Day 20: Restoring Broken Fellowship

Seeing as I have after school band today and am going immediately to All County Rehearsal after (because I have to tune the timpani beforehand!! It'll be a shoddy job until break, when I'll have a little more time and a lot more peace and quiet), I won't be doing this entry until tonight, and possibly not until tomorrow morning (because I'm already exhausted, and I still have 4 hours of rehearsal to attend; no sticking around tonight though. I NEED sleep).

And now I'm home, and although I'm going to get up "early," I still want to finish this entry tonight. This will probably have sparse (if any) links. I need to go catch up my other entries. . . someday. Anyway, here we go.

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Interesting. . . we are actually called to the "ministry of reconciliation." And it's not about loving peace or being peaceable, but making peace. We have to confront problems and work towards rebuilding the relationship and finding some kind of resolve. I know that sometimes I can be an appeaser, because it feels easier to just let someone have their way rather than fight with them. However, on important issues, I need to be careful not to do this, but to stand my ground (but still working towards making peace). There are seven (whoa! that's a lot) different steps in which we can restore relationships.

First off is talking to God before talking to the person. If we remember back a few entries, we are supposed to be completely honest with our feelings when we talk to God. We vent to Him for the same reasons we vent to others; the negative feelings have to escape somewhere, and better in a safe environment than in one that is self-damaging or hurtful to others. A great thing to remember in this passage: "When you expect anyone- a friend, spouse, boss, or family member- to meet a need that only God can fulfill, you are setting yourself up for disappointment and bitterness. No one can meet all of your needs except God."

Second, we have to take the initiative!. On one hand, that doesn't mean that it has to be done RIGHT THEN, but on the other it needs to happen at a mutual situation where both people are mentally and emotionally stable and have enough time to devote to making it better. Go look at this.

Third, we have to sympathize with their feelings. Man. . . this list keeps getting tougher and tougher. How hard is it to listen to the other person's side, especially when we are the hurt party? However, if we are looking for true forgiveness and resolution, this is a vital step. And, I think this also reminds us that we aren't perfect, so when we are on the side that has offended, we want to be heard out.

Confessing our part of the conflict is next. It is so much easier to talk with someone that has hurt you or been hurt by you when they start out with "I'm sorry that this happened and that I ______." So, shouldn't we try and have that attitude when we go to resolve a problem with someone? If we admit our mistake, often the other person will not react defensively but will also open up. And how are we to be forgiven for something if we won't own up to it?

Fifth, we need to be careful we are attacking the problem and not the person. We all like to play the blame game, but ultimately that only leads to more negative feelings. We also like to say "positive," forward moving ideas in negative tones (which is why they are "positive"). The book talks about disarming our relational nuclear weapons; what a powerful image.

Penultimately, we have to cooperate as much as possible. Peace may have a price, but does having your way matter to you more than the relationship you are trying to fix? Look at these verses.

Finally, we have to emphasize reconciliation and not resolution. Reconciliation is fixing the relationship; resolution is getting everyone to agree on the outcome of the problem. We usually want to change the other person to think like us, and that will bring about peace. While this might work, it's not usually something that can happen right away. Fix the relationship, THEN fix the problem. It's OK to disagree, as long as we can continue to work together and work it out.

Point to Ponder: Relationships are always worth restoring.
We are blessed to be able to participate in God's love, so we should not pass up opportunities to make relationships happen, especially when they already exist and then a division comes.

Verse to Remember: Romans 12:18- "Do everything possible on your part to live in peace with everybody." Today's English Version
We can be so derisive and harsh at times, and often we don't even realize we're doing it until someone calls attention to it. Speak less and with much thought is pretty much a good motto for the world.

Question to Consider: Who do I need to restore a broken relationship with today?
I can think of three in particular that I need (and have been) working on. But it's nice to have some specific strategies. Unfortunately, all these people are in Michigan, and I'm in Florida. . . that makes it tougher.

Tomorrow's a long day; I'm hoping to get to this next chapter early in the morning.