few weeks. If we believe God is sovereign, then we need to recognize that He holds our entire life in His hands- our livelihoods, our families, our country, everything. He provides everything we need and blesses us beyond that. So we don't have to live in fear of what is going on; I am currently working in an environment where the virus has been confirmed in peoples' lives, but I'm not afraid of the virus because I know who holds my future! I also know He gave me a brain and I do not want to be a contributing factor to spreading this virus before we as finite humans can understand what's happening. So as much as I hate wearing a mask and avoiding human contact, I have to trust that God is accomplishing what He desires for my life. Part of that is submitting to and recognizing God's ultimate sovereignty, and a part of that sovereignty is in those people who have been put in place as governing authorities above us.
This passage goes on to say-
Romans 13:3-7
Therefore whoever resists the authorities resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment. For rulers are not a terror to good conduct, but to bad. Would you have no fear of the one who is in authority? Then do what is good, and you will receive his approval, for he is God's servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword in vain. For he is the servant of God, an avenger who carries out God's wrath on the wrongdoer. Therefore one must be in subjection, not only to avoid God's wrath but also for the sake of conscience. For because of this you also pay taxes, for the authorities are ministers of God, attending to this very thing. Pay to all what is owed to them: taxes to whom taxes are owed, revenue to whom revenue is owed, respect to whom respect is owed, honor to whom honor is owed.
Whether or not we agree with the city counsel, mayor, state governor, or our President is irrelevant. Personal beliefs are not greater than God's sovereignty in the people who are currently in place making decisions. The desire for preserving American freedom is a good thing (I mean, our government is not arresting us for online church!), but we must also remember the true freedom that we have been given in Christ-
1 Peter 2:13-17
Be subject for the Lord's sake to every human institution, whether it be to the emperor as supreme, or to governors as sent by him to punish those who do evil and to praise those who do good. For this is the will of God, that by doing good you should put to silence the ignorance of foolish people. Live as people who are free, not using your freedom as a cover-up for evil, but living as servants of God. Honor everyone. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the emperor.
Peter here does not give an out. If anything. the out here is the will of God, and His will is that we do good in spite of what is going on. He makes the statement of "honor everyone" and then re-emphasizes "honor the emperor." Perhaps this is because we are in the flesh so apt to judge the persons put in charge of our government?
Also, I don't think the context is accidental here-
1 Peter 2:9-12
But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light. Once you were not a people, but now you are God's people; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy. Beloved, I urge you as sojourners and exiles to abstain from the passions of the flesh, which wage war against your soul. Keep your conduct among the Gentiles honorable, so that when they speak against you as evildoers, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day of visitation.
As Christians we ought to be living a life that contrasts the people around us. We know the end of this story, whether Jesus comes back or what awaits us at our last breath. We should have confidence in the hope of resurrection with Christ. And what that means for us in this moment is that we should be willing and burdened to share the hope of the Gospel with people who are anxious, depressed, hopeless without any way to look at the short-term reality of coronavirus life. We should be seen as calm, secure, and confident in the God of the universe Who holds every moment of our lives. The last bit definitely harkens back to the sermon on the mount when Jesus says "You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven."
I understand that this is tough, because "my choice to go hang out with family and friends, to protest, to live my life the way I know is best is not a bad thing- it's simply my right as an American!" Yes, it is our "right" as American citizens. But let us not forget that we are ultimately citizens of heaven. To openly defy government orders that ultimately do not go against God's commands in our lives is not right in light of all the Scriptural evidence above. But I get it. We want to be able to plan our lives, to anticipate the end of this virus, to go out and be human again; but James addresses this concept-
James 4:13-16
Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit”— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.” As it is, you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil.
Is life difficult at the moment? Yes, absolutely. So much. I can certainly say that my personal and professional lives have been completely upended. I'm not alone in this. But God has provided for me in His sovereignty so that I can continue life in the way He desires, and I'm learning what my desire for physicality and His provision of His grace and presence really means.
So. . . what can we do?
In being submissive: to follow the social orders being subjected on us, to recognize that our personal freedoms are not more important than the greater good as we consider Christ's attitude toward the cross (not my will but Yours be done)
In obeying God: to not let this virus allow us to fall into easy sinful behaviors that would otherwise not be accessible except in slowing doing or isolation, and to see God's hand in the decisions that don't jive with our predispositions
In readying for good works: to reach out to our neighbors, our families, our coworkers with the hope of the Gospel and providing physical needs in their dire situations, giving glory to God for our ability to provide and also in His providence to serve them and tell them of His glory and hope
This resource has been really helpful for me: https://www.desiringgod.org/books/coronavirus-and-christ
As you post on social media, as you make choices for your family, as you respond to the next steps we take in this corona climate, remember Who is in control of all of this.
For the Christian, the coronavirus and your response to it should not be primarily a political issue. It is a Gospel issue.
This in the context of what we are facing is what I've been wrestling with:
Titus 3:1-2, 8-9
Remind them to be submissive to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready for every good work, to speak evil of no one, to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy toward all people. . . the saying is trustworthy, and I want you to insist on these things, so that those who have believed in God may be careful to devote themselves to good works. These things are excellent and profitable for people. But avoid foolish controversies, genealogies, dissensions, and quarrels about the law, for they are unprofitable and worthless.
So for those followers of Jesus reading this, here are some verses to consider as we face the next few weeks (all emphasis mine throughout):
Romans 13:1-2
Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God. Therefore whoever resists the authorities resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment.
These are God's words, given to us in order to see His glory in all things. Looking at this passage, it is NOT saying that if the government tells us to do something that is against God's commands to us, we should submit anyway. This Scripture has been used out of context throughout history and I don't want to make that same fault.
However. . .
Paul is talking to believers dealing with a political climate in which they could be persecuted and die for living out their faith. In contrast, we are being asked to stay in our homes for a few weeks. If we believe God is sovereign, then we need to recognize that He holds our entire life in His hands- our livelihoods, our families, our country, everything. He provides everything we need and blesses us beyond that. So we don't have to live in fear of what is going on; I am currently working in an environment where the virus has been confirmed in peoples' lives, but I'm not afraid of the virus because I know who holds my future! I also know He gave me a brain and I do not want to be a contributing factor to spreading this virus before we as finite humans can understand what's happening. So as much as I hate wearing a mask and avoiding human contact, I have to trust that God is accomplishing what He desires for my life. Part of that is submitting to and recognizing God's ultimate sovereignty, and a part of that sovereignty is in those people who have been put in place as governing authorities above us.
This passage goes on to say-
Romans 13:3-7
Therefore whoever resists the authorities resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment. For rulers are not a terror to good conduct, but to bad. Would you have no fear of the one who is in authority? Then do what is good, and you will receive his approval, for he is God's servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword in vain. For he is the servant of God, an avenger who carries out God's wrath on the wrongdoer. Therefore one must be in subjection, not only to avoid God's wrath but also for the sake of conscience. For because of this you also pay taxes, for the authorities are ministers of God, attending to this very thing. Pay to all what is owed to them: taxes to whom taxes are owed, revenue to whom revenue is owed, respect to whom respect is owed, honor to whom honor is owed.
Whether or not we agree with the city counsel, mayor, state governor, or our President is irrelevant. Personal beliefs are not greater than God's sovereignty in the people who are currently in place making decisions. The desire for preserving American freedom is a good thing (I mean, our government is not arresting us for online church!), but we must also remember the true freedom that we have been given in Christ-
1 Peter 2:13-17
Be subject for the Lord's sake to every human institution, whether it be to the emperor as supreme, or to governors as sent by him to punish those who do evil and to praise those who do good. For this is the will of God, that by doing good you should put to silence the ignorance of foolish people. Live as people who are free, not using your freedom as a cover-up for evil, but living as servants of God. Honor everyone. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the emperor.
Peter here does not give an out. If anything. the out here is the will of God, and His will is that we do good in spite of what is going on. He makes the statement of "honor everyone" and then re-emphasizes "honor the emperor." Perhaps this is because we are in the flesh so apt to judge the persons put in charge of our government?
Also, I don't think the context is accidental here-
1 Peter 2:9-12
But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light. Once you were not a people, but now you are God's people; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy. Beloved, I urge you as sojourners and exiles to abstain from the passions of the flesh, which wage war against your soul. Keep your conduct among the Gentiles honorable, so that when they speak against you as evildoers, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day of visitation.
As Christians we ought to be living a life that contrasts the people around us. We know the end of this story, whether Jesus comes back or what awaits us at our last breath. We should have confidence in the hope of resurrection with Christ. And what that means for us in this moment is that we should be willing and burdened to share the hope of the Gospel with people who are anxious, depressed, hopeless without any way to look at the short-term reality of coronavirus life. We should be seen as calm, secure, and confident in the God of the universe Who holds every moment of our lives. The last bit definitely harkens back to the sermon on the mount when Jesus says "You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven."
I understand that this is tough, because "my choice to go hang out with family and friends, to protest, to live my life the way I know is best is not a bad thing- it's simply my right as an American!" Yes, it is our "right" as American citizens. But let us not forget that we are ultimately citizens of heaven. To openly defy government orders that do not go against God's commands in our lives is not right in light of all the Scriptural evidence above. But I get it. We want to be able to plan our lives, to anticipate the end of this virus, to go out and be human again; but James addresses this concept-
James 4:13-16
Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit”— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.” As it is, you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil.
Is life difficult at the moment? Yes, absolutely. So much. I haven't had a real hug/significant human physical contact since March 24, which between extroversion and being a touchy person is insane, and financially I'm out several thousand dollars in gigs at the moment (only March and April cancellations currently and May isn't looking good). I know I'm not alone in this. But God has provided for me in His sovereignty so that I can continue life in the way He desires, and I'm learning what my desire for physicality and His provision of His grace and presence really means.
So. . . what can we do?
In being submissive: to follow the social orders being subjected on us, to recognize that our personal freedoms are not more important than the greater good as we consider Christ's attitude toward the cross (not my will but Yours be done)
In obeying God: to not let this virus allow us to fall into easy sinful behaviors that would otherwise not be accessible except in slowing doing or isolation, and to see God's hand in the decisions that don't jive with our predispositions
In readying for good works: to reach out to our neighbors, our families, our coworkers with the hope of the Gospel and providing physical needs in their dire situations, giving glory to God for our ability to provide and also in His providence to serve them and tell them of His glory and hope
This resource has been really helpful for me: https://www.desiringgod.org/books/coronavirus-and-christ
As you post on social media, as you make choices for your family, as you respond to the next steps we take in this corona climate, remember Who is in control of all of this.
4/14/2020
Some random thoughts
Work affords me a lot of introspection to a point. . .but nothing made to completion. So here are some random unfinished thoughts about work.
- Amazon is going well. I'm thankful for something to do, but I also know that it's keeping me from facing all of reality; I'm still floating a bit. I'd rather not be but also I know it's an emotional defense mechanism.
- I feel like part of why I'm doing well enough at this job is because I'm a musician and I understand intrinsically how practicing works. You do things repeatedly at a slow speed and gradually increase the tempo. . . and after you're at a solid place you go back and do it slow again to reinforce the goodness. . .
- My immediate arrow prayer life is greatly enhanced. Silly things like thanking God that I grabbed enough dunnage or recognizing the provision of boxes when I wasn't looking for it. My long term prayer life goes in and out. The time I notice the most is in the days off when the rest of the world sleeps, it happens around 12/1 AM. I've realized that I just do what I have to or try and just pass the time with distractions instead of using at least some of the quiet time to really reflect and connect. But I am praying so much at work that it's not like it's not happening at all? I dunno.
- Honestly I wonder if the speed of the shifts and my positive attitude towards is all is really just the peace that passes all understanding.
- Amazon is going well. I'm thankful for something to do, but I also know that it's keeping me from facing all of reality; I'm still floating a bit. I'd rather not be but also I know it's an emotional defense mechanism.
- I feel like part of why I'm doing well enough at this job is because I'm a musician and I understand intrinsically how practicing works. You do things repeatedly at a slow speed and gradually increase the tempo. . . and after you're at a solid place you go back and do it slow again to reinforce the goodness. . .
- My immediate arrow prayer life is greatly enhanced. Silly things like thanking God that I grabbed enough dunnage or recognizing the provision of boxes when I wasn't looking for it. My long term prayer life goes in and out. The time I notice the most is in the days off when the rest of the world sleeps, it happens around 12/1 AM. I've realized that I just do what I have to or try and just pass the time with distractions instead of using at least some of the quiet time to really reflect and connect. But I am praying so much at work that it's not like it's not happening at all? I dunno.
- Honestly I wonder if the speed of the shifts and my positive attitude towards is all is really just the peace that passes all understanding.
4/08/2020
Investing in the heart bank
I said last night that my heart didn't have the correct currency. You know what heart change is?
Repentance.
Psalm 25
To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul. O my God, in you I trust; let me not be put to shame; let not my enemies exult over me, Indeed, none who wait for you shall be put to shame; they shall be ashamed who are wantonly treacherous.
Make me to know your ways, O Lord; teach me your paths, Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long.
Remember your mercy, O Lord, and your steadfast love, for they have been from of old. Remember not the sins of my youth or my transgressions; according to your steadfast love remember me, for the sake of your goodness, O Lord!
Good and upright is the Lord; therefore he instructs sinners in the way. He leads the humble in what is right, and teaches the humble his way. All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness, for those who keep his covenant and his testimonies.
For your name's sake, O Lord, pardon my guilt, for it is great. Who is the man who fears the Lord? Him will he instruct in the way that he should choose. His soul shall abide in well-being, and his offspring shall inherit the land. The friendship of the Lord is for those who fear him, and he makes known to them his covenant. My eyes are ever toward the Lord, for he will pluck my feet out of the net.
Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. The troubles of my heart are enlarged; bring me out of my distresses. Consider my affliction and my trouble, and forgive all my sins. Consider how many are my foes, and with what violent hatred they hate me. Oh, guard my soul, and deliver me! Let me not be put to shame, for I take refuge in you. May integrity and uprightness preserve me, for I wait for you.
Redeem Israel, O God, out of all his troubles.
My hope doesn't lie in job or financial security, or health, or how many friends I have, or my reputation, or my ability to keep pushing forward. My hope lies in Jesus, who saved me from my inability to save myself, who made a way for me to be able to connect directly with God through his righteousness, who is preparing a place for me at the end of this life whenever it comes, who works in me currently as I work out my salvation.
Repentance.
Psalm 25
To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul. O my God, in you I trust; let me not be put to shame; let not my enemies exult over me, Indeed, none who wait for you shall be put to shame; they shall be ashamed who are wantonly treacherous.
Make me to know your ways, O Lord; teach me your paths, Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long.
Remember your mercy, O Lord, and your steadfast love, for they have been from of old. Remember not the sins of my youth or my transgressions; according to your steadfast love remember me, for the sake of your goodness, O Lord!
Good and upright is the Lord; therefore he instructs sinners in the way. He leads the humble in what is right, and teaches the humble his way. All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness, for those who keep his covenant and his testimonies.
For your name's sake, O Lord, pardon my guilt, for it is great. Who is the man who fears the Lord? Him will he instruct in the way that he should choose. His soul shall abide in well-being, and his offspring shall inherit the land. The friendship of the Lord is for those who fear him, and he makes known to them his covenant. My eyes are ever toward the Lord, for he will pluck my feet out of the net.
Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. The troubles of my heart are enlarged; bring me out of my distresses. Consider my affliction and my trouble, and forgive all my sins. Consider how many are my foes, and with what violent hatred they hate me. Oh, guard my soul, and deliver me! Let me not be put to shame, for I take refuge in you. May integrity and uprightness preserve me, for I wait for you.
Redeem Israel, O God, out of all his troubles.
My hope doesn't lie in job or financial security, or health, or how many friends I have, or my reputation, or my ability to keep pushing forward. My hope lies in Jesus, who saved me from my inability to save myself, who made a way for me to be able to connect directly with God through his righteousness, who is preparing a place for me at the end of this life whenever it comes, who works in me currently as I work out my salvation.
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