Day 10: The Heart of Worship

I don't think I really mentioned this before, but I'm so glad that I have a definition of "worship" now. It helps me to make sense of a lot of things.

I have All-County Band rehearsals tonight and Thursday night, so hopefully I can still get entries in without having to do any hand-written stuff like I did for FMEA. I shouldn't have a problem today, but if you don't see an entry Thursday, you know why.

LATER: I AM SO GLAD I WENT TO THAT REHEARSAL. And I get to do it again Thursday evening!!!!!!! :) :) :) I've forgotten how much I missed band. Don't get me wrong, I love my students, but the level of musicianship and just experience at an All-County event is obviously more impressive than after school beginning band. I just stayed back with the percussion the whole time and gave them tips about how to play the instruments or the music better. They all listened to me (I did their auditions, so they probably remembered me) and improved on the things I told them. It validated me as a band director again, even if I'm the only one who took notice. I was dancing all over the place too, but you know, music is so physical, and especially percussion, and I just couldn't help myself. They all probably think I'm crazy, but I think they also all respected the fact that I knew what I was talking about. It was so much fun. I hope I never forget what an amazing job I have and never become complacent or egotistical as an educator.

OK, it's going to be a bit of a task to get myself to focus and finish this entry, but I will do my best. . .

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The negative connotation our society gives to "surrender" sometimes pushes people away from religion, especially when they don't see much of the vast picture. I feel that, although they may not express it after visiting a church, people often are afraid of being "brainwashed" or "controlled" and becoming some kind of cult zombie. Either that, or they feel like they are being scared into it by the pastor yelling at the front about eternal damnation (sometimes the Church has great intentions but fails at delivering, and it makes me sad to think that people aren't being reached because we (the Church again) are trying to make others change their minds and lives in their first visit to church. Can we affect them, plant a seed? No, by ourselves we can't, but if we allow God to use us, well, anything is possible. Sometimes I feel like we're so busy trying to "save" everyone that we aren't doing it with the right heart. I saw this not too long ago, and it goes along with what I was saying.



I just put a video into my parenthetical interruption. I rock! Except now you have to go back and read before the parenthesis to see what I was even talking about originally). But, as the book says, we surrender in love, not fear or duty.

I think I might go back and start rereading through Romans. I've found it to be one of my favorites books, and since it's mentioned in here, it might have some good stuff for me to rediscover.

Three barriers=organization!

First is fear. It's strange to think that anyone who has Jesus in their life should be afraid of anything! But unfortunately, we're human. We have limited abilities and limited foresight, and even the things we feel 99% sure about still have that 1% of doubt. And that 1% is enough to gnaw away at the 99%, leaving us feeling quite uneasy. (continued after the rehearsal) And what do we do when we are afraid? We find something to comfort us. Are we always finding comfort in God's arms? Because if we are, then the fear thing really goes out the window. When I finally get around to adding in all the verses each chapter mentions (I'll probably do that this weekend), there's a great list about the proof of God's love.

Second is pride. I think the most powerful statement in this section of the book was when it said we can accept our humanness intellectually but not emotionally. Everyone can rationalize things like, "I do not have the ability to fly," or, "I cannot control the thoughts of (fill in the person)." Don't those thoughts make us angry or sad, even though we know that it's just part of being a human being? I mean, I wish I could express myself with words better and not be so ramble-y, but I think that's just one of my "human" obstacles that I'll have to deal with my entire life. And you know, it's OK, because God made me this way. So even though it takes me 3 extra minutes to tell a 30-second story (and even though I type parenthetical commentary that becomes a distraction more than anything else), I have to realize that God can and will use me if I let Him.

Finally (hahaha) the book says that confusion sometimes keeps us from surrendering. I think I'm still dealing with this idea of giving everything over gives us freedom. I understand the concept, but I guess I just haven't reached that point of maturity to really give everything up. I'm waiting for that "aha!" moment. . . I don't want to say that "I know it's close," but I do feel like I'm on the way there. I think my daily Bible reading is helping in that process, too. The book makes a good point about how saying "No, Lord," is a contradiction (because calling Him "Lord" and disobeying Him do not jive). But sometimes it's hard to give up control, especially when you want things to go a certain way. I've got to work on focusing my mind on what God wants to happen, because if I can do that, then who am I to step in and try to accomplish His agenda my way? If He wants to use me, then yes, I would play that role, but if I am not in control, then I just have to listen to orders and play the role I'm asked to (and only that). "Surrendered hearts show up best in relationships." This is something I will have to keep in my brain and ponder.

I also really like the part that talks about prayer. We shouldn't ask God if he is able to do something, but if it is His will to do or not do something. All the "big names" from the Bible (Noah, Abraham, Joshua, Mary, just to name a few; I'll link to verses/passages later) were used to do amazing things by God because they surrendered to Him completely. And, if we don't surrender to God, we surrender to something else (money, a relationship, pride and ego, lust. . . again, someday I'll put verses. But I gotta get to bed).

And finally, our "coincidence" for the evening. The book talks about how being a "living sacrifice" means that we have the choice to crawl off the altar, and we have to start choosing to get back on the altar. Guess who talked about being a living sacrifice this past Sunday morning? I had never really thought about what that passage in Scripture meant, but now I get a much better idea. I had just never thought about it much before.

BTW, the answer to the question above is "Pastor Dan." You get a cookie if you guessed it (and a strange look if you didn't).

OK, nearly done-

Point to Ponder: The heart of worship is surrender.
So, in wordy language, the core of pleasing God is to willfully give our entire lives over to Him. Considering He made us and gave us this world to live in, it seems reasonable to me.

Verse to Remember: Romans 6:13b- "Surrender your whole being to him to be used for righteous purposes." Today's English Version
I'm going to explore a little of Romans tonight. Also, I've been looking at the word "Romans" too long because I feel like it's missing a letter. It must be late. . . :)

Question to Consider: What area of my life am I holding back from God?
I think certain parts of my job and probably most of my relationships are things that I'm having a hard time giving over, and I don't know why. Well, I can understand the job thing (pride), but failing relationships? I'm clearly doing something wrong. . . so that's something that I need to keep exploring.