Day 14: When God Seems Distant

Every 4-6 months, I finally get tired of living like a slob and do something about it. I'm not really a "dirty" person, per se (like, leaving dishes out for a week or letting the garbage overflow. . . well, most of the time), but I tend to let things pile up when I can't make a decision about them. Anyway, I call this a "purging" process, since it's really more about cleansing my mental and emotional state than it is about the physical clutter. With the new semester, I am purging both my apartment and my classroom/office. I usually mentally prepare myself for it (I started planning this on Monday) so that when I get around to it, I want to do it. I can still remember a time where I felt like I was losing my mind, and a dear friend of mine came over to help me out, which meant she watched me frantically sort through piles of stuff (mostly paper work) and brought me apple pie. So that's what I've been doing today, and it feels WONDERFUL. I have counter space again, and my living room doesn't have the pile from my first week of school nor the stuff I left out for Christmas cards, I have 5 loads of laundry (not done, unfortunately, because it takes so long. . . I think #2 is drying and #3 is being washed as I type), my ties are hung nicely and in a particular fashion (I went with style rather than color this time), my pantry is organized and I can get out the pots and pans I need without an avalanche coming down, my blender and crock pot now have room in a shelf, my bathroom sink area is clean (although it wasn't too bad to begin with anyway), and after I cook later tonight, all my dishes will be clean.

And another load of laundry dried, folded, and put away! Now onto the book. . .

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I wish someone would have told me to read this chapter this past summer, but on the other side, I don't know that it would have reached me anyway, so now I am able to look at that situation and know the truth of the information in the book. I felt completely alone, and I was so wracked with rage that I thought the bad feelings would never end. It was a combination of the disconnect from sin in my life combined with a test of faith, or so I now believe. The great thing though? It got through to me. He got through to me. Although I may not have given Him credit at the time, something just felt right about the move to Florida. I just happened to find a post in a little school in central Florida whose Performing Arts specialist went to school with one of my college professor, and whose principal grew up in Benton Harbor and went to CMU? After I got here and found (no, was led) to Stetson Baptist and really thought about it, there's no way it's a coincidence. Everything was set-up perfectly. One more little caveat: that job was originally posted on 6/29, which is my birthday. So sometimes I affectionately think of my job (and really the move and the awesome community I've become a part of down here) as God's birthday gift to me. Undeserved? Totally. But now I have no reason not to trust Him fully.

So, the things listed in the chapter are not necessarily applicable to me right now, but where I am right now is what's going to make these four things helpful. When we feel God is distant, we need to tell Him exactly how we feel. I know that I was finding Psalms that fit exactly how I felt, but I don't think I connected that saying them to God was going to have any affect. Second is focusing on His unchanging nature. I can remember reading Job this past summer and wishing that I would have that attitude (as if what I was going through was really comparable Job anyway). Third, we have to trust He will keep his promises. There was an interesting statement in this section: "A friendship based on emotion is shallow indeed." I was so immature. . . and I feel like now I've taken major strides in the past few months, thanks to His hand guiding me. And finally, we must remember what God has already done for us. This section of the chapter really got to me. It is always good to have that reminder of what Jesus' death and sacrifice was really like. I think I'm going to read that story again later tonight, so that I can appreciate again what God has done for me. For me!! I know me. . . it's indescribable.

Point to Ponder: God is real, no matter how I feel.
I can't help but think of Casting Crowns "Praise You in This Storm."

Verse to Remember: Hebrews 13:5- "For God has said, "I will never leave you; I will never abandon you." Today's English Version
That's one of those verses that could (and maybe should) be put up somewhere that will be looked at often.

Question to Consider: How can I stay focused on God's presence, especially when he feels distant?
For me, as long as I remember the lead-up and beginning of this journey I've started in the Sunshine State, I have no reason to ever doubt God's presence and hand in every part of my life.